Showers are best for crying but for a spoil me bath, I LOVE:

bubbles
candles
music
hot hot hot water

That's a bath?

I thought that was heaven.

One that isn't right in the head.


Look at his response - does that sound to you like he really is doing "great"? If you were doing great and someone, anyone, greeted you, would you answer like that? IMHO him saying "I'm doing great, thanks for asking" is saying he ISN'T doing great.

Which means your PB IS doing great. Stay the course.

Hello Jaynepooh,
Yeah your probably right. True people say things like that usually to convince themselves and not the ones they are saying it to. But still what a poophead father! Will stay the course.


Okay feel better. Yes, had HOT HOT HOT water, and some Ella Fitzgerald really loud. No candles because its still day light here LOL. I think If I go buy some chocolate, it will be a perfect day. Did I mention I love chocolate with a burning passion. My H used to make funnies with the kids about me. He used to say one day Im going to come home and your mom will be passed out on the floor with chocolate dripping from her mouth and chocolate bars all around her and then they all would laugh including me. Ya know I don't know why I am remembering all these little stories lately. Anyways it was funny.

But I took this book in with me. I have been reading a little bit at a time. Okay the title is Healing the Heartbreak of Divorce by Rose Sweet. I didn't get it because I planned divorce so no worries, but it is a purely christian book that deals with letting go of things like rejection, anger, bitterness, grieving, loneliness, fear, and trust, things like that.

At the beginning of each chapter it starts with a love letter from God to you and at the end of each chapter it has a section that says me fear says this but my faith says this. I'm not divorced but it has little treasures in it that are helping me. I guess it mostly gets you through all the pain and really pushes you to give everything to God. So today I am angry, lucky me I opened it up today and I am on the Anger Chapter. Guess I'll be reading it right on time.

So today to feel better I think I am going to go buy some chocolate and you can all imagine the smile as I eat it.

I'll check back later, we'll see if he actually calls them tonight.

{{{{{hugs}}}}]] right to T2L,
I agree about DD17 contacting her father. I was doing the opposite trying to convince D15 to see her father and we were both wrong.

They are old enough to decide how they want to interact with these aliens. It breaks my heart see how inconsiderate they are with their own children. But it is their lose not ours. These kids are magnificant creatures and missing even a day is a shame. Shame on them.

Also not to steal the sitch..stop by mine..need help H served me with d papers today.

PM,
OH dear Lord, I just finished reading your story. Yes I cried during the walk and his apology. I truly do not know how you made it, I am exhausted just reading it.

When did it start and when did it come to the start of recovery? How many months?

I can't believe you got him to go to church in fog. Mr. T2L would laugh my butt out the door at such a request. Thats mind boggling that he went.

I guess I keep feeling like my H is different and harder and he's not like everyone else. I really think that.

Big props to you.


Oh Yeah everyone please go back to Hope3343's thread her H filed on her and left papers in the mail box. She needs help and encouragement.

He's really no different. Just a typical PITA WH.

PITA???

go on, do tell

acroynm - Pain in the [censored] (PITA)

Dark day as usual. H did not try and call DS10 but since DD17 contacted him she says he has been chatting with her a bit and sent her another picture of himself. Its really strange to me but he constantly takes pictures of himself with his cell phone and sends them to her.

I mean is he afraid he's gonna disappear or something. LOL

Anyways, DS10 had a friend come over for a sleepover tonight. The mother of the friend stayed and chatted for a bit and she pretty much knows most of whats has been happening. Her H owns a locksmith business and he changed the locks right after Mr. T2L left and he did it for free.

Anyways she was well meaning and she's like I really think you need to move on. Of course she's not the only one who has said this. Many people including H's family has said, move on you'll be a hot commodity blah blah blah. They just don't get it. I know its there best attempt at helping you and I try not to hold it against them, but they have absolutely no idea what they are saying. They have no idea of how we feel or the pain I'm in.

Anyways she says to me tonight, He is being an a$s and destroying his kids and family you just need to let him go and move on. I am starting to feel like an a$s for even continuing on. Guess its pretty bad when you start to think what they are saying sounds good. Of course they all say go date, and I tell them all I can't. But most of them don't understand no matter what way you explain it. They justify it for me not understanding that my H walked out on me, he cut off his connection and love for me but I didn't. I just kinda have to nod.

I think in 3 1/2 more months I'm going to make a life decision if he has not come around. I think 1 year of discovery day is fair. I think I may cut my loses and try to live my life without him and forget about recovery, at least maritally. I am a person of closure and I am living opened right now, neither here nor there and that alone is taking a toll on me.

I know concentrate on me do things I love, but yet because of time, no closure and thoughts of him and the Sea Hag I am hurting and no amount of fun stuff can really make that go away.

G'night....

This is when I say:
"I hear you, but I only have one chance to save my marriage and my family. I have all the time in the world to divorce him. The best thing for everybody in this family is to have me in love with DH and DH in love with me."

What a great response!



{{{{{{{{T2L}}}}}}

I <heart> the above advice.
Whenever someone is giving advice, consider the source.

A lot of people say "if my H ever cheated- he'd be out the door!"
- but remember they have probably never really had to deal with this issue.

True, unless you have been there, you can't describe why you feel you want to stay, or why you left-- it is a descision that you need to make on your own.

Not that I think you need to even consider it at this point- you are still very early into your plan B.

My advice is to listen to the people who not only are well meaning, but have a first hand understanding of going through an A is like for a BS (or WS for that matter!).

Telling someone to "Move on" is a way for a concerned person <who sees you in pain> thinks that this is the quickest way for you to recover and be happy.

Those who have been here know, there is no quick way to recover. All roads to recovery, yours (with or without H) are dusty, long, twisty and hidden by mountains and trees.-And FOG.
We all wish we had GPS, so that we could see the trail ahead - and the destination of our journey on a little screen.

But alas, that is for cars and people in the ordinary world. We, right now, don't live there.

BUT T2L ! Chin up! hiking boots on! Pack a lunch, pee now- it is going to be a long hike so you might as well as get started early! People here (and God) will walk with you.

Ready? Set?...G-- (oh well-- Im off to take a bath! )

Well, H is behind my house at the park. He just called the home phone and left a message to DS10 that he will be back there to visit if he wants to come out. I new it just before he called as I looked out my window and noticed a work truck in the distance.

DD17 is at her 1st day working at the college bookstore. She called me on her break and said she loves it. She also told me that her dad called and wanted to visit since he was working in our city. She responded I'm working so I kinda expected to see the truck there.

DS10 is torn about going. He will not go because DD17 is not with him. He does not have trust in his dad anymore and does not like going alone. I told him its up to him and he said NO. One of DD17's girlfriends is here and offered to go walk him out but he still said no.

Back later, if anything to post.

So sorry your son doesn't feel comfortable visiting with his dad.

Maybe you can do something fun with DS.

Glad DD likes her job!!!!!!!!!!!!!

T2L, quick close the shades, put on your guerrilla gear, duck, hit the floor.

Your H should not just assume that S10 wants to see him. Very presumptive. If your son is uncomfortable, hopefully your car is parked in the garage.

Take your son and make your escape. Go somewhere fun while H plays by himself in the woods. Maybe a rattlesnake will be out there. too much.

Well DS10 came into my room and was coming unglued. He said he felt bad and was rolling around on my bed and half crying and he didn't know what to do. I asked him why he was so nervous he said he was he said he didn't know I said would you like to call him to talk to him he said no. Finally I say do you want DD17 friend to go tell him your not ready and he say yeah can you.

So DD17's friend said I will go out to him, because she knew him growing up with my kids, and I will tell him that Gabriel is nervous and not ready to visit.

So she comes back and says I told him Gabe didn't want to visit that he was upset about some kind of message, and his response is well he shouldn't have heard that, of course Not I shouldn't have said that. She said she asked him are you happy and he said well I don't know if I'm happy but it just didn't work out with her. WTF!!! You mean you walked out!

Anyways, DS10 felt better and now I am taking him bowling.

So sorry your DS is going through this. It is very hard for him.

Glad you are taking him bowling.

I forgot, is he involved in sports? That is a good outlet for boys his age.

{{{hugs}}}} glad you are taking the little guy out.

H is still in selfish mood that everyone is dying to see him. No regard to what it does to the kids.

Enjoy bowling and pretend who the pins are.

T2L - you really need a counselor who will protect your son - he does not want to hear bad stuff about you and he knows that if he goes alone, without his tough big sister to shut her dad up, Dad's going to wage war on his heart to try and destroy son's love for you - and your son doesn't want to be that battle ground.

It's making him physically and mentally ill to consider going with your WH - his wayward father.

I would love to see supervised visitation at this point if your son goes alone. And that your husband gets some very strong instruction from a judge about his treatment of his children!

Imagine - the indignity of intermediaries just getting ramped up to where now he has to SEE intermediaries if he wants to be around his son - and have Pep open a can of Whoopa** every time WH starts going off about you!