HI MB - I haven't been here since Nov. - status of my story - D is still pending - I've been delaying everything as much as I can. I got a called from my lawyer that my WH is wanting to rush this through and suggested possible Mediation to resolve this D. I called him back and told him I'm not ready for mediation yet.

Christmas were good for my girls - we went to visit our family in the west coast and they had a good time. I have been going dark in-and-out for sometimes since Nov. I had to communicate with him regarding visitation since I don't have any mediator to help me so PlanB is somewhat dark.

I just don't know what to do at this point - in midOct. he called and tried to say he's sorry for hurting me, and that he missed me and that if we were to go thru with this D - be smart about it and not spend $$$ on the lawyer - tried to settle it for our girls. He cried on the phone but as much as I needed him to apologize to me - I was still scare that the A is not over. He told me it has been lonely and been alone for some time in his apartment since Sept.

But I caught him talking to random women online on those dating website, etc... Now there's day he wants to work on our marriage and days he just go cold on me. Is he still in a fog? He keeps saying to me "I don't know how we can work thru it - you seemed to not forgive me for what I've done to you and I don't know if I can forgive you (referring to me that yes I've made damage to this marriage - I lied to him here and there but small things - like buying stuffs for the house - not including his decision - changing things around the house without consulting him). I think these small things aren't as painful as the A that he was involved in.

So I'm really struggling in trying to believe him that the A is over. I gave him a book "his needs her needs" over Xmas and asked him to read it - he said he read the first 5 chapters and will finish it tomorrow. He agreed everything is the book is fairly accurate. He said he wants to stop by tomorrow - have dinner with the girls and talk.

So this is where I'm at - I don't know if I should drop the D yet or try to stall time and try to work with him. He hasn't been committed to anything. It feels strange though because he txt me on Tues "I MISS U" but then he won't talk to me - call me - or ask me how I'm doing. He only talks to the girls before they go to bed in the evening.

My gut feeling is the A is not over that he is trying to play both sides, that's why he runs hot and cold. My ex does/did the same thing. He'd say he was through with her and I could hear her walk into the room and start talking to him! Wake up and see reality for what it is and do what you need to protect yourself and the children. Give us an update.