Krusht remarked on a comment, ""I feel like I have unfinished business. Like my universe is off-axis."" and it so hit home.

I know some will think this is trivial (be it the actual situation or length of time that has passed).

My husband had an EA, one to my knowledge (and I proably don't know much). This was 7 years ago. I know, a long long time, but I have not forgiven nor ever fully recovered.

I have carried the weight, anger, hurt, resentment for years. Try as I may to get passed it, its always been an elephant in my room (or head).

Him.

Raised in mexican american family, 5 siblings. Very poor when growning up. He started working at 14 to help provide for the family.

Talked fondly of his grandparents, he spent alot of time with his grandmother and thought of her a a mother figure. Grandfather was indian and drank til he died.

Father was serial cheater, never home on weekends. When he was home no one wanted to be around him, he was mean and grumpy.

Mother, quiet, did what she was told to keep the peace. Worked and raised the kids.

He left for the Air Force at 17. Stayed in and retired after 23 years.

Parents are now divorced.

He doesn't have an overly close relationship with the family. They talk on the phone but rarely see each other due to where they are and money difficulties (theirs not his).

Us. This is where is gets long and boring.

Met in the Air Force. Love at first sight! Dated about 1.5 years but 1 year was spent apart. Planned the wedding while apart.

Note: After 6 months married found out he had a steady girlfriend for most of that time apart. He had friends watching me just waiting for me to cheat on him and the thought never entered my mind. After finding this out I was very upset and he was defensive. Told me I needed to get over it or why stay married, we weren't married at the time it happened, didn't mean anything. I got over it, trusted him fully and never looked back.

I got out after marriage and we moved to MD. Skipping the boring details we set up married life; house, jobs, friends, etc.

He was gone all the time with his job. He partied alot with his co-workers. I felt he wanted to hang out with his friends and drink more than anything. He drank alot. Drove drunk, came home drunk. Needless to say, we fought alot. All of fights were about money or sex.

Money-I was terrible with it. Spent it all, charged it all, shopped til I dropped. We never had much money. I took care of all the bills and hid what I could.

Sex-I refused 99% of the time. Not sure all the time why? Coping, resentment, anger? Not proud of it. I always felt like that was all I was good for or wanted for other than household duties.

We continued this pattern for years. Good then bad. Drunk then sober. Fighting. Not all bad times, there were lots of good too.

Clarification-Before you think I married an Ogre. Through all the stuggles he was still a good man and awesome father. He is warm, funny, intelligent, quick witted. He loves people and people love him. He worked hard and still does, would do anything for our family.

We never seemed to get it together for very long. We are both two stong willed and strong people.

He came back from seeing his grandmother when it all started. He was indifferent. I remained refusing and indifferent. We didn't talk much. I was so stressed out with my son and some problems with him and had just started working again.

He worked later and stayed up later. I found I would wake up at 2am and he would be on the phone. Always on the phone but I never heard the conversations. Got where it was like a life line for him. I began to get suspicious and started checking the phone when he was asleep. Tons of calls, all to the same number, all hours of the day, not a number I recognized.

One day he came home, I mentioned buying a new car, and he said I want a divorce. I remained very calm, and said fine if that is what you want.

Not long after we had a huge blow out and I brought up his "friend" and called her in fron of him. Blew up at her, blew up at him again. Long story short, we became long lost lovers and didn't really ever talk about it.

I realize I never dealt with all this then and if it were today I would act different and handle it different.

We got along better, did more together, sex was great. End of story. Nope.

Things didn't stay that way for long. Don't ask how long, I don't remember.

Two years ago in the fall, I got this ache in the pit of my stomach that something was going on. I was suspicious of who he was hanging out with, talking to. Nothing concrete but the feeling was there.

I brought it up. He laughed about it. We talked and talked like never before. I felt for once we had the relationship we should have always had. We talked about "HER". Ok this is about all I remember him saying to me about her.

"She" was a just a friend, nothing more. A counselor to him. Someone he could talk to. She had a kid or two and a fiance. They met at a bar in Texas. He could just talk to her and needed someone to talk to. "He didn't do anything wrong". After our big fight he only called her once more to apologize?

I had my chance then and blew it. I never said a word about my fears, what I thought, what I needed to know.

We had a great relationship for about 7 months. I worked hard at trusting, talking, sharing. The sex was better than ever. We actually seemed to connect.

But-

to be continued

sonshine, can you please summarize the problem in 3-5 paragraphs in ONE POST? This is way more information that is needed and many are not inclined to read through alot of superfluous information that is unrelated to the problem. It would be helpful to me if you could just say the problem in ONE POST in about 3-5 paragraphs. thankee!

Thanks Melody. How can I get is deleted and restart with a shorter post?