Others can chime in here with their respective opinions...but I think that getting a copy of that e-mail to the "friend" WW intends to move in with might be a good idea. This friend needs to know you WANT your marriage.

I don't have a great deal of confidence that having your WW at a "single" (?) friends house is a great situation for you. Her wayward mentality may lead her further astray? Even with the OM leaving the job they still have opportunity for contact, and your WW's mentality would suggest they still do?

You may want to read up on Plan B, and take her moving in with the friend as the time to implement? These are casual suggestions, and I hope Mortarman and others chime in with additional thoughts.

If OM leaves the job there shouldnt be any reason for contact as we live far away from where she works. She drives over an hour just to go. Yeah, I am hating her moving in with her friend and all but I cannot do anything to stop it. I have told her friend I am trying to save my marriage and all but her friend does not care. She is not a friend of my W and not a friend to the marriage. WW has actually been dreading moving in with her tha past few days because the friend is getting on her nerves really bad, bossing her around and all that kind of stuff.

I plan on going to plan B in about a month if I have to or a little later if things go too well. Blah, blah blah.

WW worked with OM Wed and Thurs night and all that. She is so stupid sometimes. She went to him and asked him about his bragging about other women he had and he told her he was only bragging about her. She halfway believes him, or is trying to. WTF!?!?!? How dumb do you get when in an A? She tells me she is moving on from him, but I know better. She is holding out hope. Every time she sees him she acts different for the next few days. I can always tell.

I will be so relieved when he moves on to greener pastures. This one has been grazed up.

When WW and I went out last night she was talking about what she said to him and I told her that OM was a scuzzball for ripping families apart. She tried to tell me that he was really concerned that he broke us up. WOW. I could not believe she said this or that OM actually told her that lie and she believed it. Will they really believe everything OM says?

I take what WW says with a grain of salt, analyze it and then drag other stuff out of her to either support or refute it. Took me a couple days to get her to admit they worked together this week...but I already knew. I tell her she needs to NC him and she tries to say that if she does that then people will know somethings up when thy are being different. I tell her that everybody already knows so who cares.

Why do waywards do this? Why do they hold out all hope against all odds? Why do they continue to make the stupidest decisions of their life? Instead of a fog it is more like they took a whole bottle of stupid pills.

Just coming in to vent. Gotta keep AO down and away from WW. lol

He may very well be sorry that she left you. B/c she was easier to deal w/ when she was still "in" your M. Now that she left you, she can apply pressure to him to give her more...(see what I gave up for you??? Why don't you leave your W too?)

Now she's not as much fun to him.

Yeah. I think WW screwed up his plans when she left the day the A went physical. He wants someone to just roll in the hay with whenever he wanted.

I know what you mean about the stupid pills.

My wife had affairs during her first marriage and married one of the guys that she had an affair with. That second marriage failed miserably.

My wife always harped about how her second M failed because it began with infidelity. She would PREACH about how wrong infidelity is ALL THE TIME and how she would NEVER do that again. She said that it is just STUPID to have an affair and that people should just get a divorce first if they want to be with someone else.

Well, maybe she was just trying to convince herself all that time. She is having an affair now and as far as I can tell, she wants to be with this guy long-term. I think she swallowed a whole bottle of stupid pills.

My wife really does know better in her heart but as Dr Harley says, it is easier to change beliefs than to change behavior. Her behavior is to follower her feelings even if they take her away from her spouse and away from the stability that her kids need. In her fog, she may try to alter her beliefs to justify what she did, but she knows deep down that she is wrong.

So true erichh. Funny how they will abandon all they believe because of feelings. My WW told me last night that she loves me because I was her husband and the father of her kids but that it is a different kind of love. I wanted to grab her and shake her and tell her that is because it is love and she is comparing it to the feelings of infatuation and lust.

My WW swallowed the whole bottle and is wanting to go back and buy more it seems. lol

Stupid Waywards....hehe. Love is not just a feeling. It's an action/commitment.

Exactly

So why didnt you say that to her? ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS speak truth to the WS. Repeated often enough, it many times gets thru the fog.

I figured that would be lumped in as relationship talk.

No, relationship talk is when you go back and forth over the relationship, and basically argue with an insane person.

Stating facts and ignoring her less-than-sane responses is nothing but standing your ground on what is right.

Thanks MM. I guess it's these little things why I post here so much.

WW was called into work last night and I have been torn on taking the kids on days she works extra. I love to have my kids but I am not her free baby sitter. Last night I told her that she would have to pay me $30. Was this wrong? Should I have not charged her?

My advice is that if you are trying to get custody, then take the kids EVERY chance you can. Especially when she was supposed to have them.

One piece of intel my lawyer used was from the daycare place my younger kids went to for an hour in the afternoon (until my wife or I got home). My wife was living with us at the time, but was carrying on the affair. Anyway, we went and had them make copies of the sign-in/out logs for the previous 6 months. And it broke down like this:

Mrs. Mortarman: Picked kids up twice
My mother: Picked kids up once
Family friend: Picked kids up once
Mortarman: Picked kids up 118 times

Do you see how a judge would take that?

So, have them with you every minute you can. it may be the baseline the judge uses for custody, as that would be the "norm" in your household anyway.

Thanks MM. Although I hope it eventually doesnt go that way, I am taking all the precautions I need to so that I am prepared in case it does. The friend WW is moving in with lives right across the county line so if WW got the kids and all then D7 would have to change schools. Thats good for me too. I have a feeling that WW is going to regret moving in with her "friend" about a month after she gets moved in.

The way I see it from everybody I have ever known and even reading stories on this board is not if WW ever decides she wants to come back it when. If she waits too long, I will have moved on. In the end I will be happy and she will either be happy or filled with a life of regret. Helps me sleep a little better at night anyways.

All true Rusty.

How do you balance out letting them go and giving it to God and helping them when they need help? You arent really letting them go if you are always helping them. Just trying to figure it all out here.

Well, WW came over for a bit today. She talked to me about lots of small talk and then somehow turned to her and the A. She started telling me stuff like she wants to get out but feels out of control and cant and for me to just give her time. I remember now, it started because she was talking about missing the kids so much and not seeing them for days at a time and I told her that she can fix that and see them every day. But anyways...she talked to me about how she wants to get away from OM but feels like she cant. She will nto quit her job and says that he is leaving soon anyways so that it doesnt matter.

What the [censored]!?!?! Can these waywards just not have the courage to do this on their own or what?

I think we're witnessing how A's are truly an addiction. Doesn't it sound like an addiction? Scary stuff.... But addictions can be overcome.

One thing I used to ask exWW was why would she want to settle for than less 100% of her time with her kids.