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I have come to notice that I LOVE BEING INTIMATE WITH MY HUSBAND! Especially during sex....however... afterward my bad feelings and thoughts of him being with OW rush back to me. He hates that...and of course I hate that as well! We have always been a VERY intimate couple..but I am having trouble now. I am afraid to have sex with him..since ill feelings always return very shortly after. Do you guys think we should stop having sex for a while? Or do you think it would make things worse?
He promises things are over with OW. I truly hope they are!
Last edited by fabulous_woman; 01/11/09 11:36 AM.
Married for 4 years...things can only go up from here.
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Married for 4 years...things can only go up from here.
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have come to notice that I LOVE BEING INTIMATE WITH MY HUSBAND! Especially during sex....however... afterward my bad feelings and thoughts of him being with OW rush back to me. He hates that...and of course I hate that as well! Itimacy is reserved for married couples,as God intended it to be. It is not a bad thing. The memories of how you both violated that, will linger for quite some time, but, you must begin to forgive each other for straying down the wrong path, that includes BOTH OF YOU. You have bad feelings of your H being with OW, but you fail to entreat the bad feelings HE felt about YOU being with OW. You have BOTH made serious mistakes in this exclusive M. The sooner you realize this and stop pointing fingers, the better. I do wish you help and healing, All Blessings, Jerry
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have come to notice that I LOVE BEING INTIMATE WITH MY HUSBAND! Especially during sex....however... afterward my bad feelings and thoughts of him being with OW rush back to me. He hates that...and of course I hate that as well! Itimacy is reserved for married couples,as God intended it to be. It is not a bad thing. The memories of how you both violated that, will linger for quite some time, but, you must begin to forgive each other for straying down the wrong path, that includes BOTH OF YOU. You have bad feelings of your H being with OW, but you fail to entreat the bad feelings HE felt about YOU being with OW. You have BOTH made serious mistakes in this exclusive M. The sooner you realize this and stop pointing fingers, the better. I do wish you help and healing, All Blessings, Jerry Thank you...have already excepted responsibility for our wrong doings. We are now trying to move forward.
Married for 4 years...things can only go up from here.
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have come to notice that I LOVE BEING INTIMATE WITH MY HUSBAND! Especially during sex....however... afterward my bad feelings and thoughts of him being with OW rush back to me. He hates that...and of course I hate that as well! Itimacy is reserved for married couples,as God intended it to be. It is not a bad thing. The memories of how you both violated that, will linger for quite some time, but, you must begin to forgive each other for straying down the wrong path, that includes BOTH OF YOU. You have bad feelings of your H being with OW, but you fail to entreat the bad feelings HE felt about YOU being with OW. You have BOTH made serious mistakes in this exclusive M. The sooner you realize this and stop pointing fingers, the better. I do wish you help and healing, All Blessings, Jerry Thank you...have already excepted responsibility for our wrong doings. We are now trying to move forward. Somehow I doubt this, as you are showing remarkable lack of boundaries trying to communicate with another swinger here on MB. That's disgusting. Or maybe we are being played by trolls?!
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With holding sex after an A good or bad idea? Do you know what's REALLY a bad idea? Privately e-mailing a M swinging stranger.
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Let me try to offer you some encouragement. I think it's very important that you've come to the conclusion that you love being intimate with your husband. I would say, now show him.
Have sex with your husband. Look into his eyes when you are making love to him. Let him experience and feel that your attention is solely focused on him.
You might want to see if he'll take you dancing first... when you're dancing to some slow songs, make sure you make eye contact with your husband as long as possible. This will help you with the intamacy in your bedroom.
It worked for me and my wife.
Here's the caveat, you're making yourself very vulnerable to your husband. Try to overlook any negative vibes you get from him. Hopefully he will respond in kind and be confident with you sooner than later.
It's got to start somewhere, why not with you?
WH - 44
FWW - 50
Married - 2005
d-day - 12/4/2008
NC since 12/13/2008
Her d-day 4/22/2009
Divorcing.
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Let me try to offer you some encouragement. I think it's very important that you've come to the conclusion that you love being intimate with your husband. I would say, now show him.
Have sex with your husband. Look into his eyes when you are making love to him. Let him experience and feel that your attention is solely focused on him.
You might want to see if he'll take you dancing first... when you're dancing to some slow songs, make sure you make eye contact with your husband as long as possible. This will help you with the intamacy in your bedroom.
It worked for me and my wife.
Here's the caveat, you're making yourself very vulnerable to your husband. Try to overlook any negative vibes you get from him. Hopefully he will respond in kind and be confident with you sooner than later.
It's got to start somewhere, why not with you? Thank you, I do...I always look him in the eye and ALWAYS show him love. We are also VERY flirty with each other! He is not showing any negatve vibes towards me..in fact they are VERY POSITIVE! If anyone is negative it is me. But I am pushing the negativity further and further away.
Married for 4 years...things can only go up from here.
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have come to notice that I LOVE BEING INTIMATE WITH MY HUSBAND! Especially during sex....however... afterward my bad feelings and thoughts of him being with OW rush back to me. He hates that...and of course I hate that as well! Itimacy is reserved for married couples,as God intended it to be. It is not a bad thing. The memories of how you both violated that, will linger for quite some time, but, you must begin to forgive each other for straying down the wrong path, that includes BOTH OF YOU. You have bad feelings of your H being with OW, but you fail to entreat the bad feelings HE felt about YOU being with OW. You have BOTH made serious mistakes in this exclusive M. The sooner you realize this and stop pointing fingers, the better. I do wish you help and healing, All Blessings, Jerry Thank you...have already excepted responsibility for our wrong doings. We are now trying to move forward. Somehow I doubt this, as you are showing remarkable lack of boundaries trying to communicate with another swinger here on MB. That's disgusting. Or maybe we are being played by trolls?! Get over yourself and move on. This is MY POST and if you have a problem with ME or the way I live my life. Then MOVE ON TO ANOTHER POST!
Married for 4 years...things can only go up from here.
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In a perfect world I daresay you would be able to control other people.
Thank goodness it's a free world.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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have come to notice that I LOVE BEING INTIMATE WITH MY HUSBAND! Especially during sex....however... afterward my bad feelings and thoughts of him being with OW rush back to me. He hates that...and of course I hate that as well! Itimacy is reserved for married couples,as God intended it to be. It is not a bad thing. The memories of how you both violated that, will linger for quite some time, but, you must begin to forgive each other for straying down the wrong path, that includes BOTH OF YOU. You have bad feelings of your H being with OW, but you fail to entreat the bad feelings HE felt about YOU being with OW. You have BOTH made serious mistakes in this exclusive M. The sooner you realize this and stop pointing fingers, the better. I do wish you help and healing, All Blessings, Jerry Thank you...have already excepted responsibility for our wrong doings. We are now trying to move forward. Somehow I doubt this, as you are showing remarkable lack of boundaries trying to communicate with another swinger here on MB. That's disgusting. Or maybe we are being played by trolls?! Get over yourself and move on. This is MY POST and if you have a problem with ME or the way I live my life. Then MOVE ON TO ANOTHER POST! "ME" and "MY"..... Life gets easier when you focus on the things you can control(you), and not wasting energy on whats uncontrollable (others) Do you know of any mental techniques to redirect your thoughts when you have those disturbing images? ***edited to add*** I didn't answer your question, so heres my answer, don't withhold. You need to plunk every deposit into his love bank ASAP
Last edited by RMX; 01/13/09 12:05 AM. Reason: I didnt answer the question she asked
FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
Recovered!
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I don't know your story, I don't know your deal, but I can tell you that witholding of anything is NOT a FORM OF LOVE.
In my limited understanding, it would seem that if you are both trying to recover from both of you having A's and you dont' want sex to be a part of your relationship then practicing the MB principle of policy of joint agreement rather than witholding would be a better way to heal your marriage and R it.
Withholding in my opinion is a form of abuse and not to be tolerated in a marriage AT ALL....
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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I don't know your story, I don't know your deal, but I can tell you that witholding of anything is NOT a FORM OF LOVE.
In my limited understanding, it would seem that if you are both trying to recover from both of you having A's and you dont' want sex to be a part of your relationship then practicing the MB principle of policy of joint agreement rather than witholding would be a better way to heal your marriage and R it.
Withholding in my opinion is a form of abuse and not to be tolerated in a marriage AT ALL.... I wish I could have said this instead of my reply. Well Put Queenie!
FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
Recovered!
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Why thank you RMX... On a side note, tell that beautiful wife of yours, I send my love and say hi to her.  I also see her on yahoo, but need to hop in the shower and get warmed up. If I start talking to her I won't move for hours. 
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Why thank you RMX... On a side note, tell that beautiful wife of yours, I send my love and say hi to her. I also see her on yahoo, but need to hop in the shower and get warmed up. If I start talking to her I won't move for hours. hey AFW, I do want to thank you for posting your story. Its a cautionary tale of something NOT to do to spice up a M. Cheap sex is easy, BUT its having someone willing to look for your dentures when they fell into your oatmeal 50 years from now that is worth FARRRRRRR FARRRRRR more. I really hope the next time a swinger or ex-swinger comes to MB, you'll have earned your own 2x4 to swat them with!!
Last edited by RMX; 01/13/09 01:06 AM.
FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
Recovered!
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ACK I IM'd you queenie so...does that mean we wont leave for hrs...
On another note... to this poster I havent read your other post but from what I gather YOU need to step up to the plate and show him hes worth it...
Married 1996 4 wonderful children 16, 13 *OC*, 10, 7 FWW 30's FWH 30's My dday 1-2007 he came clean to me My story New beginings
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does that mean we wont leave for hrs... No Pretty, because my toes are turning blue and I can't afford the heat. Hot water is a cheaper way to warm up.... Gotta love how I learned how to conserve... 
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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[quote=shinethrough] have come to notice that I LOVE BEING INTIMATE WITH MY HUSBAND! Especially during sex....however... afterward my bad feelings and thoughts of him being with OW rush back to me. He hates that...and of course I hate that as well! Itimacy is reserved for married couples,as God intended it to be. It is not a bad thing. The memories of how you both violated that, will linger for quite some time, but, you must begin to forgive each other for straying down the wrong path, that includes BOTH OF YOU. You have bad feelings of your H being with OW, but you fail to entreat the bad feelings HE felt about YOU being with OW. You have BOTH made serious mistakes in this exclusive M. The sooner you realize this and stop pointing fingers, the better. I do wish you help and healing, All Blessings, Jerry Thank you...have already excepted responsibility for our wrong doings. We are now trying to move forward. Somehow I doubt this, as you are showing remarkable lack of boundaries trying to communicate with another swinger here on MB. That's disgusting. Or maybe we are being played by trolls?! Get over yourself and move on. This is MY POST and if you have a problem with ME or the way I live my life. Then MOVE ON TO ANOTHER POST! "ME" and "MY"..... Life gets easier when you focus on the things you can control(you), and not wasting energy on whats uncontrollable (others) Do you know of any mental techniques to redirect your thoughts when you have those disturbing images? ***edited to add*** I didn't answer your question, so heres my answer, don't withhold. You need to plunk every deposit into his love bank ASAP [/quote] I have decided not to "withhold" in fact...I am doing quiet the opposite!
Married for 4 years...things can only go up from here.
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I never had an affair...nor do I ever intend on it. I have been giving him my ALL! Sexually, emotionally, physically and mentally. My story is brutal and kills me...but just so you know...I would never ever ever do anything like that AGAIN!!
Married for 4 years...things can only go up from here.
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I never had an affair...nor do I ever intend on it. I have been giving him my ALL! Sexually, emotionally, physically and mentally. My story is brutal and kills me...but just so you know...I would never ever ever do anything like that AGAIN!! AFW, you need to call it for what it is. You both had a extra marital "AFFAIR". Its a affair. Its a affair. Its a affair. Anytime you involve a third party its a affair. I don't care if you both agreed to it, its still a affair. What say you?
FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
Recovered!
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