My sister in law is visiting us. My wife (we've been married 12 years) is very close to her younger sister and loves her more than anyone else in life. My SIL knows this and is dependant on my wife for money (she does not have a job). I do not like her much and can barely even talk with her.
Our marriage was great for first 7 years but over the last 3-4 years we've had some fights and disappontments but nothing very serious.

One night my wife, SIL and I started having a few drinks. My wife went up to her room to sleep after taking a drink but my sis in law who is a wild person (and single) kept drinking. So did I. I drank about 14 shots/drinks of various kinds: scotch, vodka, beer, wine and rum. I also have been taking wellbutrin for the few months and did not know how wellbutrin and alcohol will effect me.
So after a few more drinks my sis in law became quite flirtitious. She kept drinking and asked me to get more. We also, whille flipping thru channels, found an adult movie channel. At this time I started to loose my senses and control. Later I found that she had moved in to the same couch as me and she was saying: "Am I not more beautiful than (W)?, Am I not more sexy than her? etc.. She took my hand and put it over her chest and wanted me to feel her. I resisted. later i seemed to have to have passed out as I dont remeber what happened for some time after that. She says that we felt each other. I remember getting back to senses and telling her to stop. When I told her to stop she said "I dont want to go up and use my finger". She wanted to have sex but I refused to and went up to our bedroom.
A few minutes later i came down and saw he smoking outside the door. She was a distressed and said she will tell everything to my wife in the morning. i pleaded her not to as we had stopped at the right time and whatever happened was because of alcohol.

Next morning, before I woke up, SIL went to my wife and told her that we were drinking las night and watched porno films and "felt each other". She said it was a mutual thing and I did not force or seduce her. My wife became very upset and started screaming that I wanted to slee with her sister. She was really broken. She told me to leave and that she will file for a divorce. I could not even defend myself as I did not remeber much from the night. The events from the night appeared very vague and distant to me. I have never reacted to alcohol like that. I later checked with my psychiatrist who told me that Wellbutrin can lead to a state of psychosis/delusion and can black outs. I ead on internet and found post s from many people who describe passing out or not remebering anthing from the night before if they were on wellburin and drank even 2-3 drinks. I explained this fact to my wife but she does not want to listen to me at all. She was upset with her sister for a day or two but then has become even closer to her. I dont know what her sister is feeding her. My wife believes that her sister can never lie. I believe my SIL told her that i was sober that night and not under the influence of alcohol (all lies). My wife is also upset that we watched porno channel (which was on my SIL's request)

This event happened six weeks ago. My SIL has not left our place and is with my wife 24/7. I have been staying away (because of work) and come back home every other weekend. My still does not talk to me. She has separated all her stuff from me. She still lives in our home with the kids but treats me as a stranger. I can see the hatred in her eyes. She does not call me or answer my phone. She does not come to pick me up from airport or even ask me what time is my return flight. She has taken her ring off.

I have never liked my SIL and have no attraction to her and my wife knows this. Since this incident i have tried to have very litle communication with her when I go back home. The only reason i go back home is to be with my two beautiful kids (3 and 5 yrs) who are very attached to me.

I dont know what to do now. I don want a divorce as it will be bad for my innocent kids. I also do not see my wife returning to the caring and loving woman that she was before this happened. She has changed a lot sicnce then.

Please advice how can I clear this mess. If i really wanted to have sex with my SIL then I would not have stopped her. I know I am at fault as i let myself fall into such a situation but I did not know that wellbutrin will make me loose all control.

Some quick thoughts:

1. Offer to take a lie-detector test, to answer any questions your W might have for you about that night. Be completely honest with any answers to her questions.

2. Identify and start meeting her ENs. Don't expect immediate results.

3. SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOUR W. Even if this means having to endure the SIL's presence. Don't hover around her - ask her to join you in different activities, at different events, etc. Think of something that you can both do together.

This is between you and your wife. SIL needs to leave, now.
She will cloud every attempt to fix this with you wife.

Going out on a limb now...so someone knock this down if I'm wrong!

If your relationship with your wife's family is solid and sincere, if they know the true colours of your SIL, could you explain to them the situation. Ask them to help you repair the damage that SIL has caused. Your wife may listen to them first allowing you to continue the repair job.

And never, ever get yourself into that position again !!!

I do think you need to own some responsibility for your own choices. You were in control of the elbow that bent to lift those drinks to your lips. I doubt those drinks were forced upon you.

While the sil may be a significant problem, you might need to realize that there may be other issues in your marriage.

pleasehelp101, You have got a mess FAR, FAR worse than what you are thinking.

If you care to see what your wife is seeing take a look at my thread here: Affair with my brother has destroyed my family

One troubling thing is that NOWHERE in your post did you say you loved your wife...

What I DID see was excuse after excuse....

Your lack of boundaries is what caused the problem, not the drinking or wellbutrin...

Neither one can SUGGEST something to you, they only make it less difficult by removing inhibitions...

If you had not wanted to touch your SIL you would not have done so....

Your wife knows this....

Marriage Builders saved our relationship and it can yours, IF you want to take responsibility for this...

Do you?

God bless.

Jim

Well said Jim Flint, I see more in PH101's post from reading yours...thank you.

I have had way tooo much to drink many times over the yrs. and have never crossed those boundaries, because I love my H.

Thanks Vittoria, I just had to tell you I absolutely love your signature line: "There is nothing more powerful than a woman with an open heart". Its beautiful and so true!!!

God bless.

Jim

I concur...YOUR bad choices led to this.

You CHOSE to drink on top of Anti-Ds...this is an outcome from your choice.

After you take the responsiblity for that, then you MUST figure out what boundries in your life you need to put into place to ensure that a repeat NEVER occurs.

Once you've DONE that, only then can you even begin to bat your eyelashes in your wife's direction.

After a crushing event such as the one your wife has suffered (SUFFERED...see that, SHE IS SUFFERING...), your words will have NO meaning to her for a very long time. The ONLY way to get through to her is through your ongoing ACTIONS.

Words whisper, actions SHOUT!

I know you came here hoping to get info on how to make your wife not be angry with you any longer, but she'd be insane to forgive you easily.

Why would you stay up late with a woman you can barely even talk with?
Why would you have 14 shots of *anything* with such a person?
Why did you not tell her that her behavior was unwelcome and leave the room when she became flirtatious (and immediately go tell your wife)?
Why would you watch a porno flick with someone you can barely tolerate?
When you realized she was on the same couch as you, why didn't you leave the room or move to a chair?
Why didn't you tell her that her questions about being beautiful and sexy were unacceptable, leave the room, and immediately tell your wife?
Why didn't you tell her that putting your hand on her breast was unacceptable, leave the room, and immediately tell your wife?
When it was clear she wanted sex, and you went up to your room, why did you go BACK downstairs a few minutes later?

All this with someone you can barely speak to?

And you are totally wrong when you say you stopped at the right time. The right time was just before you drank alcohol alone with a woman who was not your wife.

I recommend you get "Fall in Love, Stay in Love" and read it all. Then show, by your actions, that you are learning to be a better spouse.

Ya think? 14 shots?!?! I'm surprised you remember anything. That's not social drinking, that's bingeing (sp). Get to AA and figure out why you had to drink that much.

Everyone before me has told you where you were wrong and what you need to do now. So what will it be?

Your wife is in PAIN thinking you betrayed her. Does she feel the same way about her sister since her sister admitted it was both of you?

Sis needs to go.