Goin' home now. If you need to vent at me, I think I could keep my cussin' at a minimum.

Love you mucho grande ginormous!

That is a good laugh. Both my kids have warned him that the will beat her face in if they see her. Sad thing is they probably will.

You can have it.

I've used wayturd for some uber obnoxious Waynerds before too.

I also like StoleMeat instead of soul mate....just adds a certain...ahhh....to a line.

It's not sad, honey.

They are protecting theirs. That's what DS9 was doin' (he was about 5 at the time)...he knew what a threat she was to our family...so do yours.

And you know...we want our kids to be respectful of other adults...but sometimes those adults don't deserve it....and no one can ever tell me that the kids don't know it right off...kids and dogs'll tell you every time!

Ummm WTH!?!?!? Is there anyone here who speaks ret@rd? I need a translation please.

Stop mentioning her name LOL I am utterly clueless and speechless. He says that like she's an "IT". Any thoughts?

He's trying to make "her" not a big deal...even though everyone knows Ursula was as BIG a deal as a HOUSE!

Idjit.

T2L, my FWH's favorite "spin" was "I did everything I could for so many years. I was a good dad, a provider, a Christian, but I just quit fighting trying to make everyone else do the right thing. I was neglected, you turned the kids against me, blah, blah, blah."

My FWH was horrible to my youngest daughter while he was away, she was a firecracker with him as well.

These waynerds are NOT the men we KNEW and LOVED. I said repeatedly to him and everyone else, this is NOT my husband!

The man who wrote that letter to your son is not your husband OR a father.

He is not hopeless... he's just pitching a bigger fit.

By the way, to lighten things up a little, I recommend the movie "SheDevil" with Roseanne Barr (I don't usually like her stuff). I LMAO at the ways she got back at her wayward (if you think you can handle it.)

No, I think the good men, that are dragged under with sin, HAVE to turn away from everything they were. They can't live both ways, they can't be a good father and bad husband, so they just do dumb@$$ all the way.

Their sin OVERTAKES them.



No, he doesn't. He just has NOTHING to justify his behavior...absolutely NOTHING. All he can come up with is...I'm not the only one who needs to change.





You aren't plan Bing to change anything. You are Plan Bing to protect your love. And see what happens when you aren't protected? YOU LOSE LOVE. You almost hate him right now because he put himself before your son when your son was bearing his soul. PROTECT YOURSELF because one day this affair IS going to end. And he WILL be horrified.



OK, I'm not going to let you get away with this:

And who is the master of that deception?



Or this:

You MUST remember who the enemy is?

It is NOT the father of your children, the man you chose to spend your entire life with.

YOU know who it is.




No. He really is no worse than tst was or most of the other WS's.

Really.



No...not anymore than MY husband was hopeless.

Do NOT give up hope. That gives power to the enemy...the REAL enemy. HE LOVES HOPELESSNESS.

T2L,,,have we seen a worse wayward???

Ok how about All's H...on DB...he is a real piece of work.
Beats your H any day of the week... ;-)

Dealan - ok I am married to a Scot. Those 100% Italians beat them all. I still have relatives in Little Italy - NYC...
Let's all watch the Sopranos or the Godfather tonight! Even the Irish and the Mexicans..

I'll make you a deal you can't refuse.

Well, I'll take a shot at it


"I’m sorry are crying and I’m sorry that I yelled at your mom but I will not discuss my personal business with you. You are 10 years old and you should just love your dad as I love you just the way you are."

Translation: You are only 10 years old and I am embarassed that you know you dad abandoned you and the family for an adulteress.

"Unlike everyone else around you, I will not pump you full of information you do not need to know about and that’s one of the reasons you are hurting so much. I want to see you a lot but cant because you are being protected from me. I never said your mom is trying to keep me from you but she making it harder because of what you know about me. I’m not a bad person just because I leave a nasty message ONE TIME. You know too much and that makes me very angry at a lot of people. I hate a lot of people right now but you don’t have to know who. Too many people know my personal business and that’s embarrassing to me and the whole family."

Translation: Gee, the adultery isn't so fun anymore now that everyone knows about it.


"Yes this is all bad but it did get a lot worse when it didn’t have to. Stop talking about it and just let me be your dad and stop mentioning her name!!! How do you know I’m with her? Just let it be and lets just enjoy what we have now ok! The more crap I hear and each message I get from people that have nothing to do with our business makes me more angry and bitter. Everyone just needs to shut up!!! And I’m not the only one in the family that agrees with that. Yes I’ve done some bad things and said some mean things but I DO NOT TALK TO THE WHOLE WORLD ABOUT MY BUSINESS!!! Stop judging me and just let me be your dad. Don’t get caught up in all of the girly gossip. You want me to apologize to all of the family? NO!!! I don’t owe them nothing because I didn’t do anything to them!"

Translation: It would be more comfortable for me if you would just be quiet about me leaving the family to engage in adultery.



"If you have a problem with grandma M , you need to deal with that yourself. I’m sick of everyone blaming me for their problems that THEY have with her. THEY need to tell her how THEY feel about her and stop telling me about it!!! THEY are all scared to tell her over the phone so THEY have to keep sending emails to her about crap that has nothing to do with me. She still loves all of you no matter how much you guys hate her. She refuses to respond to all of the negative crap that everyone sends her. She still even has Christmas presents for you."

Translation: Grandma still loves you and it might be time to send HER an email about this attack on your family.

"I have always tried to be the best father to you and I’m still trying but anything I do and have ever done has been judged and measured. So no matter what I do, good or bad, is just not good enough to some people. You all falling into that category and I hope you will just forgive me and love me as I love you. I miss you guys and I still have many dreams about you. A lot of things need to change and its not all about me."

Translation: Everybody hates me, nobody loves me, guess I'll go eat worms................



Dad

That's perfect! Pity it can't go to DS10, but I think you've made an excellent case and would be an excellent interpreter!

Neak asked me to let you know that her internet is down again and she won't be able to post right now.

Neaksis

Okay tell her thanks for taking the time to let me know.

Made it through the day!

Told DS10 that I have to go over the email before I can let him see what was written because its not safe for a 10 year old.

Another dark PB day. He did not contact his kids, wow that's an unexpected news flash, NOT.

I guess considering how badly that email hit me at first, we did fine. DS10 and I rented some movies and watched them together. We finally picked out an activity in the park and rec city guide. He wants to take the home schoolers swim program with water polo etc on Mon, Wed, and Friday and then he wants to take the Diving class that teaches reverse, twisting etc diving and its on Tues, and Thurs. so he will have something Monday-Friday.

He was nervous last week when I told him to pick something out but he seems pretty happy about what we picked.

Oh yeah forgot to tell you guys this, its hilarious. so after I go the email from H i told DS10 that he responded and i could not let him see it all and that I would go through it and show him what was safe. Well he says come on mom tell me what it says and I say I can't really yet honey. So I say well I'll tell you one thing. I said your dad said that the reason you are upset with him is because we are telling you too many bad things about him. Ready for this, I laughed hysterically, he says WHAT! That's ridiculous what a baby! OMG I lost it, he called him a baby. Then he looks at the ceiling and says sorry dad but that's ridiculous. Man sometimes he freaks me out at his candidness, but its also that he nails it right on the money sometimes. Anyways that was the best laugh i had all day a 10 year old calling his father a baby. Dear lord what will he say next.

Anyways I find it interesting that he has told both his kids now, "how do you know I'm with her?" I betcha there's trouble in paradise. And on the last day of Plan A when I said to him this is exhausting and he says what and I respond the sharing and he says your not sharing. IDK. Odd, but really what's odd anymore in Waywardland, or United States of Waywards, or Planet Wayward, or Fogland, or Fogaria doesn't it sound so magical and lovely.

Okay going to bed getting silly...G'night friends

I want to see you a lot but cant because you are being protected from me.

'Dis is what they call one of 'dem ...errr. Freudian slips, methinks. Remember this came from his mind.

Throw away the rest of the letters content- and read this line. it is verrry telling.

He knows what he is doing is wrong.

Kimmy--tried to email you but it didn't work. You need to go back a few pages and edit a quote. If you can't find it email me. Mine hasn't changed. I'll be back later today.

tl

I've calmed down some since I wrote the above. I was too angry, I think. Just stay in your Plan B cocoon and enjoy your children and your own company.

I know you have said he was prone to childish behavior before the A. Maybe you could take this time, in Plan B, to try and figure out what part of his behavior is affair-related and what part is just deep down HIM. Then you'll have a better feeling for how long you're willing to stay in Plan B. You might find that waiting until your one year post D-day is simply not worth it, or you may find that you're content to live your life and enrich your sense of self for longer than your one year goal.

No worries Turtle! Understand, I think that email took everyone by surprise. Well not really me, you could hear I was expecting it the night before from my post. but it all jars my brain.



Well he had angry outburst before the affair, not all the time but here and there. He would throw something or hit a wall. So that was childish crap Pre-A. So anger was already there. His oldest brother, whom he cussed out and said he never wanted to speak to again because he told him he needed to do the right thing, said to my H that he has always been angry. He said you've been angry since you were a kid. So IDK I guess it could be him as well. But now the anger is off the charts. When he was here with the family and going to church, I guess he controlled it but once he did what he did it took him over is the best way to describe it.

I don't know what to do or what I want. I will always love the man he started to become. Each year he walked with God he became more of the real person God created him to be. But after dday he told friends he was living a lie. I am not sure what he meant by that. I think he struggled with things internally(duh) and instead of trying to work through them and not let them define him he owned them, does that make sense?

Most of the time, I am trying to stand for the marriage, but every now and again I think what am I doing he clearly doesn't deserve me or appreciate anything about me. Actually even before the affair I am not fully sure that he accepted me for me. He would poke fun at me quite a bit and with DD17. It wasn't totally malicious but it just was about the way I am-vitamin freak etc etc. But then if you ask him he will say that the 3 of us never accepted him and put him under a microscope. I am not sure what he means by that. Everyday he came home from work he was celebrated and we all ran out to his car to greet him. He says he was put under a microscope and nothing was ever right, and he may be right a bit. HE would have very pessimistic attitudes and I would try to encourage him to see more optimistically and I guess that could feel like a DJ.

I don't know. I am up and down about what to do. I used to tell him all the time he was a great man and always tried to encourage him and give him admiration, now I think he probably thinks I don't deserve him.

I truly don't know what to do. I am torn about it. I know the affair will end and i think by his comments it may already be headed that way, but now a good portion of it is control and making me pay for opening my mouth.

He keeps saying things need to change, but the crazy thing is I have changed I am not begging him or appeasing him which is what i did for 19 years. I have always had a fear of adultery so I think I coward down apologized when i didn't need to and things like that. So yes he's right things needed to change, and I have, my Plan B is part of me standing up for myself and not doing everything to please him constantly and guess what he doesn't like the changes.

I am sure at some point I am going to know exactly what to do with a peace about it. Right now I am trying to stand for him and its really not fun even in PB but I am sad but have bits of calm here and there.

Was listening to some music this morning and a song came on and I remembered that DD17 sent this video to her dad early on, about 4 months or so ago. Its very moving on how these children feel when the parent walks away. H didn't say much to her about it, he said yeah thats a nice song. You figure it would reach him, but fog is unreachable.

Anyways here's the link she sent him: Daddy's little girl

Go get your tissue now....