Hi SL,


You sound ready for it, SL.

Does this also mean that you have worked out all the 'financial end' of things as well?


....and you're getting really good at THIS!

I am as prepared as I can be at this point, Luna.

Financially, the only thing to settle, not that it's small, is the house and equity. The Z told me he would have an answer for me by Springtime, as to whether he could buy me out or not, so I'll wait until the end of next month and then ask again. If we are heading toward selling the house, spring is a good time to put it on the market. Either way, it will get settled. We don't have much of a choice.

Miss Lucidity, the Warrior Princess

This too shall pass. Then you will be TRULY free to make decisions for yourself.

Limbo sucks.

Fox

And that's all we can ask for.

Because in the end, it's truly in G-ds hands, because it's HIS plans....

You are just growing leaps and bounds.....

Hugs to you sweet lady,

yup, limbo sux. I've been in this state for a long time. It's amazing what you can get used to. There is an end in sight, so I got that going for me, which is nice...

I was reading Papa'a thread about when the WS returns, and it dawned on me that, had I followed the MB plan for recovery much more closely, this would have been over a year ago, because the Z did not comply with my conditions for recovery the first time. I was my own worst enemy; I was weak and I should have let the conditions guide me, instead of my heart. I didn't want to end my family. Well, that's where we ended up anyway.

I do not believe the Z was truly sorry for what he did; I do not believe he really wanted recovery; he showed no desire whatsoever to help me heal, to help US heal. That was his decision to make, as he is a free man, and I shoulda payed closer attention. Shoulda, coulda, woulda...hindsight and that whole 20/20 thing can wreak havoc on your life if you try to evaluate the past and your mistakes ad nauseum. :RollieEyes:

I'm a good person, a good woman, a good mother. I'm at peace with myself in all of this.

I've learned a great deal from my mistakes and will carry that into my next relationship.

What more can you really ask for? Your DS is a lucky boy.

I'm glad to be able to count you as a friend.

Fox

You know what the great thing about hitting yourself on the head with a hammer is?

It feels SO good when you stop.

Oh, too true, too true.

In reading here over the years, I have come to find that I am just not cut out for recovering a marriage after infidelity. Too bad I didn't know that going in...

SL :twobyfour:

It takes TWO! You can't do it alone! You know this! Sounds like you are still beating yourself up a little bit in one way or another...

Love you all the same and I feel you...I think I just wrote a little something about that on my thread!

Nah, Rin. I'm not beating myself up, just looking back and trying to learn from where I could have been more constructive in the process. I could have stuck much more closely to the MB recovery platform, but I chose to get loose with the translation, leaving WAY too much wiggle room for me and the Z. He wiggled a whole lot more than I, for sure.

I don't believe I'm cut out because I know now that I cannot be with someone who would cause such devastation and show absolutely no remorse. There has got to be something deeply amiss with someone who is not.

Anyway, just owning my part in how long this has gone on. It's cool. I'm not perfect.

It was worth repeating for myself also!

I can't get a handle on that either. AND POWS continue to try to create a mess in my life...I allowed him to create MORE of a mess back then...I certainly wasn't as strong as I am now...I just don't allow his foul carbon dioxide to enter my breathing area...You know that stuff cause ALL kind of medical problems...headaches, period of unconsciouness, and when exposure is long enough...DEATH!

LOL...just can't have it! You know MY stuff...long hard road...you're probably as glad as I am to be at this kind of thinking...

Just waiting on my HOTTIE to come along! WE'll call the him: Mr. RinDiva! He can take my name!

I think YOU are cut out for recovering a marriage after infidelity..

The PROBLEM was..you were trying to do it ALONE...

IT TAKES TWO!!

By saying this, I see you as rewriting history...

I don't see you as being any different than ME or many others who are RECOVERED...

LOL...RIN and I said the EXACT SAME THING..I hadn't read her post...

Silent:

I totally agree with Mimi on this one.

You were cut out for marital recovery, you just didn't marry someone who was capable of it.

Leave it at that.

April 6 will be a new dawn for you.

Bugsy is well over a year from her divorce date, and look at her now....

Drac is even showing remorse.....

But its too little, too late.

Lights out Z.

Lights On, S/L!

LG

Mimi,

Thanks for stopping by to give me the loving WHACK upside the head. Okay, Rin wins. I suppose it is rewriting a bit. Old habits, you know. Always a pleasure to see your name pop up on my thread.

LG,

It's nice to see you, too. It WAS a huge struggle to go thru all that mess. I think what bothers me most is that I just didn't recognize what type of person I was dealing with and cut all of the carp short. I feel like I aged 10 years in the last three and wasted effort and did more harm than good to my son. I CAN say that I did all that I could do,though, and for that I AM grateful. I sleep like a log at night and my regrets are few. Time to let is lie.

Rin, baby, thanks for being the watch dog ( and I don't mean that literally, because you are a FINE lady)

SL

Being able to say you did all you can do is a wonderful thing.

KNOWING for certain that you did everything you could possibly do, makes for a very soft pillow at night.

You're a wonderful woman, and Mimi, and Rin here are absolutely correct.. there's absolutely no need to rewrite what went on. Sure it was a very difficult time for you, but nothing worth doing is ever easy. Marital recovery in the shadow of infidelity is a monumental task.. but you know that it cannot be done single handedly. You've persevered longer and farther than most anyone would have, and as much as you feel it has cost you.. it is something that you can take much pride in. It is a shining testimony to your inner strength and the character of the woman we've all come to know and love.

This too.. shall pass.

You're on your way to a very bright future with some extremely lucky gentleman someday.

I got you! No dogs here, just the Diva!

Wow, James...geez, thanks.

I'm truly not beating myself up; seriously. I know that it takes two, for sure. The Z prolly did want recovery, but not at the expense that it asks. He wanted to FEEL all those happy feelings (his words to my ears), but sweep (or erase) the past under that dang rug, like "Eternal Sunshine...". It's just not possible.

I do believe in leaving the past put, but I don't believe in ignoring what our poor past actions have done and not do anything to remedy them. That's the point of Recovery, isn't it? meh, it is what it is

NO major regrets, though.

Love y'all. Have a stellar day.

You did your best. The very best that you could. You did all you knew how to do. What more could you do? Be psychic?

It's going to be worth it not just to you, but to DS someday. I've been writing letters to my kids from my current state of mind. By the time they're old enough to understand things, I won't be interested in telling them what I did (and may not even remember it all), but I think they deserve to know what I did to save their family.

Hi SL,


I am a little late chiming in on this... just count me in with the rest who have already so eloquently expressed what in essence is a DJ...to SL!

Can't fool us ...we all know how much effort YOU put into wanting to recover your marriage and your DS's family, even when faced serious health challenges.