Oh, just about 'talking' to the dude out in AZ. I was SURE someone would try to swat me around with some silly 2x4, as if I'm 'rushing' things. I think we all know that I have RUSHED absolutley nothing so far. LOL. Not that three false recoveries and two affairs is anything to laugh at. Slow, steady and cautious are my middle names.

That's a mouth full

No judgement here, SL.


yes, it is. I think I'll stick to "SL."

How's the move for work going?


Fox

Hey SL, it's awesome to see you.

You sound strong and really good. I sure miss you and the jokes lately.

From the words of someone very smart - stoopid waywards.... :crosseyedcrazy:

I guess this is what's called Surviving An Affair.... Adn what a job you have done....

I have seen some good opportunities, but it's just not the right time for me to apply, since I cannot move until summer, most likely. DS has to finish up school. I will begin applying when I have a smaller window.

If I get a settlement from the Z for the house, I will prolly make the move without a job, and get temp work until I can land something permanent. Once I'm better established, I will find a permanent place for us to live. That's ONE plan. I have others. They're all so very complicated, and timing is an issue. Meh, I'm gonna do it, it's just a matter of when.

I have lists and I'm checking them twice. I have a goal list and a 'need to accomplish in order to blow this pop stand' list. I'm working them both slowly.


Yeah. Can't say as I blame ya

It's funny, Queenie. I never really thought of it in those terms. I always read that book thinking it's about SAVING THE MARRIAGE, but the PHRASE is one that can be applied to any of the resultant situations after an affair, either recovery or divorce.

I thank you for looking out for me; and yes, STOOOOOOPID

S/L:

I noticed this:


The good Mayor and chamber of Commerce DO NOT believe for an instant it isn't a "pop-Stand".

But looking at the snow today, it makes AZ look pretty good!

"Chatting" with someone in AZ. Cool. YOUR DONE w/Z. I think its been close to a year an half. Chatting is along way from something else.

You sound terriffic.

LG

PS: Flamingo went to lunch at the Bel-Loc Diner last Friday. She was called "hon" 6 times.......

LG

LG,

Ah, the HUN district. I do love that Balmer. I will miss that, for sure. Yes, the current weather is not my thing. I love me some hot weather. I remember when i lived in GA as a child, those soupy summers. I just loved it. I actually like summer around here. I enjoy fall and spring, just loathe winter. Anything below 50 degrees stinks, IMHO.


So true. So true. It's been close to a year and four years since this whole mess started. I'm ready for whatever's next. Some of the conversations I've had with AZMan have helped me to truly SEE from outside of this thing, and forgive myself for things I never needed to be blamed for in the first place. It's hard to relinquish all that control at once, though; I could pull a muscle

When I'm out in AZ, I'm sure things will shift into a higher gear, but for now, it's been fantastic doing the long distance thing. There has been a lot of talk about boundaries, love (the action, not the feeling), the losses incurred, choices, our past mistakes and our kids; he's got physical custody of his son.

IT's good to have someone's real-time perspective when I've got a quandry about whatever. I am very open with him; don't hold back at all, and he never backs down. HE's put me in my place a time or two, too. It's refreshing to have someone dispute what I say, to correct me when I'm wrong and to put my little patoot in place when I am off my rocker and completely off base.

Speaking of little patoot. I have lost, to date, nearly 30 pounds. I have gone from 170 to 140. I am lookin good. Wish I could afford some new clothes, though; my jeans are a bit baggy, and my rump is not lookin rumpalicious as I'd like

I'm sure won't hear AZman complainin

Um, yeah, I'm sure you won't.

AZman. Awesome.

No 2x4s. You're Done, and you've been approaching everything carefully and cautiously and for the right reasons.

Enjoy.

SL,

2 x 4's? HE77 no! More like HE77 Yeah for AZMan!!


I understand what you are saying here. R gives me this kind of perspective, too. I find it particularly helpful when it comes to making Drac keep his garbage on HIS side of the fence. I'm not GREAT at it yet,,,but R is helping me with a better more REAL TIME perspective.

I'm with BC. I don't think you will hear AZMan complain about the rumpaliciousness! Congrats on the 30 pounds! As Mom 'also' says,,,,,it's not what you SHOW, but what you HINT at that is MOST attractive. You are inspiring me to get off my rump and get rid of the pounds that have chased me back down these last few months!

I'm happy for you girl!

Morning SL! Like MEDC told me once, as long as you know that there's no chance that you will take back the X, then feel free to move on...but if there's the smallest chance, don't go there...

We all know what you ahve been throught, the work that you ahve done... You're great, continue on....

Not a snowball's chance in Death Valley midsummer!

Where is MEDC anyway?

I have no clue where he is, haven't heard from him in a long time, I thought at one point he had changed his screen name...and I've been lost ever since!

If that's the case then why is there anything wrong with it, none that I see!

Hi SL,

Enjoyed catching up on what's happening with you.


...not much room there for grey areas!

SL

I heard from MEDC a couple of months ago. He's okay, he's taking an involuntary break from the boards for awhile. I miss him too. I wish he'd come back.

Thanks for the update on him PM! I miss him too!

The judge ruled it an absolute divorce today, it's now just a matter of the paperwork shuffling thru the court. I felt a little veclempt when my lawyer was prattling off the major events of the last two decades of my life with the Z...but no tears were shed today...I've shed enough.

date of marriage..July 19th, 1997 (flashes of that hot, summer day cutting thru most of the thoughts in my head; it was a drought, the grass was nearly dead on our lawn, but the pool was ready for a PARTY!!! )

do you have a child together?...yes
date of birth...May 23, 2002 (a tough labor, my then DH by my side, holding on for dear life, taking breaks in between my contractions to splash water on his face to keep from passing out.. :MrEEk:)

then to the nitty gritty...

you were separated followed by an attempted reconciliation followed by this final separation (I didn't see the need to go into the fact that there were actually three separations)...each party entered into, with no hope for reconciliation...

..yes...

(these nearly four years didn't flash before me though. I've had enough of remembering them for a while. I'll settle for a little more distance and perspective before I go picking at this scab again.)

...you have been separated for a year, without cohabitation during that time...

...yes...

...repeated the line about no hope for reconciliation...

...yes...

then some information about child support calculations and that was it.

Absolute divorce...as if there's anything less (like what? possible divorce, probable divorce, partial divorce )

the Z just looked sad. I sometimes wish I could be a synapse in that brain of his and know what's firing around in there.meh, whatev...

then, in place of my 25 minute commute, I had a 2 hour commute, in the rain. Good thing I had U2 to keep me company, as well as Colin Hay and Lisa Hannigan.

Other than the slight welling of a single tear during the questions about my 11 year marriage, I've felt basically indifferent to the whole thing. The prevailing thought I had was "what a shame". DS's family has been busted for a long while now, but this was the final nail.

It's a relief for me to let go completely now. I don't feel some immense sense of freedom, but I can move on, fully. No more tears, the pink scars are fading into a translucent silver.

I learned a lot about how to be a better partner, a better spouse, to try harder, to actively listen, to hear about those things that bother my partner, and to take it as constructive criticism. To better myself, despite what's going on around me; to give more, and to drop the word 'expectations' from my vocabulary. I learned to watch what people do, and to appreciate others more.

I learned that you cannot save a marriage alone, no matter how much you want it. I learned I would rather try like hell to fix what I helped break than to have regrets over never trying. I learned more than I can put down in this flat medium.

I suppose I learned how better to love.

I appreciate all those posts that lifted me up when I had no idea how I was going to put one foot in front of the other. I appreciate the jokes and laughter, the 2x4s and the hugs.

Y'all have no idea how grateful I am...

...or maybe you do

(((((Silentlucidity)))))

Thanks Tabby.

What a trip.