I'm on board with MM's approach as well.

It's a hard call. I don't think MG will be seen as an aggressor for throwing her out.

But the alternative of filing for everything and likely winning is good too. It worked for MM. He got his wife back.

I really think that killing the WW's fantasy that they'll leave, take the kids, and have this happy life where she's friends with you and has the "love of her life" is the key to getting your wife back.

Showing her that the reality is going to be nothing like she imagines is the key.

So I think you could go either way, but make a choice. You're not doing much of anything right now. Talk to a lawyer and file for custody and go for everything.

SHE is the one who is a bad mom. Document all the time you're spending with the kids and present it and use all the time she's spending away against her.

Just remember that MM's WW MOVED OUT of his home.

That makes a huge difference. She cut her own throat when she did that.

Unfortunately for MG, his WW didn't do anything before getting counsel.

Soooooo, MG, if you take MM's advice, then you'll still need to EXPOSE on OM's side, but yeah, you'd do well if you didn't sell her car b/c then you can continue to gather intel and DOCUMENT.

Be sure you are keeping a detailed journal stating what you did w/ the kids while your WW was w/ OM. It doesn't matter if she is visiting her mother...she is still w/ OM...so just note THAT. And since you have that GPS, you can print out the intel you are getting from it and use it in court when the time is right.

And please, talk to your kids privately about how wrong her A is.

Been out of the picture a couple days with no exciting news on the homefront.

Anyway, great pieces of advice from everyone and most opinions are very justified, but they conflict. I am NOT going to sell the car at this time for 4 reasons: 1) I need it to gain intel with the GPS 2) If this goes the distance to court, then I can't have the judge view it unfavorably (just protecting myself, kind of like taking away the credit cards) 3) I can only get $2K for it, anyway and 4) if we do reconcile, I'm better off having that car than the new car payment. So, obviously, selling the car is only about putting the shaft to her.

I have not warned her of consequences associated with staying out overnight yet, but I will. She has only done this twice - New Year's Eve when my DD slept over someone else's house and 2 days later when both DD and DS were staying overnight, so the impact of having the children be home when she pulls this would be far greater. As several people have noted, I think the best thing to do is pack the crap in boxes and bring it to OM's house, but I'll certainly be caught in the middle of the act before I've unloaded them all.

FYI - OM is 52 (8+ yrs older than WW), drives a piece of crap, and lives in a dump. I just don't understand because WW wouldn't otherwise tolerate that. Reality will set in at some time, but she's been damn cold to me when I'm trying to do ENs.

Gotta go. My DS's basketball game. WW has only seen one so far. I haven't missed one yet.

Make sure you note that in your records!

Don't worry, it's being noted. I have the flexibility to leave work early, WW does not. Doesn't matter. She could have made games before she started working, but only went to one.

Plan A is now officially over. We had a couple arguments last night and she is totally pissing me off. I have moved ALL of her stuff out of the master bedroom and created a mountain on the bed in my daughter's room. Fortunately, DD gets home at 3:30 so I'll have a chance to have a private conversation with her about what I did. When WW and DS get home at 6:00, I'll take the kids to dinner and let WW get to work, because there's alot to do. Meanwhile, I am installing a lock on my bedroom door and will keep it locked at all times.

WW has been getting sneaky lately, too. Every morning before she goes to work (I've already left), she brings something over to the hawk next door, and hides it under her coat so the neighbors across the street won't see. She hasn't been logging onto e-mail on the computer, making me fear that she has some key logger or something on the home computer. I have a computer security expert coming over to see if the computer has been compromised. Meanwhile, I will change all passwords and not use the main computer for logging into anything. I'll move my laptop into my locked bedroom and use that.

Does anybody have something that describes Plan B? I'm ready.

A digital voice recorder, perhaps? Or video camera? Check the kids rooms, and your rooms while she's out.

Why are you dumping her crap in your poor DD's room?

Why not the porch? Or the basement? The garage?


She's probably afraid you have a keylogger on it.

Can't be done if you are still living in the same home.

What did you fight about? Maybe we can talk you through it.

Munny,

I really think you should take all the stuff out of your daughter's bedroom. Think of the position she's in. She can't say no to you and can't say no to her mom.

You should protect her.

Putting all your wife's junk in her bedroom is putting your DD in the middle.

Take all your wife's stuff and put it somewhere else. Put it in the living room, boxes in the garage, wherever, but your daughter is caught in the middle here and it isn't fair to her.

Good on you to lock her out of your bedroom, but put her in an air mattress in the basement or something, but not in DD's room. That's just not fair to DD.

It goes like this, MG, no matter what:

Kids first
You second
Everything else next
Active waynerds DEAD LAST

But that kids first is the biggie. Sometimes, in our own pain, we forget.

Sheild your dau from your Waynerd's carping about you (and she will...WN's aren't the most tactful critters). An active waynerd doesn't deserve the comfort of her dau...she deserves the asphalt in the garage or the cold gloominess of a basement (whatever those are...Northerners...sheesh!)

Thank you for your guidance, but you're killing me. Now, I have to spend the next hour or so dragging all that crap downstairs. But that's OK. Maybe it'll be as much fun as I had this morning. I'm sure it will be. I just need to figure out the best place for "the effect".

Hint: The pillow goes right next to the cat box.

I know. Not very Plan A...

At least I didn't tell him how much fun using certain dental instruments are to clean a certain facility!

I'm glad you're moving your stuff. Your DD will be, too. Can't imagine a judge having a hard time with your decision: "I did my best, but I couldn't stand to share a room with a woman who is having SF with another man one day longer."

Agreed with catperson. Besides, you moving the stuff will give you something to do, and it will feel good to have accomplished it.

I sincerely hope you have been leaving WW out of the loop. Tell her nothing about anything. The moer surprises you throw her way, the better IMO.

WW does not know about the moving of the stuff, but it wouldn't surprise me if she's suspicious of something because I didn't go to work today. However, DD will probably text her before she gets home, so it won't be a surprise.

Just for clarification - her stuff in the master BR was "residual" clothes that she doesn't use every day. She doesn't live in my room anymore - she's staying with DD, and DD has no privacy (she said that). Now there's NOTHING in that room that belongs to her, so there's no reason for her ever to be in there. I'm going to also move my laptop and important financial paperwork, too. This will all be behind locked doors.

I'm cheering for you, MG. Good luck tonight.

Watch out about the financial paperwork. If this is joint property, you need to make this available to her. If she wants to see it, you can go together and have copies made or go over the docs together, but you cannot exclude her access to information about property and finances she also has ownership of. I'm no lawyer so maybe confer with an expert to be sure. But I know I'd fight this confining of financial information to your eyes only, especially if I thought my H was gearing up to divorce me.

So you took stuff out of DD's bedroom that WW had brought in there? Excellent - I have to commend you on that. Especially since you implied that DD has made a complaint about privacy. DD absolutely deserves her privacy - next time WW accuses you of dragging her into it remind her that she's the one making all the impositions on DD.

Oh, and expect her to be furious. Do what you can to resist being drawn into an all out argument over it. Whatever you say, say it calmly. Try to visualize taming a wild animal - speak slowly and softly, even if your words are ugly for her to hear.

Also document that you did this for the GOOD of DD. That DD needed her privacy and mom was imposing because she can't sleep in your room while she's hussy-ing around with another man.