MunnyG,

I have to applaud you for what you're doing. Too easy to make a testicle joke here, so I'll leave that to others.

But awesome job. These strong, decisive things that make life difficult for a WW are the things that NEED to be done by BHes and by all means continue to defend your DD.

I also hope you've moved all your money into a separate account.

Good job!

Awesomeness!

Killed two birds w/ one stone.

Now tell us that you dumped her crap some place super unpleasant.

Loved the catpan idea!

For clarification - I removed all her stuff from MY room, and put the lock on MY door. I had put her crap into DD's room because that's where WW "moved in", but everyone on the forum said I shouldn't do it, so I moved it back out of DD's room and into the living room. WW's daily stuff still resides in DD's room where WW still "lives".

Evidently, in the transfer from DD's room to the living room, I must have grabbed a couple of the "daily" things, so she was all hissy with me this morning (I never saw her yesterday) because I had no right to take stuff out of DD's room. I said it wasn't intentional and that "This is the choice you made. You better not stay overnight again ...." I did not give the consequences, but WW now knows there may be a price to pay if she stays at OM's overnight again.

I took the kids to dinner and Dave & Buster's last night (fun had by all), so they weren't around when WW came home to see the piles. WW didn't want to go, so she got home and went to see OM immediately. Gee, what a surprise. I figured she wouldn't want to go, and I'm glad she didn't. I'm getting pretty tired of this situation.

At least 3 weeks ago. It felt great and took a huge monkey off my back. I think it was the start of my healing process. That was the first day I smiled since D-day about 5 weeks earlier.

MG

If you haven't already....
Start changing all utilities at home to your name! Make all payments from your money!

My WW came home one day...after I exposed to OMGF...threw the checkbook and cc cards on the table....told me she was turning off every utility in her name. This was on a Sunday night!! By 8am I had every utility changed to my name....the phone company stuck her with her unpaid balance!! She called me about 8:30am and said....I won't turn off the utilities...I was angry. I told her...don't worry about it....I changes them all already...she was speechless...this was backin July.

I even took myself off OUR car insurance policy and got my own. They wouldn't let me drop her....but I could take myself off.

It is REALLY good to see a BH who does not just bend over for his WW. Seriously, it is good to see a BH with the cajones to take charge as you have.

If you ever consider just giving up...consider what Pom went through when he thought it would help things to just give his WW what she wanted. (Sorry Pom! Just trying to help Carp!)

he'd have to find me under my old name which was mustangdriver and my first name was papaof3.

But yes, appeasement will simply get you divorced, without money, without your stuff and without your kids.

Ok. Now that you have physically said - out loud - you better not stay overnight again...

Every time she stays overnight, take her boxes and move them to another, less convenient place, until they're in the rafters over the cars in the garage. THAT will tell her you're serious. Every action gets a reaction. PLEASE do this! Might be a bit cathartic for you, too.

As for DD's room, I disagree with you for leaving her stuff in DD's room. Protecting your DD is removing her mother's stuff from her room; nothing less.

But if you're unwilling to move her out of there, is WW sleeping on the floor or a mat? If not, tell your DD that from now on, DD gets the bed. And the next time WW tries to take the bed, in front of the kids, you calmly tell her that if she tries to take her daughter's bed again, you will call Family Services on her.

Read that again and again....the whole post.

I don't really know how I would go about this. DD and WW are real tight, and WW is sleeping in the same bed - queen size. There's no other place for WW to go in my house.

We had a relatively calm discussion last night about finances. Earlier this week, I told her that I was discontinuing her car insurance by end of today, giving her 3 days to get insurance. She told me she wanted me to sign over the car, and I said it's not happening so long as she's not paying any expenses around the house. She agreed to discuss expense-splitting and I told her I would consider signing over the car afterward. Plus, I don't want to lose access to the car with my new little GPS toy.

I'm pulling together a spread sheet this morning that shows a fair expense-splitting proposal (between 25% and 33% of household expenses). She's gonna freak because it will take up all of her income. Once again, that's the choice she made, right? I'll also pull together the same spread sheet that'll show what her expenses would be if she stayed in the house, even including child support, and she'll be convinced there's no way she can afford it. If I can get her to leave, it dramatically improves my chances that my son will want to stay with me at the home.

I left her a note this morning that I wanted to discuss everything including expense-splitting. We've had little to no discussions on our marriage and its faults, so I'd like to take some time to discuss them and assure her that anything that she considers to be a problem is fixable, even though I know she's going to say "I don't want to fix it". She did make a comment last night that it bothered her that we arrived at our current financial situation because I'm a financial planner and I should know better. I think she blames me for that, and for not sitting down with her in the past and describing our financial shape. Instead, I internalized it, worked harder, and didn't stop her from spending whatever money she wanted for the family, household, and children. I also explained that our financial position started in 2000 when I changed careers to become a FP and that we've been behind the 8-ball ever since, but are climbing out.

I just think it's important for us to discuss the past problems because I don't think they're as bad as she's making them out to be. I don't want her to fester on them, because I think she'll remember the negatives and not the positives. Your thoughts?

Remember - she's a WW and not considering your best interests. Don't sign over the car just because she promises to split expenses. She'll likely promise now and change her mind right after you sign it over.

My thoughts exactly. I'm not letting go of that car because it's my only leverage. All bills are in my name and I won't let any of them go unpaid because I want to maintain my high credit score. Besides, it's my only way to legitimately use the GPS device.

Kind of interesting. This thread started about whether or not to sign over the car, we've discussed everything else under the sun, and here we've come full circle.

It doesn't matter that you are 100% correct in all this, she's a wayward and won't see it this way. Be prepared for her to blame you and accuse you of manipulation. Don't be drawn into a screaming match - if she gets rediculous use some reverse fog-babble (Mel's potato chip response may be perfect).

Again, being actively wayward, she is festering on the negatives and nothing you say will change that. Not only that, she has likely rewritten your history and she's going to dwell on insignificant things. That said, it doesn't hurt to point out the positives, but be prepared for disappointment whens he doesn't see it that way. Again, don't be drawn into a screaming match - have a potato chip comment ready.

Get her a inflatable twin sized mattress. Nothing more. It can be inflated with an included compressor or a vacuum cleaner. And put it in that room with the catpan.

She doesn't need to be in DD's room. DD has complained about lack of privacy.