Hi everyone. I can honestly say that I am not happy to be here. But am am looking forward to getting support and advice from you all on here. Here is the short version of my situation.

DH and I have been married for 8 years and together for 13. I am 30 he is 29. I was his first and only partner. We tried for kids, had 5 miscarriages, adopted 3 wonderful children from Ukraine, got pregnant unplanned and now have our miracle baby boy who is 10 months old. DH and I, since having children, have grown a little distant, had normal marrital problems, but have always got along great for the most part. He has always been such a wonderful christian man who I could always depend on. A few months ago, he started acting really weird. We started to fight more and he was saying really harsh things to me. At that point he decided to go to his step sister for advice (also married, has 3 children, but her DH moved out to live with another woman) Step sister has been DH's sister for the past 22 years. They have always been close, but I never thought anything of it. DH started staying overnight at her house a few months ago and that is when I noticed major problems in our marriage. He finally told about 2 months ago that he wanted out of the marriage and that he no longer had feelings for me. I was devestated. I knew that the SS had everything to do with it. I confronted him and he said they were just close and he could confide in her. Well, to make a long story short, he finally came out and told me that he had an "emotional" affair with her. About a week later SS's DH called me and told me that it was a lot more to it. I confronted DH and he admitted it to me and he told me that he loved her and not me. The sad part is, is that not only is he losing me and the ability to be a Daddy to his kids everyday, he is losing his extended family as well. No one in his family is accepting this. DH has always been so close to his family and it doesn't seem to bother him. His "love" for his SS is so strong that he doesn't care. This is just NOT like him. EVERYONE who knows him says that he has changed and that the person they thought he was is not who he is now. I swear I think he has been brainwashed by her. She is a very seductive woman, she always has been. She has a way with men. I have told him that I hate who he has become, but if he ever changes back into the person that I married that I would welcome him back with open arms. He says he wants a divorce, but doesn't seem to be pushing it right now. I love my DH and I want so bad for him to turn around and get his life back on track. Oh, and to top it off, he is saying that he believes that this is God's will for them to be together. He says that he didn't chose this, it just happened and that this affair has NOTHING to do with why he wants to end the marriage (I know better). So, what can I do?? I have done it all.....I've been nice to him, I've cussed him out and used phrases that I never thought could come out of my mouth, I've even acted like I was over him, but nothing is working. I told him to quit going around her and talking to her but he says that he doesn't think he can do that. He is ruining his ENTIRE family. HELP!!!! How can I get him away from his horrible seductive step sister and wake him up before he ruins his life and his family?????

Welcome to MB, although I am very sorry that you are here...


I know you have done some exposure, but I would continue with that...make sure his whole family and your whole family knows.

Then read up on Plan A and begine implementing that while you are reading up on and prepping for Plan B. Let's start there.

[P.S. email a mod and ask that this thread be moved to GQ11...you will get a lot more responses and help over there.]

Thanks! His whole family knows and they are backing me up 100%. But, it is making him mad and DH says that it is pushing him towards her even more.

I am new to this posting stuff, so I am not sure how to get the moderator's e-mail??

Welcome to the site. Your story is similar to mine and most others on this board. You are not alone here.

When people have affairs (waywards) they turn into different people that do not care about anybody but the OP (other person). They will destroy everything in their path including themselves. My wife has told me 100 times she is doing what God has told her to do. She also rewrote our entire marriage history to make it sound like she was miserable the whole time and never loved me. Its a way to deal with the guilt they are suffering.

The only thing us betrayed spouses can do is to learn everything we can. We have reality on our side they only have "feelings". He has to make the decision to come out of the fog of the affair you cannot make him do it. The vets on this board will help you come up with a plan (it will involve Plan A most likely). The Plan is to help YOU get through this.

You are going into the fight of your life hang in there. It is very hard to watch a person you love so dearly tear themselves apart but remember to protect yourself first.