Heart.

""she says I have scheduling with a MC who has a bias...""



That is toooooo funny!

A Marriage Counselor that has a bias..like toward making a marriage work, making it better??

Your WW spouting fluent FOGBABBLE.

There is a way to respond to fogbabble. There are a couple lengthy threads on this subject.

Stay strong, calm, and a rock for your kids.

kirk

Good, HP! What is the "bias" exactly?

That she and her Dad have written the books I have been reading and all this exposure crap I have learned is from them and she will take my side and see only my viewpoint...

Imagine that - a MC Biased towards saving marriages.

HIP,

Some disjointed thoughts:

I counseled with Jennifer following both my d-day 1 and d-day 2 in the fall.

With my WW, Jennifer got on the phone with her one-on-one, which I'm sure she will do in your session.

Jennifer was pretty successful at winning WW over because she knew all the emotions she was going through.

If you want to use MB, you have to be careful about "educating" your WW. That will turn her off, as she has already said.

-- My WW immediately said the same thing about moving to a nearby apartment. She wanted a love nest, while I carried the ball on the kids.

Well, that didn't happen, heh.

I must admit that I haven't read your whole backstory, but if there isn't a reporting relationship between WW and OM, I'm not sure the company will much care. If every workplace affair resulted in firing there would be no employees.

You should tell your W that you were following MB advice in exposing, trying to save your marriage, and not being vengeful. Show her the excerpt here where that is discussed. That may help things.

Good luck with Jennifer, she is excellent.

PS: I think it is helpful to think of your WW as 'insane' right now. Don't waste your time pursuing relationship talks or asking how she feels about the marriage. it will only bring you pain. My WW looks back and says excactly that, she was 'insane'. She honestly doesn't remember half the hurtful things she said.

If you can get contact cut off and get her on recovery, it DOES GET BETTER. I didn't believe it, but it does. My estimate was 1 percent every 3 days :-)

Maybe a stupid question...

Is Jennifer, Jennifer Harley?

Does she offer counseling, too?

I can only find references to Steve Harley for phone counseling.

Is there a separate link for her?

Thanks.

Oh, you are welcome! If I were to ever meet you in person you could expect some tears from my eyes and a potential bone-crushing hug!

And JL, Rev, Big Pic, Mr. G, Ms M, and anyone else I've left out...you would be in line for huge hugs also. Thanks so much...

Heartinpain: Hang in there! We (me and the experts here) got your back. It's going to get worse before it gets much better. But you CAN do this! You can slay the dragon. Be patient, be persistent and be strong for yourself and your children.

*fist bump* be strong!

I can totaly see her point here. Marriage counselors like the Harleys, who WANT a marriage to survive and belive in marriage, may think that her affair is wrong. They will probably think that she should stop her affair, and might even think that she should have never started it.

I think I can see why she thinks they will be biased.

I think it is Jennifer Harley Chalmers, something like that, Steve's sister, willard's daughter

She lives in Asia somewhere, so her times are different.

Well, they will definitely want her to stop her affair, can't imagine any MC who wouldn't think that was a prerequisite to saving a marriage.

But the whole concept of MB on infidelity is that people don't look outside their marriage unless their partner isn't meeting their needs and being a good spouse.

So i think it is the opposite of judgemental, they make the betrayed spouse own some ofn fact, they are very much a forward looking program. I think in the one-on-one with my WW they probably asked some historic A details, but with the overall counseling it is "let's get working on ENs and LBs..."

you got some great advice. Nothing extra to add except more of a confirmation of what has been said...

My wife cut off contact the very next day after she admitted. I have seen her go through lot remorse. even now. I dont think she is completely out yet. But I have seen some great signs. I am estimating another couple of months before she is completely out.

What helped ?

1) NC - Me firmly setting boundaries of NC and other things
2) Changing my behavior for me, for my son, for her...you get the point
3) She seeing me hurt all long.. That really moved her
4) She working on herself in the meantime..Reading, ICing, talking with me on regular basis.

I feel for you when you say you want to see the remorse in her but there are prerequisites that need to be in place before that can happen. You need to take charge just a bit here.

Also suggest reading up on Plan A and Plan B.

Good luck.