My wife's behavior started to change in Aug (late nights, sleep overs, lies, no intimacy, etc). It was almost like a flip of the switch. She was one person pre Aug and another ever since.

She said it was just me and she needed some space and time (I never let her pursue any goals)....That is BS.

As I piece it all together she became very good friends with another female...so in my eyes it was just a "friendship". I found a few things online talking about their anniversary, etc....I was hurt and kept hurting....didn't ever have full-proof of anything but always suspected it. I asked her several times and she always said she was just a friend. I am sad that she had my kids around it as well. On more than one occasion.

Everyone in my family and friend circle suspected it, and I was the one who said no WAY. Hell, even her close friends stopped being friends as they felt she was hurting me. I feel like an idiot. I was in her corner even when the entire family is telling me I need to take off the blinders.....I guess I never wanted to believe. I was holding out hope that I could win her heart back.

She stated I never supported her in her goals, although most would see that she had everything she ever wanted...

Well, just this weekend I found out that indeed there was a relationship emotional and physical. She lied about it and then tells me the truth (or at least some of the truth). I have always given her so much respect, but the blatant disrespect cuts very deep. I am so confused. I know that I love her, but as I type this.... guess what...she is out with this woman. WTF?

Why? I guess, I need to let the affair run its course? She is exposed, she is angry and sad and a completely different person. She blames me for everything. I know I am not perfect, and have faults, but I didn't make her go sleep with another person.

This just sucks....thanks for letting me vent.

I have to continue to believe there is hope.


Father/Husband, of 3 wonderful boys.

I am living proof that it gets easier. What you don't know is when or how.

I just learned to put one toe in front of the other and move one toe by toe. I gave myself a break, I listened and I learned and I gave my life to G-d and surrendered to him for guidance.

The only thing I had to change was EVERYTHING, and I did because I wanted to look myself in the mirror and know I did EVERYTHING I possible could to save my M.

You will walk through pain, you will hurt, you will cry, you will crumble, you will learn things about yourself you never knew and yet, even after that.... it will still hurt.

This becomes a part of your life story, you will never be the same, you will always have this trauma, but you will grow, live and change over time to a place where the knife isn't so bad... Because you have healed and you have walked through what you needed to to allow yourself to heal.

You are so right you did not cause this A. You contributed to the state of your M that allowed the A to happen, but actually doing it solely rests on her shoulders.

Welcome to MB if you are new... Read, learn, ask questions and then formulate your strategy for whatever recovery you are seeking.

Hang in there hurt-n-side!

HOrrible feeling, I know having walked in similar shoes as you. I'm actually surprised more have not chimed in on your thread...must have been a slow night.

You are kind of unique in that your WW is having an A with another woman instead of OM. Be strong, read, read, read and read more.

Read up on Plan A, Plan B and get the Surviving an Affair book (in bookstores and available on this site). You WW is displaying the typical traits of a WS -- lying, "we are just friends," crazy speak, not-typical actions, etc.

Think about exposing to everyone you can think of -- her family, friends, the OWs family, friends. Even workplace. Does the OW have a BF? GF? Married?

We are here for you! Keep posting on this thread and letting the wise veterans see what's happening in your relationship / situation. You are going to get great advice here.

Keep the faith...hang in there! D.

hurtingnside,

After a month of being back in relationship with my wayward wife, everything seems to back to normal... My wife is doing all the things she used to do when we we're dating. I think she is completely back.

The problem is, I'm only about 85% recovered. I believe that I got all the information from my wife, including intimate details. I still have anger. The hurt runs deep. I'm dealing with this daily. I want to give you hope... but it takes a long, long time to heal. Just hang in there.

This forum is the best place for a man to get help with a cheating wife. There just does not seem to be a lot of resources out there that helps the man.

My heart goes out to you.

Thanks for the replies.

EVERYTHING has changed. I just struggle with knowing if she really wants in this marriage or out.

Each day is a struggle with the feeling that a knife has been stuck inside you. I feel very hurt for my kids. They are all so innocent and deserve none of this.

That's the same feeling I had... I may have personally described it a bit cruder... but for the sake of decorum on this message board, I won't repeat those words.

What i struggle with is how she changes on the drop of a dime. It seems one minute she wants to be married and the next she is off with the other person....this puts me on a roller coaster...

This morning, she had great sadness, and also indicated that I am smothering her. This is confusing....especially when she was out with her friend last night...and told me she was....

Each hour it seems like all I try to do is get to the next.....

Have you had time to read much on this website? Right now your wife is NOT your wife, but a wayward who is very ADDICTED to the A. It's commonly referred to on here as an alien who has abducted your wife and dropped a monster down in her place.'

HER EMOTIONS are all over the place. The good news is that she is no different and that all waywards seem to do almost the same lines, stories, actions etc.

Get the book Surviving An Affair and read as much as you can on here. It will help you to understand what is happening and how you can get some action back into your life without having to react to her craziness and chaos.

Thanks...I will be getting the book today....

I am trying to read as much as I can on the site....thanks...just wish I found this site 6 months ago

Me too! Strike that, wish I had found this site sixTEEN years ago!

I think a lot of us can say that, but as I have learned on here and through this journey... G-ds timing is perfect in all things.

We might have found this site earlier, but were we really in a place to have had it make a difference to us? And the most important thing is you have found it now.

Very true.

6months ago, I thought I would have rated my marriage a perfect 10. I do believe things happen for a reason, and g-d has a plan. I also know that 6 months ago, I wouldn't have really thought I needed a site like this.

Good news, if there is one right now, I know about the site, and can work towards saving my marriage and giving it everything I have.

Get on anti-deps, dude. It will help you AND your kids AND your chances for recovery.