I have exposed WS in every way possible about his affair. His family and I are now working on exposing the OW (which is his step sister and which is why his family is involved) The only concern that I have is that when WS's Mom told OW that she has sent a letter in the mail to tell her employer (she is on a church staff) about her affair with her step brother, my WS called his mom and told her that what she did will not change things with him and OW and that it is only pushing him toward her more. ARGH!!! Is this a normal reaction??? Is he maybe just bluffing so we will leave her alone, or do you think it is possible that it is really bringing them closer???

He is bluffing. Waywards almost always act angry over exposure or claim that it only makes them closer. What it really does is blow up the fantasy of the affair. I think that response is just a defense mechanism as waywards fight to keep the fantasy going.

You are doing the right thing. When waywards get angry about exposure, it's a good sign that it's working.

Hang in there.

want2restore, I agree with Runnerboy65. He is just trying to get you to back off of the exposure.

You do have an uphill fight but it can be done if your heart is in it and you are willing to accept your husband back.

The biggest problem is that your family will never be the same...

Please take a look at my similar situation. I received EXCELLENT help from my friends here at MB. You will too.

I may be able to answer some of the family related questions you are going to have. Let us know how we can help you.

Get going and good luck!!!

God bless.

Jim

Absofreakinglutely. I'd be worried if he DIDN'T respond this way.

When I did my major exposure, I asked FWH later in the day what he was going to do...was he going to try to fix things and make this right? His answer was: (drum roll, please):

"Well I can't NOW...everyone KNOWS and I'll never be able to show my face again!"

WHAT.EV.ER. I rolled my eyes and said "Oh right...you're going to look BETTER if you just go ahead and desert your W and 4 young children after YOU had an A!!!!".

We've been in recovery for almost 2 years now, BTW.

True. FWH was not initially too mad (I believe he knew deep down that this is what was needed in order to get him out of the deep doo-doo he had dug himself into. In fact, when I exposed them (they had met on a message board for runner's and that's where I exposed), he sat right next to me on the couch and WATCHED me write up the post. He shrugged his shoulders and said quietly "Do whatever you need to do...".)

He became angry as the day wore on, however...when the fallout from the exposure began getting ugly.

OW was also quite upset...she emailed me a very stupid email about "soulmates" and some other of the completey typical cr*p that they all spew...and apparently lost her whole social life when most of her "friends" from that board no longer wanted anything to do with her once they found out what a whore she was. They were probably worried she'd go after THEIR husband's too.

Just telling you this so that you can calm down and know that this is completely NORMAL. You are busting up the fantasy and ruining their "dream". Boofreakinghoo.

Marriedforever,
Wow! So you have 4 kids too? It makes it even harder for all of this when that many kids are involved. I am so happy that you are working out your marriage. I hope I can be a success story on here one day too.

W2R

The other thing to keep in mind is that it helps to also disolve this fantasy that everybody will accept their choice and life will be better than normal. My W found out very quickly that both families, and all our friends were ready to disown her. To the point that her best friend did not want her in her house. It is an extreamly powerfull tool and everything you are hearing in very much the norm. If anything try to see if there might be some mutual friends that you can expose to, in my case it helped tremendously.