Hmmm. I am pondering this one.
I have plenty of friends, guys and girls, and I am well liked and loved by them.... but it suddenly occurred to me the other day that maybe I am just not GF/W material.

Why you ask?

I just do not have the time to have any big time consuming hobbies or interests that I do on a REGULAR basis.

I like to do things, don't get me wrong, but if I have my kids, I have my kids. My friends can spend time with me and my kids, but, they are first and foremost. I just spent a few hours at the local "funflatibles" (giant blow up slides and stuff) with my kids and one of my friends. We all had a great time. But, when I am dating, I do not have whoever I am dating around my kids. I want to make sure that it is going to be long term, not "Just another guy".

When I do not have my kids, and I am not working , I do things like get a pedicure, go shopping, go to the bookstore, a museum, etc. By myself, if no one can go, and I am fine. Basically, I am pretty independent. I will go out for drinks, dinner, or movies with friends. BUT, again, I do not have any BIG attraction out of the ordinary.

So, AM I BORING to men??? I have a several male friends that call me to talk, that are open with me, that ask me things, I can ask them whatever. We meet up for dinners, drinks, watching TV... which is great.

BUT. I wonder. Am I too open of a person? Am I too self-sufficient?

What can I do to be more appealing to men for MORE than friendship? (FYI, the men that I am good friends with, that is ALL it would ever be... we are JUST friends... But I do not want MORE friends...)

I've heard people don't want to ruin relationships with people from whom they draw advice.

So, my advice to you is to stop being Dr. Phil.

Depending on your faith you can always try church. Though church is not a guarantee--it is a hospital for sinners after all, with nurses and doctors in the form of pastors and other churchgoers--it might help. Decent people can be found where decent people gather.

You could try volunteer work, or something of that nature, to meet people. You have to be friends with someone before you can get romantic.

1. Sadmo, having more friends in this world is not a bad thing!

2. Learn how to flirt.

Good girlfriend material is dependent on the guy. Maybe if you understood the guy your attracted to (assuming he's an emotionally, mentally, physically healthy type) and understand what would attract him.

Your ambivalence to dating is probably apparent to all and is your prime inhibitor to finding a partner. Most people probably think you're not interested enough. I have the same problem. It's a Catch-22 situation.

RN-
I KNOW having friends is NOT a bad thing... LOL... I would like to have a 'significant' other.

And I do know how to flirt! LOL, the first thing I did after I got a D was pick up a guide to flirting- I was worried I had lost my touch, but it comes back to you!

KR-I do not really have a lot of TIME, that is my conundrum. I am able to go out every second weekend, and once in a while during the week. ONCE IN A WHILE...

Booka- I do not feel that I am ambivalent about dating. I would LIKE to be with someone, but I do not NEED to be with someone. When I am with someone that I like and care for, they know, I do not just act the same way towards everyone.

I am comfortable with who I am, I like who I am. I do not want to change WHO I am.

I just FEAR that I may be boring, since I do not have any big "hobbies" ...

Mo - If you're serious about dating and eventually finding a significant other, having the time to actually, you know, date is kind of important.

If you're going into these dates with a qualifier that your time is limited, that might be having a negative impact on their interest in you. It sounds to me like you're only willing to give over a few days a month to this. It's hard to get excited or enthusiastic at that prospect.

Meaux Meaux,

I don't think there's any problem with you. Unfortunately for the women, in my recent experience with dating there seems to be a lot more single women than men in our age group. Even on catholicmatch.com, the women I talked to were having a hard time finding a decent guy. I found the quality of women to be amazing, but even on a christian Catholic website, most of the men were weirdos and in smaller numbers.

You're probably just fine. Just need a little patience.

I do have a single brother that's 35, has a good job, and is raising 2 girls, but you'd probably think he had a funny accent, LOL!

You will be hard pressed to keep someone else interested in your with your limited availability. One of my dating rules is that a person must be available to date. For me, I would define for someone I'm interested in seeing them every weekend, unless of course there was visitation, then every other weekend and any available weeknight. You're probably not available enough to fan the flames and that's a factor that you'll have to accept. It is what you are willing to put into it.

I talk a lot about perception. I feel strongly that we should not tailor who we are solely based upon others perceptions of us, but it would be foolish not to consider their perceptions as least on an analytical basis. You may not think that you're ambivalent about dating, but I perceive that you are. And if I perceive it, others will. Please take that into consideration.

Dating is difficult. If it was easy, we'd all be in various stages of relationships with true partners.

And since I forgot to mention it, make all of the friends that you can and keep on adding them. Build a network and see if that doesn't pan out for you in the form of referrals, suggestions, etc. What did people do before online dating? How did civilization survive without online dating?

You can never have too many friends and having friends of the opposite sex can be very useful.

One another note which I feel should be a mutual agreement by anyone in the dating market. If you meet someone and they are not right for you, consider if they might be a better match for someone you know and make a referral. Let's call that the Golden Rule of Dating.

BC-
Hmmm, 35?, a WEIRD accent????? I am SWOONING already!!! Lol..Too bad he lives so far away... He DOES live far away, right???

It does seem like the dating pool around me too is definitely on the better side for men. I know tons of single women. Not so many guys.

Seabird- I do make the time, if I can!

Booka, how may I ask, do I seem ambivalent about dating? I do not feel that I am. I do not go into it with a "I ONNNNNLY have this [/size] little amount of [size:11pt] time to spend with you..." it just is the fact. With what I work, and when I do not have the kids, I have limited time. If I like someone a lot, I can make other arrangements for the kids. One of the guys that I dated just could not seem to understand that I had to make arrangements if I wanted us to get together. I felt like he did not understand what it is like being responsible for kids, even though he had two.

I can see the person every second weekend or once during the week. I think that I have enough time to "fan the flames". I do not want to just jump into seeing someone everyday, or even every second day, right at the start. I know a lot of people that crash and burn with those kinds of relationships. It is all great, then one of them loses interest, and the other one is crushed.


I am just not meeting "Mr. right for me" right now. But that is ok. I will keep looking, and ONE DAY....

Oh yeah, about as far away as you can get, alllllllll the way down in Houma, La, but if there's good deer hunting where you're at, I'm sure he'd consider relocation

LOL BC

There's fantastic deer hunting up here BC..


Sincerely
Chopped Liver

Why did you sign your post as chopped liver? LOL

BTW we have fantastic deer hunting here in the mountains of Pennsylvania!

I don't think my brother's the man for you Jamesus :RollieEyes:

You lookin for a young stud Allurin?

Sureee don't they say age is just a number?

Hey! Don't make me fight you for the "YOUNG STUD!"
lol!

And there is PLENTY of deer hunting by me....