T2L, OMG -- when H told D15 he was leaving the next day she came to me with that song on her Ipod.
She said that is exactly how I feel about Daddy moving out. She wanted to talk to him about it. I told H about the conversation I had about it. 2 days later my D15 gives the Ipod to H and has him listen to the song...what does he say..

Oh no I am not leaving because of you, I am leaving because I am not happy and your Mom and me do not get along.

She was furious. I told him you never validated her feelings at all. He just used all fog babble.

That song will rip your heart out. How could they not react to it?

ok, I am not as clever, witty or insighful as the others, so excuse my mistakes....

Dear T2L via DS10. A-ha! i have found a way to bypass PlanB.

I'm sorry are crying
true but damn it why are you making me see you are unhappy?
and I'm sorry that I yelled at your mom but I will not discuss my personal business with you.
Schoolbus says that a statement preceeded by a 'but' cancels out the first statement so..... he is not sorry?
You are 10 years old and you should just love your dad as I love you just the way you are.
I am a freeloader and I wish you to be a freeloader so i dont have to make things right like a buyer would
Unlike everyone else around you, I will not pump you full of information you do not need to know about and that's one of the reasons you are hurting so much.

I will tell you lies to 'protect you' but really to protect me so you dont find out how much of a POS I really am
I want to see you a lot but cant because you are being protected from me.
Bloody plan B! I hate it!
I never said your mom is trying to keep me from you but she making it harder because of what you know about me.
theres another but. Mum doesnt have to keep you from me, I am doing a fine job of it myself now you know what I am up to
I'm not a bad person just because I leave a nasty message ONE TIME.
No I am not. I am a bad person cos I wont remove my head from my [censored], man up and do what is right.
You know too much and that makes me very angry at a lot of people.
Your knowing has made you loose repect from me. i can really take it out on you so I am going to blame others for my deeds.
I hate a lot of people right now but you don't have to know who.
Because telling you I hate people is less nasty than actually going into details???
Too many people know my personal business and that's embarrassing to me and the whole family.
I hate exposure!!!
Yes this is all bad but it did get a lot worse when it didn't have to.
I want my red clothed, lap dancing, watermelon presenting, patouli scented, admiring plan A goddess back
Stop talking about it and just let me be your dad on my terms and stop mentioning her name!!! How do you know I'm with her?
I keep saying this but refuse to clarify what I mean. i like keeping everyone confused.
Just let it be and lets just enjoy what we have now ok!
Freeloader relationships with my children are great. Then they dont expect me to be a real dad.
The more crap I hear and each message I get from people that have nothing to do with our business makes me more angry and bitter.
I hate exposure. I hate everyone knowing what a POS I am because I know they are right.
Everyone just needs to shut up!!! And I'm not the only one in the family that agrees with that.
I like secrets. Secrets and half stories will hide what is real and make me sound mysterious
Yes I've done some bad things and said some mean things but I DO NOT TALK TO THE WHOLE WORLD ABOUT MY BUSINESS!!!
because I bloody well know its wrong and makes me a POS
Stop judging me and just let me be your dad.
on my freeloading terms
Don't get caught up in all of the girly gossip.
ignore the 'wimin folk' lets be men together, besides your young enough to believe my reality...right?You want me to apologize to all of the family? NO!!! I don't owe them nothing because I didn't do anything to them!
just to you, your sister and your mum
If you have a problem with grandma M , you need to deal with that yourself. I'm sick of everyone blaming me for their problems that THEY have with her. THEY need to tell her how THEY feel about her and stop telling me about it!!! THEY are all scared to tell her over the phone so THEY have to keep sending emails to her about crap that has nothing to do with me.
Isnt it great how you can blame everything on THEY. THEY are in a conspiracy, they are keeping Roswell under wraps, THEY have put things in the water.
She still loves all of you no matter how much you guys hate her. She refuses to respond to all of the negative crap that everyone sends her. She still even has Christmas presents for you.
She does but she also wants a freeloading relationship and pressies will make you think more of her than you curently do. She doesnt like being plan B'ed either
I have always tried to be the best father to you and I'm still trying but anything I do and have ever done has been judged and measured.
Only now instead of being judged a good father, I am being judged a POS, and I cant juxtapose being a good dad and a POSWH so the fallout spreads to you.
So no matter what I do, good or bad, is just not good enough to some people.
So I should stop bothering being good and just stay bad????
You all falling into that category and I hope you will just forgive me and love me as I love you.
Please forgive me with out me having to actually make amends. I do actually love you, I am just too slimy to be a good dad right now and cant see it for myself.
I miss you guys and I still have many dreams about you.
Prolly true
A lot of things need to change
Me for starters
and its not all about me.
Finally some truth after a letter saying me me me me. Really its about manning up, being the right person regardless of the situation and doing what is right.



Dad

I emailed this song to tst at work a few days after he told me he was leaving the second time.

Remember When by Alan Jackson

It had always been a special song to me. He would always sing it to me when it came on and look me deep in the eyes, like it meant something to him, too.

Now the song fits even more..."came together, fell apart,and broke each other's hearts" never really fit before.

I asked him awhile back if it got to him at all. He said it got in...but then something interrupted him (probably a call from OW), and he closed it all off.


I'd like to send this link to OW with a message that says:

CAN'T TOUCH THAT!



But I think I'll just send it to tst again.

Thanks T2L, now I'm bawling at work.

I was a daddy's girl, he always called me "princess". He died at the age of 51 and it ripped my heart out.

I feel soooo bad for your D17 if this is the kind of relationship they had pre-A. Arghhhhhhh!!!!!

I just wanna smack your WH...

Get in line

His response didn't surprise me, and I doubt it surprised most of the people here.

He's a wayward.

Not a special wayward...

a very typical one.



We just all get so dang P.O.'d when we hear them babble to children!

But really,

he's no different than the rest.

PM, I tried NOT to go listen to that song because I was NOT in the mood to cry.

But your post MADE ME go listen.

So now, I'm having a cryfest with you.

{{{{PM}}}}

{{{T2L}}}}

Yes DD17 and her dad were very close. Closer than her and I are now. I was the one always keeping things together and doing "family work" i.e parenting, discipline, etc and he would just work and then tuck them in, so he was magical and they somewhat resented me. I was always the bearer of bad news....do your homework, clean your room, hey honey can you mow the lawns...etc etc

Really because the kids thought he was magical they would all kinda make fun of me, but my family meant so much that I worked hard and made sure not just fun happened but the important stuff too. Great thing is DD17 told him i used to be close to you but now I am close to my mom and I you will never make me think she is crazy.

Funny forgot this til just now. Right after dday, like 1 month he meets DD17 at the job and then takes her out to lunch and tells her your mom is controlling, she wanted me to mow the lawns and clean the fish tank.... Ok whatever...I mean the fish tank i tried only once and almost dropped it. it is so big and heavy, mind you I am not physically weak. I am somewhat muscular. Then I tried mowing that lawn 1 time and thought i was gonna die, anyways I'm the meanie controlling I want the lawn mowed and fish tank cleaned BS.

Well I guess that's good to know.

Surprisingly I feel okay. Every now and again I get mad but for the most part I feel okay. Neakie pooh is reading it for me and breaking down what I should allow DS10 to hear. I truly want him to hear as much as I can without any harm to him so he can see for himself that dad's not quite right, well think he already does. LOL

Updates....Nuttin, quiet dark PB day. Saturday will be 9 weeks of PB. I surely did not see it going this far since H responded to PA so well. But whatever.

DS10 seems fine, he doesn't even bring up his dad. Usually I ask him ahead of time if he wants to talk if his dad calls, he said no. I also ask how he's doing with his dad, he says fine.

Anyways, I guess H is waiting for a response from DS10 IDK. He did not call his son tonight or show up for visitation schedule but he did however text DD17 to say hi and what are you doing she said she told him hi and getting ready for work and he said okay talk to you later. I sometimes wonder why he tries harder to reach out to DD17 more than he does for DS10. Guess it doesn't matter.

G'night Hugs to all....

That's easy. DD17 talks to him. Even if she chews him out, she doesn't flat out reject him. And this is his SON rejecting him - no one wants to have that thrown in their face, that what they are doing is so despicable that their own child would rather cut him off than have to see him.

Agree totally with cat.
My H talks to D28 because she listens to him and sometimes has sympathy for him while D15 cut him off at the knees and he has been avoiding her. He is waiting for the Atty or counselor to fix it for him. Who is the parent?

T2L, your H does not want to hear the truth. He wants it all sugarcoated and your S10 broke that mold. H does not want to deal with the reality. It is a sad state.

T2L, really appreciate your support last night and as always. {{{hugs}}}}}}}}

We will survive and thrive in the end.

Mornin'! So DS10 and I just woke up. HE is still sleeping in my bed but hope to make progress on that once we get to therapy, anyways he wakes up and rolls over to momma and snuggles with he and then he looks at me and says mom do you think hes gonna marry her? I say honey he's still married to me so he can't right now, but if he divorces me then he can, so I don't know.

So sad little guy opened his eyes 1st thing in the morning and its on his mind. I say did you have a dream about it or something and he says no so I respond your just thinking about that in the morning he says yeah.


I had stupid nightmares all night about H and the n Sea Hag. Had a retarded dream that a friend told me the Sea Hag was drop dead gorgeous and that H was with me and then lied and was back with her....uggg.

Off to make breakfast....

Checking in, Nothing new, no call to DS10. Dark PB day.

Well tonight DD17 went to the movies with her 1st paycheck, and DS10 went to a birthday party sleepover at a friend we know from church.

DS10 doesn't do too many sleepovers anymore. He really has to feel super safe with the family to go because of the anxiety it brought on by the A. He only stays at this families home or his cousins house. Anyways I am happy for both my kids to be doing something tonight away from home.

I am trying to enjoy the quiet, but can't help but think how nice it would have been to spend the evening here with my "real" H. Makes the being alone a little harder.

G'night....

Sweet Dreams.

I remember the 1st time I was alone, I was AFRAID to be in my apt with no one else. Those thoughts are always the hardest because we have the what ifs...

You are doing so good. Your Plan B is stellar these days and your kids are seeing you move on.

Good for you..... sleep well and be good to yourself.

Find one of those movie classics and a glass of wine. sweet dreams (yeah right, sleep is so overrated these days)

It is not likely he will be coming back since he is living with her. Does he want a divorce soon or does he want two families?

Does he support her also now? Is she pregnant yet with his child?

I hope you have a drop dead date on when to go to plan D. He ain't coming home.

Fell asleep too early last night, but internet finally seems to be normal again. Oops, shouldn't have said anything...

You may be right, but I have told myself to make no life decision before 1 year so I will see how I am at the 1 year mark of dday.

He has mentioned that D will cause financial destruction so I don't think he actually wants a D, at least yet.

I do not believe he supports her, but pays a portion of rent and it seems they buy there own groceries. I could be wrong but while in PA these are things I kinda put together.

I do not have a drop dead date on when to go to plan D. I refuse to choose a drop dead date to file as I won't know when I am ready to file until I feel that in my heart. I want to look back with no regrets and I cannot do that until it's in my heart to do. So it matters not to me if I look foolish or not. When its in my heart to do, then that's when I'll do it. God leads the heart and though I feel hurt and even question God right now, he will still continue to lead my heart and when the grace to stand for my marriage is gone, He will remove that desire and I will surely know. Besides one of my mentors here said this and a I have been using it faithfully. I have my whole life to D my H and I have 1 shot to try and save the marriage.

I am sure he would love 2 families but he does not get that as I am in a dark PB. He gets some contact occasionally with his kids, but DS10 is angry with him and won't talk to him right now and DD17 feels its stupid for her to make time for her father who should be living here so she only visits when she wants and he gets no needs met from me so with all that, that's not much of 2 families. Plus during the summer about 3 months in he asked me how much money I needed and I responded IDK however much you have left after you take care of your new family to which he blew up and said they are not my new family I take care of you guys. Then several weeks ago he told DD17 that he gives mom 90% of his income which I actually think he may.

I don't feel the need to rush and since California cannot protect DS10 from the OW, I will stay like this for however long or until he files to keep my son from the Sea Hag.

I do not know if she is pregnant. DD17 and I have asked him many times he said she is fixed.


Besides I have read a few success stories here that seemed hopeless so I still have the tiniest bit of hope, at least for now. I am also trying to take in consideration the facts in SAA that say all affairs die a natural death between 8-18 months and i am not there yet anyways.

I "had" a friend, H turned them against me with his rewritten martial history story, but he did the same thing 10 years ago and I stood with the wife for her marriage. He came home at the last court date to finish the D. He now tells his wife thank you for not giving up on me. I hope to hear that one day. IDK.