Before I found this awesome website last night, I had already confronted WS about his affair and already told him that he had to end it. He admitted to the affair, but of course says that it is irrelavent to our situation with our marriage. He says that he doesn't know if he can cut off contact with her. Anyway, I am starting Plan A today and was wondering if I should tell him AGAIN to cut off contact? He knows how I feel about him continuing to see the other woman and WS and I have been getting along GREAT the past 2 days and have not talked about our relationship at all so I am not sure that bringing up the OW again is a good idea. We are seperated, but talk on the phone frequently and I see him a lot since we share 4 kids and he has the kids half the time. As far as exposure, well that has been done with everyone I can possibly think of on both his end and her end. He is VERY ANGRY about it and says that it pushes him further away.

Anyway, What should I do about confronting him again???

I am giving plan A 3 months as of today. Looking forward to finding myself over the next 3 months.

Thanks!

Hi I noticed that you have made 2 or 3 different threads. You should try and keep all of your postings to one thread since it will be easier to find your history. Just a suggestion

w2r,

Hope you also exposed to OW's family, including her boyfriend or husband if she has one.

Plan A also includes both the carrot and the stick, don't forget both sides. Read the Notable Posts thread to be sure you are doing everything you can to use the strategies to their fullest.

He needs to see you as strong, and loving. Both parts of you will count. You can't be a doormat, but you need to be welcoming. He needs to see your home as the place he wants to be - and the place he stands to lose if he does not stop the affair. The balance is tough to attain, but it is achievable if you read the Plan A information on this website and get advice from the vets here. Also, read through the threads of people in Plan A.

Don't get discouraged by everything he says. He will naturally be angry by exposure. Your marriage can survive his being angry. It can't survive the OW being there with him - so focus on doing the things that are effective in eliminating her.

Those things include:

keeping yourself looking and smelling good all of the time, so that whenever he happens to drop in, you are ready

keeping the house looking and smelling good, so it is a welcome place no matter when he happens to drop by - this might include times when you least expect him

answering the phone to him in an upbeat manner, even when you might not want to

knowing when and how to cut off conversations that are going downhill, so that you do not get trapped into going negative or lovebusting

learning about yourself and building your strength of character, sense of esteem, and those things within yourself that give you personal strength - you will need this for personal growth in general, and for your life, relationship, and future - with or without him

learning about marriage, what likely went wrong, figuring out how you can fix the things you are responsible for doing wrong in your marriage, and learning to accept what you are NOT responsible for

learning about the things you can do for your marriage when he returns, and how to prepare now for that time


There are more things. Read a lot. If you haven't already ordered it, get Surviving an Affair. Also, there's another good book After the Affair, which can help you out. Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue is another good one which might help with personal growth.


Hang in there. There's work to be done. Keep focused, and watch what he DOES, not what he says. As long as he is with OW, he will lie most of the time. You will know when you are talking to WH, and will see glimpses of your real H. Know the difference.

Visit here for support.


SB

Thank you schoolbus. Lots of good information!!!! I LOVE this site It has become "my addiction" I am on here constantly!!