Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 2
B
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
B
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 2
Hello !
I am very new to this site so bare with me. I have been with my BF for 5 yrs. We have lived together for a year and a half. Just before the Holidays I found out he cheated on me with a Hooters waitress! I packed a bag and left for about a week to clear my head. I have since came back and we are trying to gain back the trust but it is so hard and being that we are not married and we have already been together so long I am now doubting if he is the one and wondering if I should just stop spinning my wheels and move on from this relationship. I love him so much! he is my best friend, my rock in so many ways. We have grown so much together and have been through everything! Our relationship has always pretty much been on his time frame, meaning he controlled how fast OR SLOW we moved. It took him three years to even say he loved me ( I loved him so much I waited and loved enough for the both of us) then he was unsure about living together and I waited till he was ready. He finally was ready and four months after moving in he started seeing the Hooters Waitress. A friend told me they saw him with her and I confronted him but he made up some story that she was just a random person sitting next to him at a full bar. I believed him. months later that same friend told me he saw him out again with the same woman at a different bar. No getting out if it then! He broke down and confessed to talking to her every once in a while but said it was texts here and there and they meet for drinks a few times and NO PHYSICAL contact. He broke down and promised he would never hurt me again , he cried ( HE NEVER CRIES) , He said that it was just his male ego and a stupid mistake. I decided to forgive him all the while I knew in my gut he was lying about the no physical contact thing. Well months after that I saw a text message saying " I feel so used love, We had sex and more" I was livid! He said it was from the same Hooters girl and that he did have sex once with her. He cried like a baby and begged me to stay. He said she continued to text him and he was telling her he didn't want to see her anymore and thats why she sent that text. The thing that scares me is how GOOD he was at lying! He looked me in the eyes and lied to my face and did it SO WELL. I know he is sorry and I think he realizes what he has with me now but I fear it is too little too late. Should I just move on or stick it out with someone I can't trust? I am so confussed because I love him so much. I feel like I have put in ALL this time and work into our relationship and NOW he FINALLY realizes what he has but I am the one questioning us now. Its like we are never really 100 % on the same page. I know that if we ever were we would be great but I worry that will never happen now. PLEASE HELP! I don't know what to do!!! frown

Last edited by beargrl26; 01/15/09 03:41 PM.
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
Move on. He is lying to you and manipulating you. Everything you have described is typical of a man who is not in love with you; he only told you cos he knew you were waiting for the words. He loves himself, not you, and he'll say whatever you need to hear to keep you from leaving, because it's so much more fun (!) to have a woman and another on the side!

If you stay, you will have a lifetime of affairs and lies and secrets to deal with. Please don't listen to his crap; he's manipulating you.

Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,717
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,717
Better to find out he is a cheater now rather than after you have been married. Dump him and move on.

Above all, get checked for STD's. Who knows what he's brought into your bed.


ba109
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
Best to move on now, before the knot is tied.

AGG


Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 363
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 363
Looks like you have invested more in this relationship than him.

I'd leave now, no matter how painful. If you stayed, you are telling him that you'd be there for him no matter how he disrespect you.

You said you are living together, are you providing something in the relationship that he finds too convenient to leave? finances? food?


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 114 guests, and 50 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
purple17, cbm800, Dodo M, Kingpin, MikaylaVaux
71,729 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,547
Posts2,322,775
Members71,730
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5