I've been reading the posts here for a while now, and I'm reading the Harley concepts and whatnot.

However, one thing always surprises me...when a BS says, "He/she was always nice to me before, did what he/she should, never spoke a harsh word to me, but since the A he/she has become so mean!"

I never can quite understand how someone can go from semi-angel to a demon, even if it's because of an A.

Can someone enlighten me here? What causes such a 180 in attitude?

Karma,

i believe it happens when they "fall in luv" with the AP. At that point, the addiction begins and the spouse becomes nothing but an interference to the A. They suddenly become unhappy in the M, blah blah blah and begin to hate the spouse because they feel tied to them. Just my 2 cents.

I guess it's just a young person wanting to believe the best in people...

Thanks for the clarification. I just can't see how people can be so stupid as to turn against their spouse after X amount of days with their "soulmate."

That is why it is called 'fog babble'. The WS is completely out of their mind in love/lust for the AP. All sensibility and reasoning goes out the window. They are addicted. We all know what drug addicts are capable of doing to the people they love. This isn't much different.

Mindshare

In my case, my WH was decent until after exposure and he hasn't been decent since. (Not to deter anyone from exposure, I don't regret it all).

During his affair, but before D-Day, he was still loving towards me. We were SFing 5-6 a week, happy-go-lucky, planning a vacation together, etc.

Behind my back, he was starting to drop hints to people that I was going crazy. While he was smoozing with me, he was premeditatedly planting the seed that I was unstable so that he would have an "Out" if he decided to leave me for OW.

He admitted to this after D-Day, flat out admitted he would make up crap to tell people to make me sound crazy. Cold-blooded....

IIRC, he didn't get nasty until after I exposed to OWH's, then he was foaming at the mouth mad, literally.

He stayed mad, and still is, due to being broke, losing OW and having a crappy life in general.

He got mad at me last night since I deposited more than one of his checks at a time. He won't keep a check register and if the ATM says he has money, he does. He's mad since I don't HAVE to run to the bank everytime he decides to pay me, he MUST be paying me too much. He said so, loud and clear.

So, now he's mad that I can manage my budget and he doesn't know how to balance his checkbook.

They get mad about stupid stuff, don't let it bother you.

Some people have the comment that they do it to make the other person look bad as how they have made them.

I suspect that they do this to stop them using logic. To shut them up.

As you can see in my signature line I discovered A on 6-11-08.
My W told me shortly after that that our marriage was over on 7-27-07.

In that time we....

Went to Phoenix for a week to visit my family....we even stayed at my moms.

Halloween 07 we thru our annual adult bash

Xmas 07 was a little rough

My Ws 07 Xmas party was a little bad

We were planning a trip for 08 to Florida.

We remodeled an entire bathroom at home

We went on a few "date nites".

We agreed I could buy a motorcycle late sept 07

We had our annual family and friends New Years party

Pretty much business as usual for that whole time period.

After June 08....

I was pathetic
She was sickened by me sexually
She hated me
She never ment to hurt me
She is physically ill just being around me
I am pathetic
She tried to force herself on me sexually...just to say she could

We did have a couple brief "false recoveries" over the summer of 08...that's why I now understand the "alien" aspect of the WS....and how important my journal is!!

I think the wayward's ideology is best summed up as: selfish. Not thinking about the feelings of other people (besides their OP, perhaps), not thinking about morals (giving them up if they used to have them), not thinking about consequences or past or future investments in a loving, committed M, etc., etc., etc.

So, while the A is going on, the wayward is selfish. I also think the wayward won't look at the situation for what it really is (e.g., "I am hurting my spouse by doing/saying x, y, and z.") because then they have to see what THEY really are - not a pretty picture, especially if the wayward was a "semi-angel" before.

After the A, it may take a while for the fog to clear, and it may also take a while before the wayward can objectively look at what happened, feel real empathy and remorse, and hopefully come back a better person. (I realize not a lot of waywards do this, unfortunately.) So there may be a residual alien for some time.

I'm not one of the experts, just a (former) wayward. By all means, let the experts weigh in more heavily than me - just wanted to give my two cents.

Thank you, you're all making this a lot easier to understand. It's just my curious nature to wonder what makes someone go "I love you" and not so long afterwards say "I never loved you."

I was curious what it was that "tripped,"...what was the defining point that caused a WS to become mean and nasty.

I'm told that an A is like doing drugs, and there was a long word for the chemical that is released during such a thing...what was it?