tst, I would hazard a guess and say that a large fraction of men have seen what is defined as porn at some point in their lives. I would say that most of societies ills are NOT due to porn.
I would also point out that women don't seem to use porn as it seems to be defined and yet their levels of affairs, lying, cheating, etc, is reaching the same levels of men. I am sure the female half of the population is so happy to have reached parity with men in this area.
The "data" that you point out are mostly opinions, selective census' etc. I am not saying it does not have merit. I am saying that ANY addict causes devastation, male or female. And it can be drugs, it can be alcohol, it can be sex with people other than ones spouse.
So if pornograph watching by men is the cause of all ills with men, what do we blame the extensive and ever increasing mess ups of women? Since apparently they don't use porn at near the levels of men?
I will agree alot of this has to do with parenting and proper channeling of curioustiy into healthy and constructive patterns, but that is not done by vilifying the male sex drive or curiosity.
I definitely would not agree about women having "healthy" sexual boundaries, unless you consider little or no sex healthy. Most of the men that come to this site complain of the lack of intimacy with their W's. I know it is the males fault. :RollieEyes: I say nuts to that. I say their boundaries are often as unhealthy as males.
The main point however is how does one address these issues with teenagers? It is not easy, but making it "forbidden" doesn't work for drinking, it is not working for drugs, it is not working for teenage sexual activity. Yet, SOMETHING works because really most teenagers are good kids. Most teenagers actually turn out to be good adults. Most teenagers need structure and guidance while being allowed to explore within their capabilities.
Finally I would suggest that girls growing up reading Romance stories or Bodice Rippers as they are often called receive just as distorted picture of sex, romance, intimacy and life as boys do reading porn. Both, desensitize the reader to the reality of themselves and the people they will meet and marry.
My real suggestion was a discussion with her son about how limited the view of the world is when seen through the lens of porn. If he comes to see this, its attraction and its influence will be greatly diminished.
The reality is a Victoria Secret show can be just as enticing as many things one finds on the web. Clearly showing violence and seeing it for hours a day has not turned the general population into serial killers, although I think there is evidence it does influence those susciptable to resorting to violence in the first place.
I am NOT arguing for porn, but I am arguing some of the studies I have seen suggest a lack of thought so deep it is astounding.
There was a study that claimed that porn caused killers to be killers. Why? Because it was found that most killers had looked at porn. Ok, but given that most boys and young men had looked at porn and were not killers or even bad citizens suggests that there is not a causal link other than porn is available to be seen by anyone, even killers.
The question was asked "what is normal?" It is the title of this thread. More importantly she is asking for suggestions on how to address this issue with her son. She received my suggestions to do with as she pleases.
1. Limit access to the internet.
2. Don't vilify him or his natural urges or curiousity.
3. Point out the extremely limited picture of himself and of women as portrayed by porn. He needs to know he is capable of more in any relation with women, and they are capable of more as well.
What I forgot to say, is that this needs to be an ongoing discussion appropriate for his emotional development, not necessarily his physical development.
Those are my thoughts and suggestion, no more or less.