No NO NO!

You are/were not obnoxious! He needs this as do I. I fully expect to be called on my BS as well.

This was not directed at you but to all those who believe we should not be here together and also an explanation to those who do. Good grief! Your help has been immense and much appreciated by both of us. He really is trying but he does slip back into his thing. I already called him out this morning and he is going to post about it when he gets back since he does not think I am right. If I am not then I will learn to not react to it. I think it is a big LB so we will see. Do NOT back off, you are helping us. Please.

""I think it is a big LB..."

No discussion necessary, then.

She, OW, just called. My WH keeps saying that she is a survivor and has moved on. Good grief, she survived on him! I knew we would hear from her. He did not pick up, we both stood there looking like deer in the headlights at each other. It turned out to be a crappy day with some more honesty that hurt hurt hurt! Bad day for a call, not that there are good days. She did not leave a message. My guess is she is not quite drunk enough. Most of her messages are hard to understand because she is always so loaded. If we don't hear from her tonight I will be surprised but she will call even if it is later. Tomorrow morning first thing I will check the phone records to be certain he did not call her back...he is on his way to a meeting...GPS is on the car and I have a new phone tracker that pin points his whereabouts all the time. His idea, so I think I am safe. If he sees her again he is gone and he knows it.

Her number had been blocked before as was her friends number. Then she started using a pay phone. We unblocked so we could prove harassment.

Just this morning WH asked if he had to write a NC letter since we had told her before, several times, to leave us alone and we were working on repairing our marriage. I said yes, it needed to be formal and on regular mail service. He will, he did not want to though. He will be hard pressed not to apologize to her because he does not want to seem like a "bad, mean guy". Made me laugh. Sure he doesn't, except to me. Well now he HAS to by even his own standards. He will post it, I will have input before it goes out.

Since you are buying Radio Shack stock like crazy, get an inline recorder so next time you can pick up and have her ranting conversations recorded for harrassment purposes.

Ha ha, I can think of a few things that I should have bought stock in since this began for me last October. Tissues for one, Excedrine, Radio Shack, ******* no comment I was going to be sarcastic again.

We have a few messages that she has left that go on and on over several message cycles. They are so scary in that she is wasted and hard to understand but they start so sweet and nice then they get abusive about me then about him then she gives us advice on how to love each other and how sorry she is that we were so awful to each other, shame on us....it goes on and on and is simply nuts and drunk and infuriating. She also wants me to know how to take care of him. They make my head explode.

I went to the Verizon site to document her call but for some reason calls from her do not show up on my husbands records anymore! They used to to the tune of up to 25 calls per day but now they do not show up. They show on his phone but are simply not on the record that Verizon charges from??? Something smells here so I have a little work to do. I am so tired of this.

6 years and all the revelations I have had from him and I just feel like throwing in the towel. All those women before that were certainly EA's, he says not PA's and he knows I will polygraph check that, followed by this. Is this really worth it? I guess I will find out and get some start after our first phone counseling Thursday morning with Dr. Harley.

SSS,

I am tst's wife. I just wanted to tell you that I am keeping up with your story.

I know that you are whirling with all these revelations. You are doing great, even though it doesn't feel that way. If GM doesn't hold back information about the affair and any other deceitful or hurtful behavior, this horrible time of purging will put you in a place to begin to recover.

Keep the bar high. Accept nothing less than a completely remorseful husband who is willing to do whatever YOU NEED to heal your heart.

So far, I see a willingness from your WS that isn't typical of a WS when they first show up here. Even though he decorates his babble in pretty words, he HAS taken some initial recovery steps and expresses a willingness to do some very heavy lifting in recovery.

If he sticks around and follows through with the MB program/counseling/weekend and the poly and post-nup, recovery can happen.

But, of course, that is only if you decide you really want to recover.

Thank you.

I have been thrown right back to D Day several times now and I am getting really tired of that pit in your stomach feeling you get when you find out. I am beginning to feel like he just pushed me out of an airplane and I am simply falling and falling forever. Oh yes, this is a pity me day for sure, not very attractive.

I know it will cycle up and down but I still find myself hoping that it is all a bad dream. My goodness, I am 55 years old and that is still what I am looking for. I sure could have gone my whole life without having to deal with this. It really sucks.

And I speak to the choir!

Still, you all let me vent and I sit here and cry as I type because I never in a million years thought he would do something like this to me. 6 years of it. Never. How can anyone look at your S, even if you have decided you do not love them and apparently he decided that a looong time ago and forgot to tell me, look them in the eye and say all the reassuring things and walk right out the door to another, secret life where you do have love with someone else. To do that daily for 6 years. I could not even imagine doing that once. Every day for 6 years. How can someone ever get over this and trust or feel safe with that person? Can this program really help with this? I suppose the 6 years really does not mean much, it probably hurts just as badly if it was once. I really do not know if I can do this.

Hi SSS,

Realize that many people here feel your pain and have gone through as bad or worse. Some are even raising other children from an affair.

My own WW involved my kids -- they knew not to tell me when OM was around -- she had sex in my house.....plenty to make me vomit as well...if you read my thread you can see I'm still writhing through the pain and turmoil...I'm no expert.

You may decide it isn't worth it, enough is enough. Or you may decide the years together and kids, and everything else make it worth a try.

I will say this and this may surpise you. On the FACE of it, you have as repentant a WS as I have ever seen here. I wish my WW had expressed as much remorse right after d-day.

Of course, that is what made me suspicious of GM (gallows laugh)

Anyway, be strong, demand EVERY step that is being recommended here and remember -- you can ALWAYS walk away. That's easy. It is the hanging in there and seeing what love may be possible that shows some character (I think...I hope..)

Amen!

Take it one day at a time, sss. Take time out for yourself. Read some good fiction or watch a good movie. Take walks, get your nails done. Be good to yourself.

Thank you Mike, I needed that. Of course no one has ever been hurt as badly as I have...the nature of my little pity party weekend. Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone, I know that but sometimes I just need to be smacked up side the head with the real world. There are many millions who would be thrilled with only my problems. I do feel better now.

I did read about what happened to you but that was before I "knew" you so I need to go re read it. My kids were thankfully gone but my house, old and new, and everything I do that I love was used for their purposes. I can only imagine how you feel knowing your kids were used like that. I send thoughtful, strong and good vibes your way.

I should have listened to you when you told me I might not want to ask about the sex. Boy oh boy should I have listened to you. I guess when they start with this honesty thing it all just comes flying out faster than you can say, PLEASE STOP!

Thank you. I hope he really is repentant. I just can't trust myself to judge that anymore and I certainly do not trust him yet, if I ever will.

What is it about this kind of experience that makes one spill their guts and private stories like this? Whatever it is I am glad it is there. I would probably have blown an artery by now if not for this place and the people here.

(I think...I hope..) Oh yes, that is the mantra. Steady and strong. One foot in front of the other. Thank you so very much.

Well....that is a debated topic here and your mileage may vary.

I had to know about the sexual details. Not knowing was worse than my imagination.

Of course, I'm pretty perverted :-)

Thank you Faithful Follower.

Every day I take my 2 little goats out to walk around out of their pen and pretend I am Julie Andrews singing Lonely Goatherd. I go out in the pastures because I am most assuredly not Julie Andrews but the goats do not care. This has been the one really quiet time that has done me the most good.

You are kind and made me smile tonight when smiles are a bit difficult. (((hugs)))

Let me put it this way, I also had to know a bit because my mind goes all kinds of places, especially since this woman was a working gal. Ya never know.

It probably could have been less painful but you know how wordy WH is.... :RollieEyes:

SSS

Can you change your home phone number, his cell, your cell...every number that she could possibly call?

And while you are in the process of doing this, switch cell phones with him. That way you will know if he's been getting calls on a regular basis.

wordy and dramatic...

Hey, she is an actual ho and you aren't. That is a mental crutch none of us have. Your WH can't look at her as being on some pedestal, as my WW does with her Wonderful OM....

BTW, while we are on the topic on honesty, NO WAY IN THE FREAKING WORLD, that your WH was wh0ring in 1984 and never again until this OW. Put this on your polygraph list. I'll wager a testicle.

Unfortunately I will not sugarcoat this for you.

He is a liar. He is a manipulator.

If he behaves himself without fail for the next six years - then you can BEGIN to relax.

What you will eventually need to do is this:

define your bottom line - your "last straw" -

What is your limit to his abuse?

Once you decide what/where that "last straw" is - do not move it !

Keep a promise to yourself - "If he ever does (your last straw) then I will know it is time to end this torture."

You don't need to know what your last straw is right now - give yourself 3-6 months to think it over.

Warning : You have not reached your anger/resentment peak - it's coming -

Please - take very good care of yourself
pamper yourself
develop friendships and hobbies
travel
read

make your world broader than your husband - he is a liar and a manipulator and you cannot pretend he is not

Don't worry about your testicle, you are safe. Tonight I asked about if they had had a child together. Answer no but there was a scare. Did that make him use a condom? No because she said she could not get pregnant. He did not know why, in 6 years she did not tell him why she could not get pregnant. That pretty much made me angry since I know and probably anyone else knows that she would have stayed pregnant until he had to tell me then she would have "lost" it after I had kicked him out.

So, I was angry. I KNEW there was more. Hell there is always more with this guy. Well turns out you are exactly right Mike. There were Escorts for years and years, like all the time we were married. At least 20 times he can remember.

OK, the man would not even talk to me almost all the time we were together so he was pissed that I finally shut him down. If I don't even know a person, even if he is my husband, I am not going to be sleeping with him. He was cruel and mean and isolated me. We went to therapy and he would not listen. So HE had to have an outlet. I kept plugging away at trying to make things better by myself and missing all those wonderful intimate things. Now I find out he was going out all the time with escorts?

I just threw his [censored] out. I am angrier than I have ever been in my life. I don't know where he is going. I really do not care. All he could say is he was hoping for a new future with me after our appointments with Dr. Harley and the MB weekend. My God. My God.

Sugar coating never helps. I appreciate your honesty. I had fears that this was never going to work for me and now after what I learned tonight...

I tried so hard all these years and this is how it is?

It's not your fault. Your WH has lived a double life for a long time. He may be a sex addict. Remember what Pep said. He is a liar and a manipulator. His comments about the MB week-end etc. are proof of that.

Take care of yourself. Keep posting. There's lots of support here.