I have an elephant in my room, in my life, in my mind. I want to get rid of it but not sure how?

Emotional affair, husbands, 7 years ago. Still like it was yesterday because it wasnt really ever discussed. All I got was she was a friend, a counsellor, someone he could talk to (50 times a day) when he was going through a rough time.

Note-was going to divorce me and move where she lived.

I want to talk about this; the hurt, pain, doubts, fear, trust issues but I fear him blowing up about it. He wants the past to be left in the past but yet somehow its still lives on.

I want to talk about this rationally. I would write a letter but tried that and he only reads about two lines and puts it away.

Am I crazy (probably) to want to air this out, pack it up, remove it from my life?

Tell me how you think would be the best approach?

The three main items; mistrust/trust issues, lying (did he think/does he think I am that stupid, that he called her "one more time" to apologize to her?

We have many issues but only want to address one at a time, this is a biggy for me.

Thanks

HEAD ON. You can see how far cowering in fear has got you. When you decide to start taking charge of your life instead of pandering to fears is when things will change. This is how ADULTS handle their problems. They don't sweep them under the rug and pretend them away, they handle them head on.

Maybe you should rethink your strategy of allowing FEAR to drive your life? What a high price you have paid for doing so!

I am waiting for a counseling appointment, left a message, hope to hear something early this week. Our communication is a mess.

Just want to take one thing at time. Trying to get it together so I don't come across super emotional which would lead to a bigger mess.

You're just going to have to bite the bullet and do the "We need to talk" thing.

Tell him you're unhappy.
Tell him why.
Tell him you want a REAL marriage, and you're willing to work for one, and that you need his help.
Outline the conditions that must be met if you are going to stay in the marriage.
See if he's on board.

ss, I agree it is a mess, but that is because you CHOOSE to not communicate, but rather to allow FEAR to keep you silent. The lack of communication is by your own CHOICE.

Got close a couple of times and got the old "the past is in the past and lets leave it there" speech.
My fear now is that he will think I am crazy and dwelling on the past.
You are right, I have lived in fear and with this anxiety far to long. I know it will be a relief just getting it out.