Saw this on another site -

"The more godly the wife, the more staggering the gulf between her moments of intimacy with her husband and her behavior in any other context. What she would gladly do when alone with her beloved would horrify her in the presence of any other person. Such an immense discrepancy can be unsettling. A wife can almost feel as if two different people dwell inside her. What it really means, however, is that she is a princess of God, captivated by the holiness of marriage. She is a devoted wife who delights in the divine blessing that rests on marriage. She honors the wonder, the uniqueness, and the exclusiveness of the marriage bond."

I've just been thinking about WW's here who said they had the best sex ever with their adultery partner. It might have been a ONS or a 10 year LTA, doesn't really matter.

My WW claims that she had the best sex of her life w/ the OM. It's like a dagger to the heart. I can't imagine her memory will ever fade, and it sucks that from now on in my life I'll always be viewed as second best in that way for her.

IP705 - I doubt that it was the best sex she ever had. The problem with fantasies is that it may seem that way. But the truth is, just like Mel says, it is just like two pigs rutting, or like two alley cats in heat.

My WW is very spiritual. She says the sex was twinged with guilt. Also, and this may be an overshare, that her having had three kids, the other guy wasn't, say, fulfilling her need, and it was frustrating (he is a little guy).

They basically stopped sex three months before D-day....so....I don't think it was a huge driver like it was in other As...

She also says that the further she gets from it, the less it seems like it was exciting, it seems like it was shameful...

So as she gets further away, it will mean less and less to her. I'm literally staking my whole life on that assumption, because I don't want to be with someone if I'm always going to be 2nd best from now on...

My WH also told her (not me THANK GOODNESS....) in emails that it was the best sex he ever had. Like he was really "making love" with her.....

BUT.......

on New Years Eve, we had a GREAT NIGHT....

followed by him saying it was the BEST ORGASM he has EVER HAD in his life......

Now not to toot my own horn BUT I wanted to present this as saying it is all relative.......

You CAN out-perform the OM/OW....

YOu can be better....

and when you have real soul-searching, deep down to your toes, full out, making love sex.......you and SHE will know it.....

and hopefully you all's WW will know HOW important it is for YOU to hear.....(I didn't think it would be that important to me, but when he said, UNPROVOKED, well, it nearly made me cry......)

not2fun

Maybe I'm just a stereotypical male, but it is important to me to be "the best" to her sexually. She is my only sexual partner ever, so I have nothing to compare her to... she could be horrible in bed for all I know.

I think it depends on how spiritual the wife is.

I was a virgin when I married. That was very important to me. I took a pledge in my (Catholic) church when I was 15.

However, not to deceive anyone, I DID have a ONS about 2 years after my WH cheated. It was with an old friend of 20 years. I went to a benefit for 2 kids that had lost their parents. It was at the yacht club. My girlfriend and I went and ran into this old friend.

It felt so good when he paid attention to me (and a couple of drinks added to the feeling) that I just lost myself. Needless to say, we are no longer friends. And I don't think I thought of Melody's "rutting like pigs" analogy at the time, but that was about it.

The next day, I was disgusted with myself. And 2 years later, I still feel bad that I abandoned my morals.

I'd like to offer a different perspective. Women attach emotion to SF - it's not just about the physical act. This has come up in other posts. It's all in the mind of a women and god knows we change our minds a lot (laugh). Seriously I think the wife is saying it's the best because of how she felt emotionally at the time with the OM. You as the husband can outdo the OM by paying attention to meeting your wife's emotional needs and making sure your making deposits to the love bank.

G

G-girl -

I agree that women get attached emotionally and sex follows.

Many times, the husband isn't that attractive. I mean, there are bills, sickness, money problems, problems with kids, family, and all the day to day stuff that is marriage.

All of a sudden an OM comes along, without any day to day reality. So he looks good. But it is just all fantasy.

Ggirl had the eureka moment here.

'Sex' and 'lovemaking' are two different things.

You can pay a skilled professional with a perfect body for sex and maybe it will be the best sex you ever had. Like...maybe the best massage you ever had, as an analogy. Physical, nothing more.

Lovemaking is emotional, and therefore by its nature subject to revision over history. We were all madly in love with our first high school girlfriend, right? But now you haven't thought of her in weeks or months.

You will have the advanatage of life bonds to give her the best emotional lovemaking ever, once you get your MB ducks in a row. Then those OP episodes will fade, particularly, as my wife says, as they become twinged with guilt...

"You can pay a skilled professional with a perfect body for sex and maybe it will be the best sex you ever had. Like...maybe the best massage you ever had, as an analogy. Physical, nothing more."

That may be true for men, but for most women, married love is the best.

Agreed. Although I'll go beyond "married" love and just leave it at love. And probably those hormones in the brain that are stimulated during an A. Skill in the sack, while nice, does not overcome the emotional aspects for a woman. And you will never "win over" a woman by sexual prowess alone. Ever. Watch a few chick flick romances - they'll show you what women want. Great sex for a woman begins hours, even days before the actual act. Yes, we can enjoy sex - a lot. But not by itself. It's the emotional connection that differentiates great, rewarding, satisfying sex from just another chore to do around the house.

Tabby,
I would add - if you read any romance novel, it's all about the anticipation - not the actual lovemaking skill. Another observation I've made is some men, by their comments in other post, may not know their wives very well. How can a man give a woman romance when he doesn't know how the woman defines romance? And then they wonder why they are disappointed with the outcome. Some men need to pay attention to little things to gain better insight into a woman - like why does she like a particular movie so much, what is her favorite thing in the world and why? I laugh when a man says "I don't know what to get my wife for the holiday?" I wonder how well is the man paying attention to what excites his wife. This is about feeding the woman's soul and she will give you the best of her. And this probably holds true vice versa. Just one woman's point of view...

G

Believer - forgive me if I am mistaken but were you not having sex with your gentlemen caller(s) recently? Do you not view this as abandoning your morals?

IP705 - your wife will be physically ill and remorseful she ever said this one day. You can easily outperform OM.

No, BigK, no SF, and now no more gentleman caller. We are going to take some time to think about things. Anyway, he has been in Washington DC since October.