Hi, I have been divorced for 4 years, 2 of which I had been attempting to reconcile with the ex. After a year of reconciling I knew we were not getting anywhere. This year I got involved in a serious relationship and was beaming - life could not be better. We thought since we were so serious that going to see the movie Fireproof would be a great idea! After the movie I went througha rash of emotions ranging from pity, fear, sadness, guilt - you name it. I was overwhelmed. I did not know how to talk about it - I just knew I needed time alone and I was so confused - not about the ex husband - just from all the emotions. The boyfriend kept trying to help, I kept trying to push him away cause I did not know what was going on. I deflected everything on him and the relationship - not realizing it was all internal. Once he gave me space - I went through a painful catharsis. I am now cleansed of all of those pinned up emotions that I had and now it all makes sense. BUT - I lost him along the way? Has anyone else experienced this? If so - how do you communicate it so the other understands. He is coming back from overseas in a month where we can sit and talk. But he is fogged by his hurt and I do not know how to express what happened to me. BUT for the first time I am finally at Peace with myself and on the right path!

I would simply explain to him, when he gets back, what happened... using the same words you used with us. Has he been through a divorce? If so, he should understand the emotions involved. If he hasn't, he likely has never thought of it - but your explanation would help him understand.

In my opinion, the idea that a husband and wife become "one flesh" is not a metaphor... it is the actual truth. Divorce is so painful because it is an actual emotional amputation. I can well understand that seeing the movie would have been like re-living the experience for you, and the fact that the couple in Fireproof were able to reconcile could have created a lot of emotional confusion for you as long-buried feelings came out and needed to be dealt with.

I had an experience (self-inflicted) back in college that dealt a death-blow, at age 21, to my career ambitions and put the kibosh on nearly all of my college friendships. It took over 12 years before I could say I had finally dealt with all the emotional repercussions of that event. I can easily see that an unwanted divorce, which would put the kibosh on your life ambitions, would have a similar effect.

You explain yourself here pretty well... so I'm sure that you can explain it to your boyfriend the same way. I'd recommend also reaching out to him and acknowledging his hurt, too. Don't try to sweep it under the rug, but instead own your role in causing his own hurt and confusion, and apologize for it. Explain what happened, acknowledge his hurt, and apologize... and don't say "I'm sorry, but..." - don't qualify your apology. Just be straightforward about it, and you should be okay.

Best of luck to you!