Just wanted a quick opinion from folks on here. This was a big part of our SF before the A. In a lot of ways it contributed to the A I think. If a M is good and you are meeting each others EN are sexual fantasies even necessary? Part of me feels like you shouldn't even need them - your spouse should be enough. But then I think you are going to be with this person for the next 50 years - is it realistic to say that you or your spouse are never going to have a stray thought for the rest of your lives? I can say that since the A I have been focusing more on my S and SF has been very good so I don't think I'm missing it as much as I thought I would.

Okay, I'll bite. I think sexual fantasies are good for a marriage.

In fact, it might amaze, but the sexual wildness of a female and multi-dimensional novel approach to sex turns a husband on, and they receive and return more pleasure, making every episode of sex an unforgettable experience.

There can be dressing up, role playing, laughing sex, dancing, sex in different places - you get the idea.

HOWEVER (you knew that was coming, right?), sexual fantasies involving anyone outside of the marriage can lead to problems. We've seen numerous couples here where the "fantasies" led to an affair. And it seems to happen with lightening speed.

pleeeeeeeease go on LOL

I'll bite, too.

My husband's issues with fantasy nearly broke our marriage apart. He was using fantasy to self medicate. And progression/escalation of his fantasizing are affairs.

Now that he's sober and we've been doing a good job at repairing our marriage, connecting during SF is enough for us, now, as we've spent 10 years of the past 12 years DTD and never connecting emotionally during it. He's also mentioned that he now can't imagine fantasizing about anyone else.

I know my husband has SF things he'd like more often. I don't trust him enough to be completely vulernable when we are intimate. I think though, as long as he stays sober, it will happen in time. Then, I'll bring on the kink

Honestly, I have never had sexual fantasies about anyone other than the person I was sexually active with, so for the past 25yrs. it has been my H. I know pretty boring.

Since he fullfilled me emotionally and sexually, maybe I had no reason to fantasize outside the M, or it could have been my strict Catholic upbringing that 'good girls don't think of things like that'. Not sure.

I didnt know that was possible but then i am learning so much about women lately !

Fantasy as long as it is a fantasy and stays in the bedroom, should be fine. My wife on the other hand admitted she almost never fantantised but she was the one who strayed in real life....

DTD? I'm very slow.

I agree about the escalation aspect. An A seems like the next 'logical' step to make the fantasy come true. But what about when fantasies are just fantasies? Is that possible? Or not worth the chance?

And what do you mean about trusting your H more? Does it mean you have fantasies you have but just are afraid to tell him because he will judge you or maybe like it too much?

Are some fantasies best left unsaid? Kind of goes against the open and honesty principle but maybe this is an exception?

I don't think its boring at all. I kind of admire it. Sometimes I felt like my fantasies were a crutch for our SF. On the other hand it is pretty cool to share such intimate thoughts with another person and sometimes the SF can be really good. But it backfired on me big time so looking back I wouldn't say it was worth it.

"pleeeeeeeease go on LOL"

Well, here are a few for women -


"The poll of over 2,000 women, aged from 28 to 46, in an online “your fantasies” forum revealed that women long to give a male virgin lessons in love, just like in the 1967 film starring Anne Bancroft and Dustin Hoffman.

Women in the poll reported thinking that pulling on stockings and suspenders to act out the role of Mrs. Robinson would be almost as thrilling as the sex itself.

However, the women also made it clear that they were far more likely to acto out their fantasies with their regular partner than actually try to seduce a younger man.

The second most popular dream of women was found to be to keep a man as a sex slave.

“It goes to prove that there is one sexual organ lots of people neglect and that’s the brain. It can certainly be a woman’s passport back to sexual nirvana,” the Daily Star quoted the online forum as saying.

The study also found the neck to be the number one “soft spot” most women would love to have kissed.




1. Mrs Robinson and the toyboy

2. Having a man as a sex slave

3. Being carried off by a hunky man

4. Pretending to be a high-class call girl

5. Sex on a tropical beach

6. Joining the mile-high club

7. Sex in a public place"

That's all really quite interesting. Thanks

Women fantasize more than what I think. It's not a topic of conversation I think I've ever had with other women, even 10-15 yrs. ago. Believe me I'm not a prude, my vocabulary and crudeness at times can be shocking.
When myself and GF's have talked about sex, it is short lived with humorous light remarks.

Agree with the neck kissing....that is extremely sensual
A tropical beach is most romantic
Man as a sex slave....that's too much work
High mile club.....I have visions of chrome protruding into places it really shouldn't go...so no to that one too

Totally agree about the brain being ignored.

I think women are just as capable of fantasizing. My WW was pretty good at it - maybe too good. Red Flag right there. One thing I always wondered though - and this is graphic so don't read if easily offended - for the women who say they don't fantasize about anything - is what do they think about then when flying solo (M)? I guess the 'correct' answer would be only there S. Maybe I'm just the deviant. Which is probably the case as my MC has indicated.

Vittoria - Most people have fantasies. That is completely normal. Most don't talk about them except with their spouse.

I was raised Catholic too, and that put a damper on my sexuality for quite a number of years.

The problem with fantasies is when a couple (man or woman) is fantasizing about a third person. Glad that I never had that one. But there are many men and women that do that. It starts as a fantasy between the marital partners, and for some reason can go quickly to an affair.

We even had a doctor here whose fantasies included another man with his wife. All of a sudden, it was reality.

Sexual fantasy is fine. If a particular fantasy becomes an obsession, then one should take a step back and try to figure out what is wrong. Obsession is damaging to ones self and if you continue to indulge in such, it may become damaging to your partner as well. That's my theory.

I would agree with you there. Problem is how to determine when the fantasy is becoming an obsession. Easy in hindsight but not much so in the present.

Well, if your sexual fantasy is your wife with another man, that is a problem. That is what causes affairs, because the spouse may think they have permission for an affair.

Better to stay with fun fantasies that don't involve another person.

Well, I'm looking back in hindsite in my own world and yes, it's hard to admit to ones self that there is an obsession problem... After the wake up call in my marriage, some of the obsessions I had previously are no longer important to me... If only there was a kinder gentler wake up call? Anyway, as for me, I'm trying to be more vigilant.

Me too. Although it dampened that aspect of my M, I believe it helped to keep my own boundaries of M intact. Unlike my WH :twobyfour:

Yes, I have very good morals and boundaries mostly. I owe a lot to the Catholic church.

I hear you there.

I fantasize an awful lot, about all sorts of different situations and scenarios and I share as much as possible with my husband. I don't believe he fantasizes much but he loves to hear mine.

I don't ever fantasize about another actual person though, just myself and my husband, although we can play at being different personalities and different in the way we act.

I don't think fantasizing about another person is ok at all.