She does not want to give up and I do not want either. I might have made a mistake but my WW is responding and she is acting. (She changed her cell phone and typed a NC letter)


I do not understand, can you explain further?

My ww typed a NC Letter. I'm not 100% satisfied with it but I'm very close to getting there. I suggested some changes and I really hope she makes them.

imagine: I sent you a PM

Hi Kingrat,

Sorry, I'm in and out our local hospital. Unresolved gallstones.

You see that the beauty of your keeping her old number is that you can read his messages when he calls.

Mel said that PM aren't working at this time.

There are a few variations of NC letters which basically says that she is fully dedicated to becoming a committed partner. He must never contact her again. Never ever phone, ever.

I believe that comments for NC is in the first four post of the "Just found Out" section.

If you want many people viewing your posts, go straight to "Contact us" and ask for you letter to become transferred to "General sections (11)". I'm not hundred percent sure that I'll be here all the time. You know why.

Hey Guys

Sounds like I'm on a similar path at the mo -but me being the WW.

I truly belief that stop contact dead is the only way forward. And I am going to make sure that I do it - have had to give up one of my dearest loves to do it and it is v hard. We have had a couple of ddays when I have confessed, but have always kidded myself and BH that we were just friends. This time it is for real - we can never be friends

The plan A bit really played dividends for my marriage my BH was a superstar and I have tremendous respect for him. Well done for sticking to it.

I am determined to do this and it is v hard. this is week 2 without my poss 5x/day contact with OM. The cold turkey stage.

I am putting all my attention into this site while bh is away (back tomorrow) to keep me on the straight and narrow and to keep giving me ideas to maintain recovery.

Has your WW been on here? My BH hasn't yet but I will get him to look at this thread when he returns

Good Luck

Wow! I would love to know more. I'm really struggling with the trust issue now. It's so hard.

The problem I have is that she avoids the issue altogether. And I believe she might be hidding details to protect me from being hurt.

Kingrat

Don't tell WW to come have a look at MB.

Away goes all the secrets.

Hi Kingrat
If you don't think WW has really admiited to herself what is going on, then maybe MB isn't the thing yet. But I would say if there is a glimmer of hope then she should at least read the Q and A on infidelity.

Honesty???? being open???? It helps if you're both singing from the same hymn sheet and understand the process you have been through/are going through.

If she has given him up you will notice the difference - she will be sad and she will ache for him. This may make her feel totally isolated and make her want him more. I am v lucky that I am able to tell BH how I am feeling ( I don't go on about). Tell him when my thoughts for OM are triggered - this makes me feel a lot closer to BH and more loyal and reassures him that I can be open and talk to him.

Frommy own experience when I though BH suspected I was hiding I was, when I didn't talk it was because I knew I would give something away. You will know when it has stopped - she will focus on you more, will want to do a lot more with you and b with you.

Good Luck

Where exactly is the Infidelity Q&A ? Can't find it.

She acknowledged flirting. She resents that I use the word AFFAIR.

Tell her that anything one spouse does with another person that that spouse is unwilling to tell the other spouse about is tantamount to an affair.

Hi KR
Click the "Q&A column" tab at the top of the page, when you're on the Q and A page the Infidelity section is listed on the left hand side ( at the bottom of the top box_ How to survive infidelity). Or in the most popular links box at the bottom right of most pages. Not clever enough to post the link.

I can relate to the "flirting" thing, think I was in denial. I think once you understand the process of how an A starts, you begin to recognise what you are doing

Kingrat, these things ARE important. Read these things in the red sections and articles.

The words are important to those that you speak to.

I had read most of them. I thought there was a special atricle called Infidelity Q&A. It's the section what she was referring to.

I thought for a moment that there was a Q&A could show my WW to clearly explain to her that what she did was an AFFAIR.

She refuses to call it an AFFAIR and she get mad at me for calling it that. So she refuses to discuss it. Hence her refusal to engage on the NC Letter.

PD: During MC yesterday she agreed to sign and send the NC Letter.

Go to "Anatomy of Adultery: 15 steps to unfaithfulness" on the internet.

Please be aware that trying to educate a WW is always bad news in the equation.

You guys have to get it together on a MB weekend. Kingrat, you need to learn how to meet her EN's. Both of you need to establish the POJA thing that we talked about previously.

Then EP's (Emotional Precautions) must be a regular project. Both you and your wife have many things that requires learning.

Then keep at it. Help others.