Your boundaries haven't been breached ... if you're not willing to defend them, they're not boundaries ... so if you have no boundaries, then she has never breached them.

You are not a defender of boundaries ... You are an enabler of affairs.

Your WW has no respect for you that is obvious ... You have ZERO chance of recovering any type of M with this woman ... she has already seen you for who you are and it repulses her. It appears that she now gets some type of twisted pleasure out of emasculating and humiliating you.

Exactly WHAT are you trying to save ... you have neither a W nor a M any longer ... they both crossed the point of no return a long time ago.

This reply also applies to iam.

No, kids still do not know about A. I know I'll keep getting 2x4ed about it. I feel the only way I can bring it up is before either mentioning the D word or going into Plan B. Which brings me to..

W will not leave, nor will she be thrown out. She knows her 'rights' that I can't do it legally. Which leaves me thinking 'why should I move out and let WW get what she wants'? ie me not here and she can carry on her cake-eating. Back to financial implications again.

If your M has been reduced to nothing more than a financial arrangement then just leave OMGF alone. Exposing to her is not your problem. If WW will not end her A, refuses to move, you refuse to move, then nothing is going to change. You either need to plan D or suck it up without complaint.

Exposure helps to END affairs. I don't get why you're not doing EVERYTHING in your power, INCLUDING, using FaceBook to blow this thing up. You WW is comfortable in her world. You need to rock it. If OM has a GF, then something is wrong with this picture. A psychic told her he would never cheat... but he has a girlfriend? Huh?

Implications more than an arrangement. I have no problem in going for custody of Ds either. More that, if I move out and rent elsewhere, do I still pay mortgage on this place (my home). I can't afford to do that, especially at the moment, work is very quiet and I'm self-employed.

I do know this whole thing is wearing me down, and it's looking more like Plan D every day.

Of course the psychic meant that 'Once he is with my W, he will never cheat on her (my W)'. I know, it's laughable.

At the moment, I feel like rocking her world and still continue to Plan D. Does that make sense? 6 months ago I would have done anything to get her back, and yet I know through my ineptness (if that's a word), I only have myself to blame for where we are now.

Hey Phil,

I've been wondering how you are doing.

It can't be hard at all to find out where the OMGF works. Have a friend follow her in the AM, or maybe the realtor will babble or do some googling if you know her name, or look in the phone book, or reverse directory, otr.....email me at ----and I'll help. (please don't anyone put that email in a reply, I'm going to delete it when Phil sends me a note.)

Then send a letter there to her attention.

I wouldn't worry about Facebook. The problem with Facebook is you have to be "accepted" as a friend. Some people accept anyone, some are very picky. If you are accepted as a friend most people have their email on their profile page.

Anyway, just find out where she works, it can't be that hard.

If leaving your home means leaving the children with WW I would not do that. However, something has to give and it's not you Phil. If work is slow, would WW have to pay you alimony? That might piss her off lol. Have you consulted an attorney at all?

Financial implications are not worth your emotional and mental health. I would file for D. Maybe it will wake WW up, maybe it won't but letting her walk all over you is only going to hurt you.

Any chance you could have a realtor set up a showing of OM's house for you and leave some "evidence" behind for OMGF to find?

You can send messages to people who are not friends, without a friend request. All he has to do is send a message with enough detail to show that he is genuine and not a prankster (since he is otherwise a complete stranger to this woman). She might ignore it for all he knows, or she could take it seriously. Or she could write back asking for more specific info. It's so simple to do, it should be done already.

Wow. That's good. Sneaky. Evil. I like it.

I just can't believe it would be that hard to find out where she works.

All ANY of this would have taken would have been for Phil to have done SOMETHING/ANYTHING over the past 15 months, but he HASN'T and apparently from his replies ... he WON'T!!!

A true LOST CAUSE!!!

Oh, good grief!

Phil, tomorrow morning, wake up and leave the house at 5am. Drive to OM's house. Park 3 or 4 houses down on the street, so you can see their driveway. When OMGF leaves the house, follow her to her work. Write down the name of the company. Go to your office and find the phone number for the company. Call and ask for her and ask if you can meet her for lunch, that you need to talk about the affair he and your wife are having. Meet her for lunch and expose.

How freakin' hard is that?!

What excuse will you give this time?

Making contact isn't the problem. Inaction is.

Phil, even if you made contact with OMGF what would you do to follow it up with? If nothing, then there's no point. WW might get pissy for a bit that you contacted OMGF and then things go back to the same old same old.

Phil,

This is the first time I chime in with you, but seriously, how many times do you need to be kicked in the nuts to realize it doesn't feel good and you should do something to stop it?

Your WW and ANY WW will continue to cake eat unless something is done to upset the balance.

How much evidence do you have that there is an affair?

Do you have emails, video, etc?

Are you willing to hire a PI?

Do you live in a fault state?

15 months of this he77 has to be wearing on you terribly, but more importantly, and THIS should be your number one motivator for doing something at this point, it's taking a major, major toll on your two teenage daughters. They are at the most fragile part of their development.

You are the model for the type of man they will likely end up with.

So what model do you wish to be? A man with backbone who will not tolerate infidelity or a man who lets a woman walk all over him while she openly carries on an affair?

Your daughters are able to consent regarding visitation, BTW. You can all collectively tell your WW, "see ya" and move out together and the girls can stay with you while you file for custody.

Seriously, most of the WWes don't wake up until there's a lawyer on them and they're facing a custody fight they're about to lose.

While you're at it, look into if you can slap an alienation of affection lawsuit on the OM.

And find a way to contact OM's GF.

Phil,

ROCK HER WORLD. I repeat, ROCK HER WORLD.

Period.

Pom, I believe Phil lives in England, so the legal advice is spotty (as they would say).

Also, the OM in this case is supposedly a violent type, and a large guy, so some of this confrontation advice could turn out poorly for Phil.

Naturally, I agree with everyone that enough is enough.

FWIW, his case is similar to mine, right down the the OM's being janitors...

Mike is right, I live in England, so legals are different, but yes, I will be seeing a lawyer again v soon.

Getting up at 5am is a no-no! I've just got in from work and it's now 2.30am here. I don't work in an office, I drive a London Taxi.

From further intel, it looks like WW has made her mind up, and it's Plan D. Obviously, she hasn't told me this! Not sure of her timescale to this but if there's one thing I can do, I guess it's to do it to my timescale and not hers. It would be so easy to confront her in the morning and just let rip about her seeing OM etc.

You can file on the grounds of adultery, I think. You may want to consider doing that before your WW files on other grounds.

Excuse me? You are willing to lose your wife just because you don't want to lose a few hours sleep? Is that what you are really saying?!

Well, I knew you would give an excuse, but that tops them all!

So do it.

Or what excuse will you have this time?

Again, you guys mean well, but all of your advise requires an ACTION and Phil has made it very clear that he intends to do NOTHING ... NOTHING AT ALL ... to help himself or his D's.

He has been effectively EMASCULATED and has GIVEN UP ... and has admitted as much.

At this point, he is using these forums only as a place to whine and wring his hands.