Thanks for noticing my quirky sense of humor.

Met with attorney today. Even he was amazed with my story of WH and this past year. He was especially interested in the topless photo of OW I brought. WH can be seen in the mirror reflection taking the picture. What a class act!

Got advice for responding to D petition. Attorney offered a few options of outright representing me if we go the traditional route or advising me on a "per hourly" basis if we go the mediation route. Mediation would mean that I trust WH (yeah -- right) to be transparent and honest (again -- yeah ---right) regarding the finances.

What really concerns attorney is WH's spending on OW. Stupid, stupid WH used our joint credit cards for gifts, trips, groceries, OW's business, etc. Even attorney agreed that WH is "spending like a drunk sailor." Attorney asked if drugs are involved.

Amazing that a conservative, church-going father of 3 could change so much by affair. It really is just like WH is on drugs. He's addicted to OW and has lost his wife, kids, reputation, money, etc. He lies and cheats for his vice. He has mood swings, has cussed out his own mother, lost many long-time friends, and feels the world is against him.

Maybe it's starting to be the vacation from he!l.

Ok -- cheer me up, guys.

It's DD15's birthday. She told me that WH texted her last night that he will drop off her gift at her grandparent's house.

This was in response to DD's text that she didn't want him to waste any money on her gift. All she wanted was her family back.

God -- I love her so much. She is the only one in contact with WH and she won't give up trying to save him.

OK -- I broke Plan B today.

Was at in-laws when WH arrived with gift for DD. He saw my car and phoned for one of them to come out and get it instead of coming in the house. Instead, I walked out to see him.

He's bound and determined to push through the D. I started with "thanks for serving me." And I keep it light and smiled and looked good. He, on the other hand, ranted about everyone being against him, closure from me and the kids, why can't everyone just get over it, the damage is too far done to repair, etc.

And I just leaned in the window of his truck and smiled. Just kept smiling. Yep -- I need to get to the divorce response. Yep -- we need to go over finances. Yep -- and he kept ranting.
Then I said it -- I still love you. I miss you. If you want to stop this madness, you know what to do. He says he's moving forward.

After he left, he called me to say that if I needed to talk with him again, to not call his usual cell number but instead call his other phone or his work phone. WHAT??? Seems it will cause "problems" if I call his cell number. In other words, no matter the time or day, OW is monitoring his cell phone to see whether or not we talk. I guess she wants N/C between him and me.

I knew she was jealous, but I didn't know the extent. I'll have to conveniently forget this in case I have to call him again.

OK -- EVERYONE -- go back to dark Plan B, Holyheart. Preserve what little love you have left. Yep, the divorce is starting and yep, it may take a year or so to complete. Yep, OW should be far gone by then or you'll be single again. Yep...yep...yep.

And don't forget to send some miscellaneous texts on his cellphone now and then!

Oops! Did I forget to use that other phone number? Silly me!

Cat;
I did just that tonite, but the content probably isn't what WH wanted to hear. Mentioned how 15 years ago I suffered bring DD into the world and how today WH isn't willing to swallow his pride for a few minutes to visit DD on her birthday.

Now back to Plan B and getting through the D process.

But...hee, hee...I've already mentioned to a few woman friends to make sure they phone WH and leave him a message or two.

I know...I know...I'm suppose to not think of WH, stay in the locker room, wait for the coach to call me in.

But D has begun and the game clock is ticking. If I ever expect to speed up the demise of the A, I have to act once in a while. And knowing how jealous OW is, I need to use that to my advantage.

If you're planning on doing all of that then you might as well scrub Plan B and go back to Plan A for a while. All you are doing is giving him his little "fix" and prolonging the affair. IMHO. If you are in B you need to be:

Black as midnight, black as pitch, blacker than the foulest witch! (I know some here will know where that came from, LOL!)

Charlotte

You're right. No more seeing him or taking his calls or text messages. I've been doing well for 30 days, but today I just couldn't resist the urge to walk out and see him. Maybe because it was DD's birthday. Or I just needed to look in his eyes to see if the alien was still living inside.

And the alien has yet to pop out of his belly. He's still wayward, and there's no use trying to talk with a wayward. It's just argue, justify, defend, I'm a victim, everyone hates me, nobody's business, need closure, "move on," blah, blah, blah. Same script, different day!

Just finished typing up my response to D petition (with advice from attorney, of course).

Yesterday, WH must have mentioned 3 times that I need to get the paperwork filled out. Such a hurry...

So I looked at the calendar and saw the appropriate date to sign and submit: February 13 -- yep, Friday the 13th -- and the day before Valentine's Day. Especially befitting since last year on Valentine's Day was the one and only time I confronted OW and it ended up turning into a Jerry Springer incident.

A year ago...wow...time flies when your having fun!

What happened when you confronted her?

WH had moved out the first of February, but we were basically back together since he had called it off with OW and we had just spent a weekend together in Vegas. I asked if we could do something that night, and he said "Valentine's Day is overrated," he was tired, and he just wanted to kick back at his apartment.

Well, my sis and BIL spotted WH's truck at OW's house and they called me. I jumped in my car and sped over like a demon. They met me there, and I proceeded to march up to the door and pound hard. When OW answered, I pushed my way in and said "Where the F is my husband?"

WH came in from another room, grabbed me, and tried to push me out the door. I held onto his shirt. Meanwhile, sis and BIL pushed their way in to help me. BIL threw WH against the wall and told him not to manhandle me. OW calls police. When she gets off the phone, she takes a punch at me as I'm being pulled out the door by sis. BIL spills every word in the book calling her a homewrecker, bar slut, wh0re, etc.

WH follows me out yelling that he's Ding me the next day, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, sis, BIL, and I get back in the car and drive off.

Then...10 seconds later...I notice my glasses are missing. We stop the car, and I jog back to OW's house. WH is still out front. I tell him that my glasses must have fallen when OW punched me. He goes back inside, finds them, hands them to me, I say "thanks" and I leave.

My adrenaline was pumping sooooo much. I felt like Wonder Woman on the drive back home. Very empowering, if I must say so.

When I got home, the kids overheard us talking. DS texts WH calling him a loser. WH texts back that his kids need to show him respect (yeah...right). Kids are proud of mom for confronting OW and doing something proactive.

WH calls, says that he and OW are now "back together" and that if I had just let him explain, he would have told me that he had just dropped by to say "hi" since he felt bad about their recent breakup. (OK -- OW was all dolled up. Looked like they were going out to dinner and planning a Valentine's Day romp.) He says he's staying there that night, he has a massive headache, and they have bonded over this "emotional" experience.

OW said she was afraid to stay there by herself since I might come back and wondered what would have happened if her kids had been home that night. (See -- her 3 kids were ALREADY spending the night elsewhere. So they really were planning a romp.)

Oh -- OW also couldn't understand why these 3 strangers were barging in her house and confronting WH. (Huh? -- I guess "Where the f is my husband?" did not ring a bell with her.)

Needless to say, WH has CONTINUED to say that sis and BIL were and still are an issue because they got involved in our business. For this, he said he could never be friends with them again. (WH forgets that this is all HIS doing and that we were all just reacted to what he was doing -- LYING yet again!!. Poor WH -- everyone's against him!)

OK -- folks -- in the long run -- this incident never really mattered. WH went back and forth between me and her multiple times after that and today, he's back living with her and her kids and he's divorcing me and our kids. (I know that sounds bad that he's divorcing the kids -- but, come on --- It's been 32 days and he still hasn't even visited his kids.

Do I regret that night? Hell, no. I wish there had been more confrontations like that. I mean, I wish I had been more forceful about it earlier on in the affair. Instead, it dragged on and on and I think they bonded more and more the more time they spent together. And I know WH and I have drifter further and further away since d-day.

OK -- Plan D moving along.

But why all the ANGER from WH towards the world? Shouldn't he be HAPPY because he got what he wanted?

He's angry about bills (fails to see that most of the money is going to HIS out of control spending), me (I'm "poisoning" everyone against him), the kids (can't understand their lack of respect towards him), his parents (that they are supportive of me and willing to end contact with him for his actions), friends ("it's not their business"), job (lots of work to do), etc. He says he stopped IC because he can no longer afford it and will not get back on his high blood pressure meds.

So he's basically PBing everyone from his past. N/C with me, the kids, his family, old friends, etc. And to escape, he and OW are going out of town every weekend into fantasy land, living like a rock star and racking up the credit cards.

My worry -- WH will have a heart attack, mental breakdown or kill himself.

What will make him finally wake up to reality? I know it's not for me to worry about this, but I'm curious what has to happen besides OW not meeting his needs.

Usually it's pain.
Some people are low bottom - meaning they must lose everything before they wake up. (Believer's husband)
Some never wake up - (who wants them anyways?)

I was told by a counselor that it's often the money that wakes them up. So far, WH has gotten away with his extravagant lifestyle with no financial consequences. He's basically robbed Peter to pay Paul and thinks that I don't know this, but I do. And Paul is running out of available funds, so this should stop soon.

As for pain -- yep...WH looked like a kid caught in a lie. All the waywardness splewing out of his mouth seemed a lie. That everyone needs to move on. That we all just need to get over it. That the kids are better off without him in their lives.

Maybe the guilt is getting to him because I'm not there to fill him in on things and give him his family fix. And OW is controlling his every move.

I'm back to dark, dark, Plan B.

Babble back next time

"everyone needs to move on" .... "Yes, far far far away."

"We all need to get over it." .... "I'm taking antibiotics and scrubbing with disinfectant in an effort to get over it."

"The kids are better off." .... "Everyone knows a broken home makes kids feel safer and more loved."

they really are dumb, ya know? Here is proof of how dumb:

Thanks for the babble lesson. I SOOOO need to work on this. I tend to talk too much and too loudly and end up repeating myself when talking with WH. Then he accuses me of either preaching or being a broken record. I need to slow it down....... I need to change ME!

WH emailed me that we can meet tomorrow to discuss finances. But I think its best to stay in dark Plan B for now. He is SOOOOOOOO wayward and SOOOOOOOOO angry that nothing will be accomplished. He will just try to bully me with made up numbers. "Made up" because I'm collecting all the back up numbers and his don't jive one bit. So what would be the point in showing him my pair of A's before the flop?

I'm back in dark B and need to stay there to preserve my sanity. Future correspondences will go through IM.

WH called unexpectedly tonight asking when we could meet to discuss finances. I said I changed my mind.

Then he went on about me meeting with an attorney (saw my cancelled check), credit cards (noticed I'm reviewing transactions on line), kids (still can't understand why DD is trying to save him), taxes, job, etc.

I know I should have cut him off, but I didn't. I kept it business-like and neutral. Every time he mentioned something, I repeated that he's getting just what he wanted.

He complained about people finding out about him filing for D. I said I wasn't lying if people asked. And again -- you're getting what you wanted. Whole conversation was brief.

Funny, WH sounded a lot like H. But I was proud of me for being non-emotional and strong. Now back to dark Plan B.

HH,

It's not a dark Plan B if you keep picking up the phone and talking to him?!?! If your LB is almost on empty then you are taking a huge risk by continuing to have dialogue with a WH. If you still want to save your marriage then be very mindful of this. Otherwise, you will wake up one day and realize you have nothing left in the tank and that you are done. It happened that quickly for me...don't let it happen to you. That's assuming that you want to save the marriage. If not, then why even bother with Plan B? Just go to Plan D.

Mindshare

I am in Plan D, but not by choice. WH has filed and it is moving along. And today I am full of anger. Anger at WH and the mess he's caused.

WH has an adversion to attorneys and does not want me to use one. But I think the real reason is that he doesn't want anyone digging into his financial stuff -- especially since WH got us in deep debt financing his A. His call focused on the fact that I took a chunk of money off a credit line to hold in reserve and he wanted to know what I intended to do with it.

And I agree with you that my LB is pretty much on empty at this point. The reality of the situation is that WH is D-ing me to be with OW. He's left our family to live with her and her 3 kids. He's taken the final step to nail down the coffin.

And I agree that there is no point of talking with him again. I need to go back into Plan B or I will explode with anger everytime I see or talk with him. I hate him!

WH stopped by for me to sign tax return and give me copy of bills. He's moving full steam ahead with the D.

Blames me for the kids ignoring him. Wants ME to put in a good word for him. Relays information from today's Dr. Phil re: kids and divorce. I ask if he watched. No, OW filled him in. Unfreak'in believable!!!

I ask again if he's 100% sure of this and he says "yes."

Ask again why I can't call on his cell and if OW is monitoring his calls. Says he shares all his text messages with her. Again...unfreak'in believable.

I think I'm officially in Plan FU. Why stay in Plan B at this point? To work on me and my LB?

WH is D-ing me. He's ignoring the kids. He's bullying me. He's had 5 false recoveries and always ends up back with OW. They've been together for a year and a half. And now he's sharing our kids' texts with her? I give up!

You've missed the point. All these open activities are doing exactly what you don't want.

Hide any cash that you can. Remain in Plan B.