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I get an e-newsletter from a site called Simple Truths.This was included in the January 13th newsletter.
I thought this one was important to those trying to come up with a plan.
An excerpt from The Power of Discipline
by Brian Tracy
Your ability to discipline yourself to set clear goals, and then to work toward them everyday, will do more to guarantee your success than any other single factor.
You've heard it said that, "You can't hit a target you can't see."
"If you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there."
Wayne Gretsky said, "You miss every shot you don't take."
It seems that only 3% of adults have written goals and plans, and they earn more than the other 97% put together.
Why is this? The simplest answer is that, if you have a clear goal and a plan to achieve it, your focus is fixed on a set course of action. Instead of becoming sidetracked by distractions and diversions, your time is focused on a straight line from start to finish. This is why people with goals accomplish so much more than people without them.
The tragedy is that everyone thinks they already have goals. But what they really have are hopes and wishes.
A wish has been defined as a "goal with no energy behind it." Hope is not a strategy.
Goals that are not written down and developed into plans are like bullets without powder in the cartridge. People with unwritten goals go through life shooting blanks. Because they think they already have goals, they never engage in the hard, disciplined effort of goal setting, the master skill of success.
USA Today reported on a study a couple of years ago. First, researchers selected people who made New Year's resolutions. Then they divided these people into two categories: those who made New Year's resolutions and wrote them down, and those who made New Year's resolutions, but neglected to write them down.
Twelve months later, they followed up on the respondents in this study. What they found was astonishing! Of the people who made New Year's resolutions but neglected to write them down, only 4% actually followed through on their resolutions.
However, among the group that took a few minutes to record their New Year's resolutions, 44% followed through on them. This difference of more than 1100% proves the simple act of crystallizing resolutions or goals on paper increases likelihood of success.
In my experience of working with several million people over the past twenty-five years, the disciplined act of setting goals, making plans for their accomplishments, and then working on them daily, increases the likelihood of achieving your goals by ten times, or 1000%.
This does not mean that goal setting guarantees success, only that it increases the probabilities of success by ten times. These are very good odds to have working in your favor. I especially like this quote: A wish has been defined as a "goal with no energy behind it." Hope is not a strategy.I'm not sure if there was ever a thread on MB discussing discipline .... anyone recall one?
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Pep, I came on here thinking you were talking about Obama! 
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Pep, I came on here thinking you were talking about Obama! Who says I'm not? . I'm not
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Good one Pep. That should be tattoed on every new BS that comes to MB.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Sound like a good title for a future book.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Pep, I came on here thinking you were talking about Obama! LOL Hey the man has a dream...a pipe dream but a dream. :RollieEyes:
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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This really struck a chord with me! There seems to be so little to be done in Plan B, that it can be easy to get caught up in the waiting and whining. So I thought, what is my actual goal here and what am I really doing about it?
So how's this:
Goal: To recover marriage and myself
Steps:
1. Continue to improve self through self-education and counseling.
2. Stick to established healthy boundaries that I have set with WH (Plan B).
3. Continue to reiterate that my goal is as stated above and not divorce.
4. Continue work on not LBing from a distance (like overspending, etc) that negatively impact process.
5. Continue to enjoy time with kids and friends and family and to live each day with thankfulness.
Is there something I could add to keep me focused?
BF439
Me:BS40
WXH:42
DD15; DS13; DD6
D-day:6/30/08 & 10/25/08
WH moved out 9/15/08
D: 1/15/10
"So take that look out of here, it doesn't fit you, because it's happened, doesn't mean you've been discarded." -- Big Country from "In a Big Country."
"Keep calm and carry on." -- Winston Churchill
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So how's this:
Goal: To recover marriage and myself
Steps:
1. Continue to improve self through self-education and counseling.
2. Stick to established healthy boundaries that I have set with WH (Plan B).
3. Continue to reiterate that my goal is as stated above and not divorce.
4. Continue work on not LBing from a distance (like overspending, etc) that negatively impact process.
5. Continue to enjoy time with kids and friends and family and to live each day with thankfulness.
Is there something I could add to keep me focused?
BF439 Looks like a great start to me ! 
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I'm a major goal setter. I set short, mid and long term goals. I revise and improve strategies constantly. I put a lot of effort into it. In fact, one of the hardest things about d-day and the following weeks was the derailment of many of my goals and having to exist for the first time in my life with no goals at all. It was quite frightening. Anyway, I degress.
It is important that goals be specific. That way, you can measure your progress and revise your strategies when necessary. You actually reap rewards along the way when you know exactly how much closer you are to your goal.
For example, if your goal is to be rich, how are you doing when you've saved $500,000? It's a lot of money but you can't retire on it. Is it rich? Don't know. If your goal is to have a million dollars, then you KNOW you are half way there. Even better is if your goal has a time line - eg. I want to have a million dollars by the time I'm 40. If you are 32 and have $500,000, you are in great shape. If you are 39, well, perhaps you better revise either your strategy or your goal.
So back to bf439, it's fabulous that you have goals, but they lack specifics. What is your recovered marriage? When is your deadline? What does your recovered self look like? Is it you achieving your doctorate in something? Is it you learning to downhill ski? Is it you checking off at least 10 things on a list of 50 of things you want to do before you die?
When you know what these things are, then your steps become more clear. Right now, you have a whole lot of "continue to's". What are you self-educating and counselling for? How are you measuring your progress? A step should be something that you can complete and check off. So that if you have 10 steps, you know that when you check off step 4, there are only 6 to go.
As a BS, I realize recovering from infidelity is not straightforward. But anything that you can do to define a step can make you feel wonderful when you achieve it. Even if those steps are simply (1) get out of bed; (2) brush teeth etc. Recognize your own achievements - even the itty-bitty ones like this. It builds confidence and helps you to tackle the tougher ones.
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So back to bf439, it's fabulous that you have goals, but they lack specifics. What is your recovered marriage? When is your deadline? What does your recovered self look like? Is it you achieving your doctorate in something? Is it you learning to downhill ski? Is it you checking off at least 10 things on a list of 50 of things you want to do before you die?
When you know what these things are, then your steps become more clear. Right now, you have a whole lot of "continue to's". What are you self-educating and counselling for? How are you measuring your progress? A step should be something that you can complete and check off. So that if you have 10 steps, you know that when you check off step 4, there are only 6 to go. Excellent points! When I say "continuing" I know what I am already doing towards those steps, but perhaps it would be helpful to write down some of those specifics, as well. I'm going to rewrite these steps and think about what am I actually doing toward them and how do I know I've been successful, as well as think about timelines, too...
Me:BS40
WXH:42
DD15; DS13; DD6
D-day:6/30/08 & 10/25/08
WH moved out 9/15/08
D: 1/15/10
"So take that look out of here, it doesn't fit you, because it's happened, doesn't mean you've been discarded." -- Big Country from "In a Big Country."
"Keep calm and carry on." -- Winston Churchill
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Excellent points!
When I say "continuing" I know what I am already doing towards those steps, but perhaps it would be helpful to write down some of those specifics, as well. This is exactly the point of the article Pep quoted. Goals written down are achieved. I'm going to rewrite these steps and think about what am I actually doing toward them and how do I know I've been successful, as well as think about timelines, too... Excellent. I think timelines are important because they keep you on track. Even MB plans have timelines. And don't worry how small or lame each step might be. It's still a step. They are what is meant by the term baby steps. And a baby step forward is better than not moving at all or sliding backwards.
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Pep, I came on here thinking you were talking about Obama! LOL Hey the man has a dream...a pipe dream but a dream. :RollieEyes: He has intelligence, too. Don't forget that part. Just cleaning up the mess of the last 8 years within a generation is probably a friggin' fantasy at this point. Sorry, place and time, I know.
Divorced
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Sorry, place and time, I know. Since you're sorry and all - why don't you delete your post? I'd appreciate it. Thanks.
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I agree that "Hope" by itself is not a strategy for ending the affair or recovering your marriage. You need a plan. But just having a plan isn't good enough either. You must follow through and execute your plan. I think that's where a lot of betrayed spouses foul up. At least I think so in my case. with that being said... Here's some advice I got about Hope once. Do you think there is there any hope for her or our marriage? Yes. But not soon and not without more pain and suffering. WW has not surrendered herself to God. She remains willfully 'entitled' in her mind to continue this course. Hope and expectations are not one in the same -
You can hope - but try really hard to avoid expectations that you control the outcome of what her choices will be.
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Whoever told you that, sure was a smartie pants.
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Ummm... Let me think...  Who could it possibly be??? I dunno... But it was good advice.  It's ok to hope.... but don't get it confused with expectations.
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Someone once told me this as well... I cannot find one thread explaining Mortarman's story.
His wife's affair was horrible. Their kids suffered. Wife moved out but MM kept the kids with him. The affair lasted YEARS ... And divorce was to be final in a few days ... and guess what?
They reconciled, and they had another child !
Against all odds
Mortarman developed a PLAN & stuck to it..
Mortarman spoke to Steve Harley & together they made changes to the PLAN as the situation developed.
It was like a freaking WAR room his plan !
(Mortarman is military ... can you tell?)
A_MAZ_ING
Mortarman deepened his faith and that is where he went for the strength to carry on when all seemed lost. The person who told me that was definately a smartie pants!
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Do you think there is there any hope for her or our marriage? Yes. But not soon and not without more pain and suffering. The most true words I have ever read on MB.
Chrysalis
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