Thank you Jayne241.

I am ready now, I think, to figure out the future. It is going to suck no matter how it goes but at least I will feel like we are moving forward. No wonder it never got better no matter what I did. He did not need to work on our marriage.

Today should be interesting.

((((SSS))))

SSS,

You don't necessarily need someone to BE there....are you close to your boys? Get them on the phone? Can you get support from them without it going into GM bashing?


I'm in month five and yesterday I was ready to file for divorce, hug her forever, throw her out. Instead we had a somewhat conflictual (word?) debate about finances, made up, made love, and have our first counseling session this PM.

Point being, it is a true rollercoaster. People told me that at D-day, and I didn't believe it. Looking back it is the truest words ever spoken. I was in 4 hour cycles of "kiss or kill" as I was calling it.

Take all the measures spoken about here, but don't make any "decisions" for at least 6 months.

PS: GM had mentioned last week being concerned about the polygraph due to his "emotional state"...expect to hear that again now, iIguess...

PPS: don't sleep with the houseguest lol.....sorry... :-)

HA HA!

I am waiting for my call back so I just had to come in just to say,

my house guest is gay and very married to his husband. No worries there although he said he would be glad to hire someone for me (in jest of course).

Call back from GM? Hospital?



send pic. I'm thinking of changing teams.

We are both very close to our sons. I can talk to them without GM bashing so I will.

WH said the same thing to me and the statement, "That is all I can remember, if there is more I must be blocking it out." I did not buy either one of those things. Funny, I wonder how he would explain the forgetting all those hookers? It was the knowledge that I was going to really do the polygraph that caused him to puke out all the last of it (I hope it is, I think it is). I prepped him with OC questions and got an answer about a scare he and the OW had. He had no choice, he saw my anger and sadness and my determination to drag every last scrap out of him.

My call back was from Dr. Harley. It was wonderful. I have some direction now, a goal to work toward with full knowledge that that awful rollercoaster will still be there. It was exactly what I needed at this point and I can get through another day now with at least a better idea of where I am headed. Don't know if we will make that but we can try.

Is your appointment you mentioned with Dr. Harley?

I did talk to GM briefly. He is OK, not happy but knows he needs to be there and is hopeful. All of this is said through tears. He can't seem to stop the tears. I guess I just have to figure out if that is master manipulation or real. Considering the environment he has put himself in I think they might be real but will wait to see how the rest of this goes.

I have only one photo of my friend but I don't think it would be appreciated if I posted it. He is standing in my kitchen with an apron on giving me the finger. How could he ever do such a thing? I think I might have said something. Anyway, I caught him with my camera and for a while put it as my screen saver just to tool him around. That was fun.

Well, if it were me I think I'd let him get off the canvas and out of the psych ward, take a pause, and prepare the next series of effective truth getting.

Nobody has mentioned it, but a forensic accountant for that trust fund and his other spending would be good.

I'm guessing that this episode, and the resultant drugs he will undoubtedly be on, might cause him to claim renewed memory loss and be reluctant to take the polygraph due to emotional instability.

I'm not even saying that may not be valid, I'm just predicting it.

PS: I think, compassion-wise, it is hard for BS to realize the shame and sgony some waywards go through when they honestly confess. My poor WW's ashamed, pained face is frozen in my memory.....no matter how angry I am with her, it still brings tears to my eyes how humiliated she was to admit her behavior.

Steve is great.


Well, we counseled with Steve in 2000, then with Jennifer in August, 2008.

We both got a lot out of it, but it was a struggle for my W, for a number of reasons that are irrelevant to recommending him to anyone else. And I do highly recommend him. In a nutshell, I think I came on too hard and was the "leader" in "educating" her about MB, and she wasn't interested in me dominating the process, quite the opposite, in fact. I think that is one of the reasons the Harleys really try to get both parties on the phone early, so they both feel they own the process.

She wants face to face counseling, so we are trying that tonight with a woman who is highly recommended.


Well, I'm counseling some mercy here. I'd hate for him to do anything rash. For a little while here maybe try to consider it like he had a brain concussion. After he cools down you can go back to the process here. For a proud man, this is really a bottoming.


That was just a joke, nevermind :-)

I know it was a joke! I was trying to write something funny because darn it, this site and these situations are so hard that sometimes a chuckle is needed just to get through. It was not funny though, you had to be there. It was a failed funny because it is almost impossible to tell if someone is serious or not.

Good luck tonight. I understand about the teaching, GM always does that and it makes me pull away when he does. I hope your appointment gives you some relief.

Oh yes, I will be treating him nicely and giving him a good, hopeful feeling. I could not let my worst enemy suffer like that. He has to do it but he does not need to be tortured while he does.

sadsosad, you are a remarkable woman. Oh and your stab at humor made me grin. Humor is a great release in these situations. Mostly I am following along here because Mike earns my respect with each post to you. Kudos for counseling with SH. Whether your M makes it or not, YOU will have personal growth from the sessions.

What happened to worrying about your family and friends questioning your masculinity?

What about it? Bunch of butch breeders...

Wow, didn't read your thread for a couple of days, and what a lot of news!

I suggest you take this time to rest up and walk and sing with the goats. This has been extremely stressful for you.

Glad hubby is in a safe place, but don't expect any miracles. He will need to work on long term recovery.

sss,

I have followed a little bit of your story. So sorry about the hospitalization, but this may be exactly what your H needs to face himself. And as Pepperband pointed out, facing himself is probably the hardest thing he can imagine.

My H is a "hotshot Dr." too. He put me through 2 years of false recoveries and I let it go on far too long. I am happy to say he has made remarkable changes. But I still frequently remind myself that there is no more room for false recoveries; that if the cheating/lying behavior returns I will need to leave. I don't "trust" yet..... he proved himself to not be worthy of trust. But I do choose to love, and to receive the love and good behavior he offers in return. I don't trust...I verify.

Their careers are not marriage-friendly in any way. The hours are too long, they are praised for neglecting their families, there are too many women out their ready to feed their egos, and no one except their spouses to face reality with. How much fun can we be under those circumstances?

I wish you well in all of this.

??

Is that a gay thing?

LOL, Mike......

Yes, here in California, there are gays all over the rolling hills, walking and singing with goats.

SSS
I like many others have been following your thread. I can only imagine how heartbreaking all of this is, and still I know I can't come close.

I know the bizarre and sometimes twisted sense of humour you must have, this coming from another ICU nurse...you just can't work that area without relief. Your experiences there will help to serve you now. Take care of yourself.

Yours in good humour, Vittoria.

Praying for you and GM again today.

(((((((((SSS))))))))))




Mike_C2, I'm glad you stayed on both their threads. Even though you are a PITA, you've shown a compassionate side that has greatly helped sss and even GM.