I am hoping someone can help me with this dilemma. I have been married to my husband for 7 years now, living with him for 4 years before that. I thought that I did all the right things since this was my second marriage and I had my young son to consider. I always knew that my husband smoked marijuana, but he promised to stop, which of course he has not done. But he also revealed to me the following things over time:
1. He prefers marijuana and pornography to me
2. He married me so that he could raise a child (he had none).
3. He never loved me enough to marry me in the first place. He did so inorder to not lose his family after I told him I would not continue to live with him unmarried.

I have reached the point after many threats and 1 affair(mine), I have told him that after my son is in college, I would leave as he has no intention of stopping the weed or porn and now beer despite my many requests via tears, threats,etc. This is in four years. I know that marriage is forever, but how do I stay, knowing what I know about how he feels. I can honestly say that I do not love him as a spouse, more as a friend. I have nothing else to offer. Please help!!!

I really can understand you wanting to wait until your son goes to college. I too sometimes think I'm here for just the kids, but why would you stay after that?

Sounds like neither of you are really in love, and since this is your second marriage you know marriage isn't always forever.

Did he feel this way prior to your A or do you think that's what started all your problems? My H too used pot and alcohol and I believe that's part of the reason he had the A in the first place.

My A was the result of the information he told me. It was a wrong choice for me, but one i made anyway. The person was my first love. I have no regrets, as I learned alot about myself, and it made me realize that no matter what else happened, I am deserving of being loved. cherished and appreciated amd respected by whomever I give my mind body and soul to. They also have to be willing to have all three. I am a wonderful package deal, and will not be taken for granted by anyone else. At this time, I ma married to someone who just told me that he likes having a family, but not a wife. So, we will raise our son, and then I am out. I will not settle for less than I deserve. I will use the time to heal and grow for myself, and become the example to my son that I should be. Any thoughts???

Why would you raise your son with a possible addict who is not in recovery?

I have a son, and a husband who is in recovery for sex addiction (porn). For me, there is NO way I would take the risk of having the cycle repeated because my son was somehow exposed to porn by my husband.

Perhaps, if your husband was off the weed and the porn and learned how to emotionally connect to someone, he'd enjoy having a wife.

What are you doing to heal yourself? Have you considered any 12-step meetings?