I'm sure a key aspect to making it affective is that the BS has been working a great Plan B those first several weeks, just as T2L has done.

Had a great bday, can you believe that? I can't even believe I said it either LOL. Took a nap today, which is rare for me and then went for my hour and a half massage at 4:30, and when I got home DD17 baked some sugar cookies. I feel really relaxed and for the moment okay. IDK but since talking to H I feel less sad oddly enough almost like ok i can safely say I don't want to talk to you while you are a WH. Your cuckoo and talking is kinda a waste of time and energy. I don't mean it in a snotty way or a I've given up way, at least yet, but it just seems kinda funny even the thought of talking with him. I mean I wouldn't talk to a brick wall so why talk to him LOLOLOL.

I hope this feeling I have doesn't leave. I feel okay and calm for the moment. It scares me now when I feel calm and okay, its like sooooo much crap has happened and its like I feel like I need to keep looking back for the next thing to hit or bad thing to come. It sometimes hard to enjoy feeling okay in the present moment when your thinking ok what's next.

H texted DD17 at 9PM, no contact to son. It bothers me that he doesn't even try occasionally. I know that DS10 is dead against it at this point but still, he's the adult, he should at least try.

Dark PB as usual.


{{{Hugs}}}

G'night y'all

T2L, you made it. Congrats on surviving this day and doing well.

Going to bed.
Ok Vets not to steal this sitch but I just posted a draft Plan b letter on my sitch. Take a look. T2L, you will recognize some of the verbiage! thanks guys.

And so begins some of the benefits, the peace of mind, of PB! It took awhile but I'm glad it's finally arrived!

It sounds like breaking PB in order to find out what you were missing (not much!) was actually a good thing for you. Yay!!!

I'm glad you had a great birthday. You deserved it. *hugs*

It's cool.
I think it was Mimi who was instructed by Steve Harley to open the Plan B door a crack to the WS every now and then - and then return to Plan B right away if the WS was "not ready" to be a spouse once more.

Contact every 8 weeks or so is not a problem unless it causes YOU heartache.

Your heart is what concerns me - nuthin' else.

and

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

PEP!!!

By the time I got to this line, I was able to figure out what present you were talking about. You WILL like it. Other options are not optional...

Happy Birthday.

tl

Yes Mam! I will LOVE it!

PEP!!!


Glad to hear about the crack in the door from you and Neak. I never knew about that, so its good to know.

Yes trying to keep the heart guarded. I was talking to Lildoggie telling her that I feel pretty good. It's like a little bit of a light bulb clicked on and I really realized that you literally cannot talk to a WS. I knew it but now I have no desire to hear fog babble. After hearing him I feel happy to not have to hear it and realize how utterly pointless it is. There's always going to be the justification and blame shifting and NO progress until he is broken and humble enough to come home.

I was speaking with a childhood friend tonight, we have been in each others lives since grade school and were pretty close. But its hard talking to people about things. I kinda filled her in on the convo and she says well i don't think your plan is going to work, he's very stubborn right now and how do you expect to get him back by not talking to him if thats one of his biggest beefs? They just don't understand. I tried to explain that nothing can be worked out in a threesome and that I did the very best Plan A I could and by that Plan A followed by the Plan B letter there is nothing more that can be said. I even told my H on that call the other night that i can't make you love me or make you want the marriage. People don't understand us or the plan. People think we are playing a game by the plans but i really see no other way or chance against the beast of adultery. No matter what I feel really proud of myself. I have given it my all and worked these plans as close to procedure as I can knowing its the best shot I have. I know there are probably many hard days still to come but no sense going there until they get here.

Anyways feel, good, I can't believe I can say that! Even if its just for today that I can say that makes me feel happy. I have not said I feel good in 9 months, couldn't even get it out of my mouth or even typing it.

Update, dark PB day, no contact to DS10.

{{{{Hugs}}}}G'night

BTW, Hope3343 Needs some help on her PBL.

She is going to give it to H even tho he has filed. It looks as tho its not even legal as he served her incorrectly. Also she has notified project manager and work place exposure should take place soon so she wants the PBL as a road map back.

She wants feedback on it can y'all go over to her thread and check it out?

It's a good feeling when you know you can feel good again, anin't it?

It happens, at first, only once in a blue- but it comes back, I promise.

t2l, I'm really into psychology. I believe that it IS a science, that you CAN predict people, at least a lot of the time, because we're all basically wired the same. You get rejected, you get needy. You get spoiled, you get angry and rude. etc.

So when I found MB, it instantly clicked with me, because everything Dr Harley talks about is nothing more than understanding psychology - how people work.

People categorize good feelings in the back of their minds (Plan A). People want what they can't have; one of our most basic traits as humans (Plan B). Affairs don't last because they're based on fantasy (without the day to day duldrums) and when the APs get together without the spouses, they realize the fantasy partner doesn't provide all the good ENs they were getting from their spouse (Plan B), so the affair crumbles.

It's just human nature and psychology. So the next time one of your friends or family tells you you're crazy, give them that explanation. You'll look smarter than them.

Don't forget to go to the online bookstores, search it, then add your review!

I'm back decided skip a day. Update...Yesterday no contact to DS10. Dark PB day. Felt pretty ok.

Tonight that rat b@stard just texted me! I mean my IM's sent him a message a few days ago about financial things I needed to know and he responded TO ME on text! Ugggg. This makes me super pist!

I think this dude feels he's doing us a favor. I mean the bank account is in bad shape so he probably feels like a hero letting me know that he will make a deposit in the morning. JERK!!!!!!!

I mean Sunday I told him that I dont want to talk to him that even words on a computer screen still hurt as they come from his hands and the freaking jerk texts me.

Uhhhhhh! I mean yeah need the money have stuff I need to take care of but man this time his contact irritates me. Anyways y'all know me, it didn't get responded to. Sorry but I am so not talking to you. Our convo taught me a great lesson and now I am feeling way determined and stronger and I am not wasting my time EVER again talking to your Fogged out butt. I told him also I would still be using the IM's during our conversation. He is against it but I can only control my part by using them and cannot force him to use them.

Oh yeah every month I print out the cell phone bill with all calls made to the Sea Hag and put it in my journal with all my logs and all my communications the IM's have sent him. I gots me a huge file, momma didnt raise no dummy, this dude is scr3wed if it goes to court and he knows it. He mentioned it during our convo to because he good and knows that I am recording his lack of calls and visit. Anyways lst month when I printed them out the calls doubled after I went into Plan B but this time they are cut in half even going 5 days with no calls and that happened twice. I don't feel the A is going that great but now his pride will be what truly is going to hurt. Imagine how hard it would be to come home and admit it didn't work. Whatever dude. He said on that call that even if he wasn't with her he wouldn't come running home. Well he better figure it out cuz as of tomorrow I have 3 months to my 1 year mark.

Okay so update today, no contact with DS10 an d1 dumb text.

Oh yeah and DD17 sent him an email today you can look at it on her thread. It was kinda the outline from Princess Meggy

G'night y'all!

Hiya T2L, I am wide awake. Not good.
Can't believe H texted you. They know our weak points and use them to our advantage. He knows you are worried about finances so he knows you will read the text. Darn.
BUt you are doing great. Hang tight. My prayers are with you.

Might be working at home tomorrow. Not sure what will be happening but if D15 is still sick then I won't leave. take care

By the way IDK if y'all saw that baby shower thread for Chai. I thought it was so wonderful i wanted to include the link for anyone who wants to buy for the baby gifts. Such a beautiful story of giving.

I looked it up on target.com and you can buy the gift and send it straight to her. If you can I encourage anyone to help.

Chai's MB Baby Shower

It never fails to amaze me how the WS who is desperate to get away from the horrible BS, that they havent loved in years, been happy with, are not in love with, blah blah blah,...

Won't go away and leave the BS alone!
They have to keep lurking and whining, and show their faces even when they know it is distreesing the BS.

Hey, WS!
GO AWAY! Leave them alone already.

Sheesh, try a little consistancy at least :RollieEyes:

Just when you successfully detach, they rear their ugly WS heads. And it is never pleasant because we can hardly recognize them anymore since they are so far into the fog. It is pretty sad. Who said there are no such things as "multiple personalities"

WS's just don't get it. And they don't get it that they don't get it.

~Lemonman paraphrase

I had this same problem. He would want to talk with me everyday, you know, just to "be friends". Blah, I will never get it. It's one of those, I don't want you at the moment, but I don't want anyone else to have you either so I'll keep you hanging on in one way or another until I decide that I want you back.

Blah, stupid waywards. I feel for you T2L. Good for you for not responding. You are a strong woman!