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T2LDD!
Read what you wrote on your momma's thread.
Remind me to never get your back up...I'm skeered o'you!!!
(good girl!)
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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HE TALKED A LITTLE MORE ABOUT WHY MY BROTHER WAS UPSET ABOUT THE MESSAGE HE HAD LEFT. AND SAID IT WAS FOR MY MOM AND HE SHOULD HAVE NOT HEADR THAT!! Oh, that makes my blood boil! You kids don't deserve the games he's playing with you. I'm so sorry.
Last edited by catperson; 01/19/09 10:08 AM. Reason: messed up, changed my mind
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T2LDD, Welcome to MB. You know, you are the same age my daughter was when her dad went crazy. My daughter hated her dad for what he had done and got very involved in the whole situation. She even called OW! It did not help matters at all. I was a mess and didn't know anything about MB.
Your mom is blessed that she found MB. You are handling yourself very well! But everyone is right, it is not your job to protect your mom or your brother in all of this. Your relationship with your dad will continue for the rest of your life.
I'm not saying to condone what he's doing, in fact, the way you've been handling things is perfect. You're not giving in to his attempts to break your mom's Plan B or to his obvious attempts to manipulate you or your feelings. He is ashamed of himself (you can believe that) even if he won't admit it.
I think the most powerful tool you have is your relationship with your dad pre-A. Have you thought about writing him a letter? These are my words, but I know one of the things that really got to my husband when he was wayward was to know that God had not given up on him.
Dear Dad,
I am so sad about all of this. The dad that raised me would never hurt his family in a million years. The dad that raised me would never dream of turning his back on God. The dad that raised me would be appalled at a man who chose adultery over the family that God gave him to protect and love. The dad that raised me would honor the wife of his youth.
We have always been so close and I could always trust you. I knew that you had a direct line to God and prayed for my protection daily. Even if I didn't always show it, I respected and loved you for who you were and for what you stood for. Dad, God is not finished with you. I think you know that.
This has been so painful for all of us. You say Mom is controlling. Yes she is. She is controlling how much pain is allowed to enter her heart. Contact with you is painful right now. She is only trying to protect her love for you. I'm sorry you don't understand that.
I am praying with all my heart that you turn your life back to God. His promise is that he will never leave nor forsake you. He is chasing you dad. Please listen. I want my real dad to walk me down the aisle some day. I want my real dad to be a grandparent to my children. I want my mom and dad to enjoy their last days on this earth together, serving God, and being an example to me and my brother about what a marriage should be.
I love you dad. I always will. I'm just hurting. Will you stop the hurting? Here ya go foofey, here's the bump to the letter you wanted to see again. FYI y'all DD17 wanted me to bump this she is thinking about sending this to him since her dad seemed sincere to her during their lunch. I think she's gonna re-word it. Funny thing DD17 just told me. Her dad said don't tell your mom yet but when you turn 18(Feb 5th) I'll take you to a back to get the car signed over to you, of course I will still help you with payments. LOL I said no way DD17 you have no idea if he will still help you but you can bet since its in his name he isn't going to want his credit ruined.  I wouldn't have been so alarmed if it wasn't for the fact that he wants to do this the day she turns 18 so "she can build her credit". I mean hello she only had that temp job for 2 weeks at the college book store and now needs to find another permanent job. Anyways I have discouraged DD17 to putting that car in her name.
Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10
Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08
Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08
Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08
Plan B 11/15/08-currently
01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL
01/31/09 Planned brief contact
02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL
Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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I agree. He can always do that later, after you've reconciled.
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so the other day my dad came down to get some stuff for my mom on her birthday!!!
we got her a great 1 hour and 30 min massage and then got her a new purse and some make up and a really funny card!!!!
well after we were done shopping i drove him back to his car and drop him off... then we were just sitting talking about how nice of a day it was... then he said well im hungry and i said yeah me too.. i said i wouldnt ask..because i didnt want to be rude...
but anyway.. he took me to a nice lunch i was starrvvvving.
mmm...
well anyway we got to the place and paid.. then sat down and i asked him.. " do you miss my mom?"
he replied.. yes i do...
so i left him alone and didn't say anything else until we sat down and got ready to get our food....
i asked him" do you miss buh buh (my brother)???"
then thats when he lost it and put his glasses on in the middle of eating in a public restraunt..and started crying..
i asked him are you ok and he replied with a simple "no"
so i said well dad you know that if you evber came home that you could be happy again right??
and he said yes i know..
and i said why dont you just come home..
and he said well there are things that i need to deal with by myself.. becasue i know it will hurt your mom if i do these things when im with her.. its hurt her before and i dont want to do that...
then he said plus there are other things like......
" the lease at my apartment they will charge me 2500 plus the monthly payment if i try to get out of it...
SO I ASKED HIM... well that means you have thought about coming home..
HE REPLIED.. YEAH I HAVE BUT STILL I CANT JUST DO IT RIGHT NOW.. and i said YES YOU CAN ITS NOT A BIG DEAL I KNOW YOUR GIRLFRIEND WOULD BE A STRONG PERSON (HAHAHAHHA NOT) AND SHE WOULDNT CARE IF YOU CAME BACK TO US.. AND THE LEASE ISNT A BIG DEAL YOU CAN PAY THAT BACK DUHHH!!!
AND I SAID YA KNOW WE ALL MISS YOU AND WISH OUR FAMILY WASNT BROKEN..
THAT WAS THE END OF THE CONVERSATION..
THEN I TOOK HIM BACK TO HIS CAR THEN I SAID DAD YA GOTTA START USING YOUR HEAD AND MAKING UP YOUR MIND....
AND HE SAID HE KNEW...
HE ALSO ASKED ME IF HE SHOULD TEXT MY MOM HAPPY BIRTHDAY....
AND I SAID HMM WHY DONT YOU JUST GIVE HER A CALL..
(SORRY ALL YOU GUYS... IT WAS MY IDEA FOR HIM TO CAL MY MOM BUT I THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA... AND IT DID WORK BECAUSE MY MOM ISNT SAD AS MUCH ANYMORE...WHICH IS GREAT BECASUE I DONT LIKE SEEING MY MOMMA SAD..)
WELL ANYWAY MY DAD CALLED MY MOM THEY TALKED A LITTLE.. AND HE PRETTY MUCH SAID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING THAT HE TOLD ME...
SO I THINK ITS TIME PRINCESS MEGGY....
IM GOING TO WRITE HIM THAT LETTER.. I THINK ITS GETTING CLOSER.. AND I NEED TO MAKE ANOTHER CRACK IN HIS LIFE...
SO ILL UPDATE ALL OF YOU WITH THE LETTER IM GOING TO SEND.. KK
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SO I THINK ITS TIME PRINCESS MEGGY....
IM GOING TO WRITE HIM THAT LETTER.. I THINK ITS GETTING CLOSER.. AND I NEED TO MAKE ANOTHER CRACK IN HIS LIFE...
SO ILL UPDATE ALL OF YOU WITH THE LETTER IM GOING TO SEND.. KK Good for you! He needs to feel the pain that he's bringing to his family.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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OK GUYS...
THIS IS MY LETTER IM SENDING IT TODAY!!!!!
WHAT DO YOU THINK???
Dear Dad,
This isnt a mean letter at all.. so please read the whole thing..
Im just so sad about all of whats happened this year. The dad that raised me would never hurt his family in a million years. The dad that raised me would be appalled at a man who chose THE HAG over the family that God gave him to protect and love. The dad that raised me would honor my momma.
We have always been so close and I could always trust you. I knew that you had a direct line to God and prayed for my protection and whenever I didn't feel good daily. Even if I didn't always show it, I respected and loved you for who you were and for what you stood for.
This has been so painful for all of us. You say Momma is controlling. Yes she is. She is controlling how much pain she can take because contact with you is painful right now because your not with her. She is only trying to protect her love for you. Momma cant wait forever.. and the longer this goes on.. I can already tell she wont wait long daddy... and its making me sad because I want you to be happy too.I thought mom could wait forever because she loves you, but it just seems like she wont be able to make it much longer..i want you to be the one who protects and loves and hold my mom not some other guy.. and I know that you wouldnt want that either.....
I'm just want you to understand that fishie.
I am praying that soon you come back to God and to me, momma and buh buh. Please listen. I want my fishie to walk me down the aisle some day not some other man. Be here for my 18th birthday and for my graduation!! Also go on vacations...(as a family) I want my fishie to be a grandparent to my children. I want my mom and dad to enjoy their last days on this earth together, serving God, and being an example to buh buh and me, and of course to make you and momma happy again. And dad, the lease on your place doesn't matter.. we could take care of that too... dont a big deal...
I love you dad. I always will. I'm just hurting. You could change this and be our hero again!!!
LOVE
T2L DD
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OMG, your letter is so much better... and straight from the heart. I've got tears in my eyes reading it.
You're an angel.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Great letter. Don't expect anything, but hope that he will remember it.
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Very nice. You are amazing. I can see why your mom is so proud of you.
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T2L D -- great letter, want to share with my D15. No matter what happens be proud you are such a great daughter to both your mother and father during these difficult times. I know this has not been easy for you. take care.
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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T2L D
You're quite a wonderful person .... fo'shizzle
Your letter is full of honest sentiment - warmth - understanding - with a pinch of spice - perfection!
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A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Beautiful letter. I'm bawling my eyes out right now. You understand more about adultery than you ever should.
And your conversation with your dad was incredible. You AND your mom have told him repeatedly the door is open and all CAN BE restored. He has no idea the depths of blessings he has in your family. I am praying with passion that his scales are removed.
God will bless you for YOUR faithfulness, T2LDD.
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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WOW. You made me cry with that letter.
You are such a strong, wise young lady.
I, too, can see why your momma is so darn proud of you. Anyone would be lucky to call you friend or family.
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Last edited by Trying2liveDD; 01/24/09 05:52 PM.
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well this is kinda dumb so get this!!
i wrote that letter and he told me he got it! so then he comes to visit...
so before all that we were going to go to dinner with my dad my brother and my boyfriend, then my dad says "can you ask your mom if she wants to come" so i did and she said no, only when your ready to come back to the family !
honestly i thought everything that happened yesterday was really wierd! he came over out of no where , he asked to unload the groceries for my mom.. which he never did..even when he lived here...
so anyway she got straight out of her car and went into the garage then into her room so he didnt see her...
then stays till 12am and asks my mom to stay the night hmmm seems like he's not so happy with the HAG lol!!
so anyway he told my brother to go ask my mom if he could stay ..
which i knew he would because i left the house around 1130pm to go cosmic bowling, and he said he didnt want to go home....
so my brother goes in her room and asks her and she says he has to come ask me himself...
so he goes inside her room and asks her and she said..
well..(dad) i would love you to stay here that would be great but i cannot share you!! and he said k well i shouldnt have asked then..
then i guess he went home..
IDK WHATS GOING ON WITH HIM...
WHEN I LOOK AT HIM HE LOOKS MISERABLE.. HE DOESNT LOOK HAPPY.. HE LOOKS REALLY SAD!!!
HE SEEMED A LITTLE MORE LIKE HIMSELF YESTERDAY THO
SOOOO WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK????
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Beautiful letter. I'm bawling my eyes out right now. You understand more about adultery than you ever should.
And your conversation with your dad was incredible. You AND your mom have told him repeatedly the door is open and all CAN BE restored. He has no idea the depths of blessings he has in your family. I am praying with passion that his scales are removed.
God will bless you for YOUR faithfulness, T2LDD.
AWWWWW THANKS YOUR SO SWEET!!!!
YEAH I WAS REALLY CLOSE TO MY DADDY.... AND SOMETIMES YEAH IT MAY BE HARD FOR ME TO SAY THINGS DIRECTLY TO HIM... BUT HOPFULLY I GOT TO THE POINT WITH THIS LETTER.. HOPEFULLY IT MADE SOME KIND OF IMPACT!!!!
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Great letter! I think dad needs your prayers right now. Yes, he was always the protector and leader of the family, but he has lost his way. It says in scripture that sometimes we get so weak, we are not able to pray for ourselves.
I think the Lord is speaking to your dad through you. I hope you will continue to pray for him and let him know that you are taking up that burden.
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I think you can do a daughter's Plan A - show your dad how much he's missing by not being at home. It would help your mom, if you could keep that in mind, that what she is trying to do is follow a plan - show him how nice being at home is, but also show him that she can't just sit around and wait for him because it's too painful. That's her goal. It's meant to protect her, but the added benefit is that he's not getting his 'fix' of your mom. I think that, and the added stress of having to go out of his way to see you kids, is making his fantasy world crumble at the edges.
If you can continue to remind him how great it is to be at home, in non-obvious ways, it may help him decide that's what he really wants.
No guarantees, of course, you can't make someone else do what you want. But I think that is the best hope you 3 have. Be happy, but refuse to participate in his fantasy world.
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