OK, some of you know my husband had an affair a few months ago. We decided to try and work things out. We have been attending MC and so far things seem to be looking up. Its been a slow process and will continue to be for awhile I'm sure. At least I feel my husband is trying and seems to be genuine in what he is saying/doing.


The problem is, the OW he had an affair with (who was my friend) is wanting to cause problems now. We both work together, not directly. The place I'm working is paying for me to go back to school (which I have been doing since the Fall) so it helps that I remain in that department which is also part of my training.

Anyway, I'm assuming since my husband came back to me, she is now feeling like the scorned lover. She is acting childish and spreading lies and rumors. Everyone knows what she and my husband had done. No one cares for her. The problem is she is making things as difficult as possible. What's worse, she now has some of the same people who didn't care for her, now believing her. I have ignored it all. I feel its the best thing to do and that things will catch up to her.

I have gone to my supervisor and talked to her. She seems to understand how I feel on the whole thing. I just keep minding my business. However, the OW comes across as a little off balance if you get what I mean, so I'm kind of afraid in way she may take things further in her hurt and anger. I know right now its just her running her mouth more and less, but you never know when someone might just go off the deep end.

Are there some more things I might need to see about doing in order to put my mind more at ease with this?

Do you and ow work in the same department?

Are you supervised by the same person?

Has the ow been advised to leave you alone?

Do you feel threatened?

Is having your education paid for worth what you are going through?

Do you feel you are being adequately protected by your employer's policies and your supervisor's actions since exposure at the workplace?

Has adequate exposure taken place at your workplace?

If it gets worse, throw out the word "hostile work environment" to your boss and see what happens. Keep records of every interaction, rumor, and the times you make a complaint. Maybe they'll fire her, maybe not. Just like high school, about the only thing you can do besides quit, is to not respond directly to her and keep complaining.

I would also go to her supervisor and let them know what she's doing. Tell them you are officially asking them to monitor their employee so that it doesn't get out of hand (i.e., lawsuit).

AGREE! That phrase, 'hostile work environment" will get some attention. Even so, you may have to just bite the bullet and leave if she doens't leave. There is no amount of free training that is worth your mental health.

Yes, same department but not directly with each other. We both work in a large hospital, paths cross on occasions, that's it.

There are more than one supervisor in the department.

I talked with MY supervisor and she was going to talk to the other supervisor that the OW reports too.

I'm not sure if the OW has been advised yet. I just know her supervisor was supposed to be informed. I'm off work today but will try to find out if she has been informed.

I don't really feel threatened at this point, but could be I guess, because not sure what she may or may not do, you just never know.

Having my education paid for is worth it to be there. I guess I see it as if I keep minding my business and making sure things are being taken care of properly on my end with it, she may end up being out the door anyway. I think she will hang her own self so to speak.

Feeling adequately taken care of by the employers policies, I guess so far I do. This just recently started happening, and I just spoke with my supervisor this week, so hopefully things are being taken care of, and I plan on following up on all of this.

Was just wondering if there was maybe anything else I need to do.

Yes, that is true! My husband came back to me about 2 weeks ago, and this crap with the OW causing problems just started this week. So as soon as I caught wind of the things she as saying etc, I went to the supervisor. So hopefully things will be delt with properly. I will continue to keep a check on things.

I'm a big believer in letting any authority know what's going on for this reason: If anything out of the norm goes on, you have already told the authorities that a certain person is causing you stress and acting irresponsibly. Therefore, if OW were to, say, try to make you look bad, blame something on you, you have already reported that she's off her rocker. That way, anything she tries to pin on you - no one will believe. Security, front desk, anyone else she might cause a ruckus around and blame on you...

When you make a complaint put it in writing too. An email would probably be best so no one can claim they didn't receive a complaint from you.

Look at your employee handbook. Read their hostile work environment policies. Familiarize yourself with the procedures you are to follow in complaining. If the policies are not well spelled out, contact the hospital's human resources department and inquire about the policies. At present, you don't really have to make a complaint through them. Just gain knowledge.

If things don't settle down in a few days, advance to step two OR remind you supervisor that you talked to her/him, explain that things aren't settling down, remind her/him that they said they would talke w/ ow's supervisor, ask them to do this before you take it to a higher level.

I would be paying a visit to Human Resources with alot of documentation in hand accompanied by liberal use of the term "hostile work environment."

do you have a human resource dept. No satisfaction from the supervisor go to HR.
Yes hostile work ... there is no reason for you to leave the department especially since school is job related.
OW needs to be stopped now. She is trying to get a reaction out of you in hopes she can get you fired. Don't do it. Follow a process and get her out of there. good luck

Thanks! Yes, I hope things are going to be taken care of with the supervisor, but it always helps to make sure all bases are covered and that as many people as possible are alerted to what is going on or could possibly go on.

You're right I shouldn't have to leave just because she wants to spout off or whatever. If I do, then to me she has won and accomplished what she set out to do. My job/schooling is important to me, she however, is not.

To the person that suggested security, that's a great idea and I know several of the security people there pretty good, so that might just be beneficial as well.

Not trying to add to your stress but as an added precaution, if you could possibly park your car in view of security or cameras, try to. If OW is becoming a bunny boiler she could try to vandalize your vehicle.

You're right. I think that's a good idea.

You know, I was thinking earlier, how I just can't see her snapping and going off the deep end, even though i know its possible. Its just one those things where you picture someone, and think, wow I can't see that person doing this or that.

However, I didn't picture my husband running around on me either, especially with her, but he did. So you never know about people.

Hee.

Poor Sharon Stone.