My story is here:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2195112#Post2195112if you need background.
My husband has made a commitment not to speak to the neighbor. Now, through this all he has insisted it was really no more than friendly talking. They talked on the phone and out in the yard around our houses. They never met secretly. They didn't have sex. They didn't have deeply intimate conversations just talked about every day stuff like friends. He said he just "enjoyed talking to her" nothing more. I have to believe him. Right now, I have no choice. I say it was an emotional affair (they did not discuss being in love or anything like that) but he says it was really just a friendship. Either way, I was betrayed and he lied to me about it and hid it from me because he knew any relationship outside of marriage is wrong. I have been hurt more than anything has ever hurt me.
So, last night I was gone out with a friend. This morning I find out that they saw the neighbor outside..... my dh did not talk to her but said hey and good night. I say this is too much. I don't want any talking for any reason. He says it is neighborly. I say he doesn't want to hurt her feelings or look rude but he is putting her feelings over mine. He says he is not. Then he told me he "forgot". I don't think he is lying but even if he is not he is not holding to the commitment.
We started seeing a counselor yesterday. My husband said in the meeting on a scale of 1-10 that he was a 10 of wanting to make our marriage work, doing whatever it takes. He wants to see what the counselor says about not speaking to this person for any reason. I see no reason to be neighborly - I am not...I ignore her and have not looked at her or spoken to her since mid-August. Is that being immature or protecting myself? I told him that I want him to write her the email - with me present - and tell her that their friendship hurt me and damaged our marriage. That he loves me and he is going to do what it takes to heal our relationship. That he will no longer speak to her for any reason and he does not want her to speak to him for any reason. I don't know if he will do it or not. I can't force him. I have a sneaking suspicion that he doesn't want to do it.
Do you think this was an affair? Emotional affair? Am I being irrational to request him not to speak to her AT ALL? I am not just talking having a conversation, I mean saying hello when he runs into her outside (we have to be out there no way around that), waving when they drive by each other, etc. At the very least...we stopped it before it became something else, went too far. First, I don't know what she felt on her end. She could have been thinking/hoping there was more or would be more? She could still be hoping that. I see that if he speaks to her, then it could make her think that everything is okay. Those actions are how all this got started in the first place.
