I can't believe I am back here, I guess maybe I should never have left.
10 years ago my husband had an affair, it was ugly he left me and the kids, found his soul mate and deserved to be happy. I fell apart, lost 40lbs couldn't even think, we work for the same company and everyone knew about it before me, and then 4 days later he came home. He said he felt like he was watching someone elses life in a movie and he need me and his life back.
Well stupid me, I took him back no questions and for the last 10 years I thought we made it and would be together forever, until today, I came home from work and saw the light on the answering machine so I hit play, in front of my son and it was a lady telling my husband that she found him a 1 bedroon aprtment and he can move in on the first.
I called him at work and he said yes, he has been unhappy for the past 10 years and he wants a new life without us.
He swears there is no one else, but I think there must be, we were happy, and have been married for 24 years.
WE both work hard and don't spend enouth time together, but we try to be together at least one whole day every week and every night after work. We never fight, and I love him.
He moved out today, and I can't breath.

Hi Browneyes-

Sorry you are here, but this is the best place to be under the circumstances. I would recommend that you post this over in the General Questions forum. There is a lot more traffic there and there are others who may have more insights into what to do.

You also may want to go to the "Just Found Out" thread and read the sections for newly betrayed spouses etc. There's a lot of good information there too. Also, read the articles posted in the "Most Popular Links" on the side, starting with "Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts."



This statement is right out of the "wayward spouse script" of things they say.

Hang in there-

Agreed. I would move your thread, and read up on snooping. Hire a PI to follow him and see if he's telling the truth. At least then you'll know what you're really dealing with. If it's an affair, you have a fair chance of getting him back, if you follow MB suggestions.

I don't get the whole "I've been unhappy for years" line.
Especially when they never give you the outward appearance that they were not unhappy.
My wife gave me the idea that she has been unhappy for at least 2 years and may not have desired me the whole time we have been married, 16 YEARS!

Not sure what is up with people doing this to their spouses but I will say you do not deserve this treatment. Don't let it steal YOUR joy. Learn to breathe without him.
I know it is easier said than done. There is nothing wrong with trying to reconcile, I feel your pain and am going through it too.
Whether there is another person or not or whatever led to this is not as important as you coming out on the other side regardless what happens without losing yourself.
Stay strong. You are a whole person and you can make it.

I'm so sorry you are here. But, here is a good place to be. There is also life after divorce, if you find yourself in that situation. My mother got divorced after 24 years of marriage. She remarried after 10 years and couldn't be happier.

It is possible your husband is involved in an affair. It is also possible he is not involved in an affair, and has been unhappy for much or most of the last ten years.

Steve Harley told me something interesting when I was trying to save my marriage with B. He said that we, as individuals, tend to judge the health and happiness of our marriage by our own happiness. B was happy married to me, therefore, he thought we had a good marriage. He thought that in spite of me asking him repeatedly to go to MC, telling him I was deeply unhappy, and even asking him to move out. B was shocked when after 2 years or more of MC alone, I moved out.

This may apply to your marriage or it may not. I don't know.

I do know it stinks that your H didn't have the guts to tell you he was looking for other housing.

Do you have friends or family to support you during this time? Please try to be good to yourself, and reinforce your own value at this time. I'm sure it feels like there is an abyss staring you in the face, but on the other side there are green pastures. Sorry for the mixed metaphors.