Hello, alittle background....I have been married for 11 yrs. My H and I have 2 children. Alittle over 1 yr ago my H had an affair with a coworker that lasted 4 mths. An employee of my H tipped me off to it. I started doing some investigation cell phones records, etc. I confronted my H of course he denies it. I ask him to leave our home until he can be honest with me. During this time I expose to H superior. Textbook babble spews from H mouth I ruined him, she was let go from the position, she was a single mom and of course all was my fault. I told H to sleep in the pig pen he made. 3 weeks go by and H cofessed, no contact established, H moves back home so we can work on recovering our marriage. We had the typical marriage, grew apart both family and career oriented and our marriage was put on the back burner. I know I am 50% responsible for the state of M before affair. I take no responsibility for H turing to some Wh**e! We have been in recovery for 10 months now we have made some progress with EN's and such, but I still struggle. You cant put into words the level of pain this type of betrayal causes, it can be overwhelming at times. I still have horrble triggers especially being around any of H co workers. I still have some angry outbursts also. I guess my question is when does this go away? I sometimes feel I am just going thru the motions. I am 100% invested in my marriage but I feel a part of me has been taken that I will never get back. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated....I guess I just want to know I am not the only one who has felt this way..Thank you.

first off, I want to applaud you for taking decisive ACTION when you discovered the affair. Your efforts killed that affair and made it possible to save your marriage.

But you are in good company. It takes along time to recover from such a betrayal and you are likely at the worst part. You are at the phase where the relief wears off and the anger sets in. For many, that is the climax of recovery and afterwards it does get better.

My concern for you is that you don't seem to have an active program of recovery and are engaging in lovebusters. It will be important for you to rebuild the romantic love in your marriage and to AFFAIR PROOF so this doesnt happen again. Has your husband addressed the sloppy boundaries that allowed him to have an affair?

Do you have any of the Marriage Builders books?

Thank You for your response Melody, you hit the nail on the head...moving from feeling relief to anger. We have HNHN and SAA. We are spending alot more alone time together...such as date night once a week, we have had many BOUNDARY discussions and H does see where he has issues with crossing boundaries.

Our marriage has become #1...it something to be protected and cherished. I am working on angry outbursts, alot of times I hold it in until it passes but sometimes...well I'm only human. I know I have to work on lovebusting. Recovery is tough.

gabi, yes, recovery is very tough. When you feel your anger building up, come here and vent TO US instead of blasting your H. We understand and can help you with your anger.

Hi gabi,

I'm about 10 months post Dday too. Still struggle but the triggers have gotten less and less. If there is a trigger date coming up soon I've been making plans with FWH and our children to go do something during that time. Mini-vacations, hosting a barbeque with friends, or anything festive. I have found that I'm usually having too much fun and the day passes by with little or no thought about the A. OW in my case worked for the same company as FWH so I know what you mean about feeling triggers when they are around. Early on when his coworkers had anything positive to say about H, I'd want to scream "You have no idea what an ahole he is!" Those feelings have subsided for the most part. It does get better.

Black Raven, I can totally relate when someone tells me what a great husband I have...I think oh if you only knew...My D Day is in March and I haven't really given it much thought, but it is a good idea making some type of plans..I am so happy to see your marriage is recovery also..it make me believe that We can get thru this too.