Yes, I have spoken to both girls and told them that there mother was having an AA with the OM. Yes, they know his name.

Everyone knows but she has cut off contact with almost everyone except for him and another WW.

I have read are re-read the carrot and stick plan and I think I am doing everything that is written. I know she is still seeing him and I told her that it hurts me. Of course, she doesn't care. Our 26yo son wrote to her a NC letter and she said that she isn't going to be pressured into anything.

Rwinger, this is exactly what I had thought.

Do I tell her now that if she still feels that she needs to go on the trip in April that she should then move her stuff out when she gets back?

How do you put a wrench in her affair? Every time she calls him from home you stand right next to her and talk to him. 'WW can't talk to you right now, she is with her kids and her husband.'

Every time she leaves the house to go see him, you change the locks and make her knock on the door to get back in. Or you move her stuff into a spare bedroom. Or take the kids on vacation. Or call her parents as soon as she starts to leave and tell them in front of her 'WW is on her way out the door to go scr&w OM.' Or bring your friends over to be there when she comes home from him. You embarrass the h&ll out of her. You call it an assault, so wage war!

Be as nice as you can be when the A is not happening. Any time she goes into A mode, you make it miserable.

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When she is gone, I would file legal separation papers and change the locks. But don't tell her in advance.

Is she still going off on the weekends to sleep with the OM? Does she talk to him from your home?

Have her parents spoken to her about her adultery? What is their reaction and what are they doing to help?

Also! Do you live in an alienation of affection state? And does your state have no-fault divorce?

You can not file for a legal separation in my state. The lawyer is going to draw up a martial agreement. I will get to live in the house until my youngest daughter graduates High School, child support and additional money for the mortgage.

No, not since the A has been exposed to the girls. I have never caught her talking to him from the house.

Yes, I have spoken to her parents and they are not happy. However, she doesn't seem to care what anyone thinks. She made a comment that her parents are disappointed with her. I told her Mom what she said and her Mom said that was an understatement. Her Mom wants her to make a decision, either the OM or me. However, she has said that the OM is never welcomed in their home. They want her to realize everything she is giving up for this loser. She doesn't call her Mom much, she used to talk to her everyday. It is really sad to see all of the relationships that she is destroying for this A.

It that the same as a divorce? Is this legally binding?


GREAT!! Do you see how effective exposure is?


This is great news. The fact that she is isolated will place more pressure on the affair.

Can you find the OMs parents and expose to them? Exposing to the OM's family will alienate them from that side too. It will dash the future hopes of the affair.

Are you asking if she gives me affection? If so, then the answer is no, I get very little affection from her. I try to show her affection but I have to be careful of her "space".

Not sure if we have a no-fault divorce. I know that I could file for divorce tomorrow on grounds of Adultery. I want to save my M so I haven't take that step.

In some states you can SUE the OM for messing with your marriage. They are called alienation of affection lawsuits and they can cause huge trouble to OPs. You can read about them here . The states that have them are: Hawaii, Illinois, North Carolina, New Hampshire, Mississippi, New Mexico, South Dakota, and Utah.


Ok, I would let both your WW and the OM know that if the affair does not end you will be forced to file for divorce on grounds of adultery and will call the OM to the stand as a witness. He will have to give testimony under oath about all the details of his adultery with your wife. They both need to know that this will be their due if the affair doesn't stop. This will give them second thoughts.

See, most OM are class A pansies so if they think you will fight for your marriage, it gives them second thoughts.