Ok so Im looking for some help with this whole sticky situation and need someone who doesnt know either of us.

Well this marriage is crashing down in a ball of fire in a short 3 years, get stickier with a 2 and 1/2 year old and tons of debt.

So Im gonna lay it on the line... i was the unfaithful one, happended in June, my husband went on a trip and returned home to wife he didnt even know. So I told him flat out, rationalized it as much as possible, explained that I didnt know where it came from and that I was sorry. Surprisingly enough he didn run to the local courthouse for a divorce like he swore he would had he ever experienced it. Three weeks later he up and moved himself and my child to another state about 1800 miles away. Told me I needed to find myself. The idea of losing him was scary. So they left and well I went back to the other and continued that way for 5 months. Moved at the beginning of december to be with my daughter and husband. Went through exactly what we went through in June again... he told me to leave, we talked it out and well I stayed. its been an on the fence off the fence month and 17 days. Somedays I want to fix the whole thing and make life for my family and other days I want to quietly pack myself and my child in my truck and run.

Im the aweful one and havent severed ties to the other, I miss him terrible. There are 16 yrs difference between my husband and myself and only a year between me and the other. It was mostly a sexual relationship and fun time, little to worry about and such.

I have no idea what to do. We have gone as far as changing number and such, but I cant stop talking to the other guy. I cant let my husband even touch me. There has been two sexual encounters between me and my husband but its such a chore to do so. The thought of his lips touching mine makes me want to puke, and the idea of his hand touching my skin makes it crawl. But I dont want to run and be with this other person forever, maybe just one last rondevous.

I guess my question is are my feelings to far gone for my husband and would it be better for my child if she had two parents that can talk and get along rather then two parents that hate each other and cant agree. Im so lost and confused. My heart hurts to think that i wont be able to talk to the other guy, kills me. there is so much negativity here, hes like a safe haven of good conversations. help... I need it.

Your feelings for the OM will change if you will end contact with him. We can show you how to have those same feelings with your H. But that cannot ever happen until you stop all contact with him. The OM is like a bad crack addiction and the way to get over it is to WITHDRAW. The only way to withdraw is to end all contact.

Does your H know you are still in touch with the OM?


But you know there is no future with the OM. He is not husband material and has a very low regard for you. You are just a cheap piece of fun to him.

Cheating this early in the marriage? It's not a good sign.


It took you 5 months to even TRY to go after him? And what about your poor daughter? What is she supposed to think?



Yes you do, you just don't want to miss out on some tasty cake.


You are repulsed by your husband because you are fantasizing about someone who is unrealistically being put on a pedestal and worshipped.



You need help. If you really want to save your marriage you will go NC NOW.

Ok, you are going to get slammed here, so just prepare yourself for it. If you are serious about wanting your marriage you are going to have to just "woman up" and take whatever the vets here tell you. Read that again. IF YOU ARE SERIOUS. If you are not and just want to have fun, then do not waste anybody's time. Not the posters here, not your poor husband's, and not even your child's.

CUT OFF ALL CONTACT NOW!!!!!!!!!!! ALL. CONTACT. NOW.

Write a NC letter. There are plenty of examples on this site. Have your husband approve it and mail it.

You are going to go through withdrawal. I told my H that when he started smoking, he was committed to experiencing PAIN. He was either going to get pain from the awful illnesses he would get or from the withdrawal. The same goes for an affair. Once you cheat you are in for nothing but PAIN. No matter what. If you stop NOW, you MAY be able to recover your marriage(IF and ONLY if your H wants to.) And if you don't, you get the pain that goes along with divorce, losing your child and ultimately losing the cheater who cheated with you.

Sound fun????? Pick your pain.

I was struck by the fact that I heard not one word of compassion for your husband. Not good. Not good at all.

No more rendezvous with the adultery partner. NONE!!!!

Go to the home page of this site and watch the video about infidelity by Dr. Harley. Hopefully it will curl your toes and make you realize what you have done to your H.

You are DEEP in the Wayward Fog. the fact that you came here is good. Let the vets speak to you, clobber you and give you advice.

Look for posts by lifeschoice, Mrs. Wondering, KiwiJ, and Resonance. All were wayward wives who have become MAGNIFICENT wives and advocates of MB.

Apparently this wasnt the case when you got pregnant at one time. You have a choice - read, learn, perhaps get a session with MB folks to restore the love OR

So you are happy being a piece of [censored]?


The former of course unless you are thinking the OM is going to be your child's parent. Is OM married?


I agree. Welcome to Marriage Builders.

well - when your husband remarries - the step mom will get to talk 50% of the time. Think about what the future will be like.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. BTDT.

The only way to fix this sitch, is to cut off all contact w/ OM.

Go through w/drawals and begin to use MB principles.

I promise you that once you get through w/drawals from OM, you will get back your feelings for H.

But, you MUST cut off all contact w/ OM.

There is no other way.


Of course there is alot of negativity in your home. Your H and child have been through he!! and their wife/mother still doesn't know if she wants to be a part of their lives!

Commit to no contact for life. Write OM a NC letter let your BH approve it and mail it together.

After about 6 weeks, you will feel much better. You just have to hang in there.