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For those who might live in the far SW suburbs of Chicago (around the Joliet area) our church will be showing Fireproof on the evening of February 13th, 2009.

The entire weekend we are dedicating to a celebration of marriage the way God meant it to be.


The evening will start at 6:00 pm with food, games and fun with the movie starting at 7:15 pm at the church in Shorewood, Illinois.


If anyone has any interest and would like to attend contact me at the email address in my sig-line for details. We aren't one of those mega-venue buildings and we're kind of out-of-the-way and off the beaten track but all are welcome.



Mark

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I hope a lot of people show up. I am very excited because it comes out on DVD this Tues, 1-27-09

LC





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LC,

We've already ordered the DVD but have also purchased a license to show it in a public venue. We're hoping we have a lot of couples show up.

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Wow, didn't realize you would have to purchase a lic to show it. Are you planning to have any discussions as a follow up or simply planning to show the movie?

LC





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LC,

As far as I know we'll be breaking into small discussion groups after the movie.

I'm still coming up to speed on the details myself. I'll let everyone know more as we get closer.

Mark

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I'd like to hear what happens and how it goes, Mark. My church is very small (115 members) and we don't have couples groups. I'd like to do something so I'm interested in any suggestions to get folks motivated.


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L4,

Our church isn't a whole lot bigger than that. We began 25 years ago in a farm house, moved to a school auditorium, rented a bunch of rooms and stuff for a few years and then spent every dime we had to build a church in a mall only to find out the day the carpet was being installed that the mall had been sold and was scheduled to be torn down. The new owners bought out our lease and we used that money (several times what we had spent) as a down payment on the building we have now.

We also don't currently have a couples group though we do have several small groups that meet about monthly that are made up of mostly couples. I have been trying to get a MB discussion group started but need two things for it to happen.

I need our pastor and other board members to buy in so that the church can be the covering body.

And I need my wife to buy in so that we don't place stress on our marriage because I am trying to something without her enthusiastic agreement. This is what I need first because unless I get POJA agreement from her I don't need approval by the board.

Our pastor and his wife and one other couple are each meeting with another couple from outside the church and are using the MB audio course.

I can tell you, L4, that all it really takes to start a small group is to invite folks to join you to do something. I have begun several small groups that started as people getting together at some one's house to have dinner together or to have a cookout etc. You just have to have a purpose in mind when yo begin.

For example, if you want to strengthen marriages, then do enough research that you know enough to begin conversations about marriage. You can pick a book to read together and discuss or listen to CD courses or view DVD courses etc. It is a good idea to get at least agreement from senior leadership of the church before you start and that will be more likely if you have a clear idea of what you want to accomplish and how you will go about it.

I have always thought a good starting point for a marriage builders group would be discussion of FIL/SIL. This can help any marriage and not just those that have already suffered infidelity, though those too can benefit.

And of course you have to be certain that what you are doing falls in line with the purposes of God since if He is against it, it will never succeed. We can mess up something He wants us to do but can never accomplish in His Name what He is not in favor of.

Mark

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Just a bump to keep this active or another day in case someone has interest.

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Mark,

A poster on the recovery forum named JeffS said that book "40 Day Love Dare" (on which the movie Fireproof was based) provided a new ahah moment for him.

Ace


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I'm not an active churchgoer, but I've been very interested in this movie and would like to see it. (I don't live in the Chicago area, though). I've also flipped thru "The Love Dare", and it looks like a good book as well.

Do you think the religious content would be a turnoff for non-Christians? My wife is Jewish.


Me: 41, INFP
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CC,

Having only viewed the trailers and the preview we are using to promote the movie at our church I can't say for certain that it would offend her, but keep in mind that it is a Christian movie, actually produced by a Baptist church and as such will have specific Christian references.

I think it kind of depends on her POV from her own tradition. Some Jewish folks have an easier time conversing with Christians than others while some are immediately turned off with any mention of Yeshua (Jesus) as being Messiah and the Son of God. It will use a pretty much Christian view of marriage.

Maybe somebody who has seen the entire movie already can give a little more insight.

Mark

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I might download it to my iPod - I checked iTunes this morning and saw it was available. I'm going on a day-trip to one of our other offices next week and will have a two-hour train ride both ways, I might watch it then.


Me: 41, INFP
Her: 46, ESFJ
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Last bump and then I'll let it drop.

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 Originally Posted By: Mark1952
LC,

As far as I know we'll be breaking into small discussion groups after the movie.

I'm still coming up to speed on the details myself. I'll let everyone know more as we get closer.

Mark


So how did the showing of the movie Fireproof go at your church Friday night?

Did you break into small groups for discussion as you thought you might?

From your perspective, how do you compare the 40 days of the Love Dare with ....say, 3+ months of a stellar MB Plan A?

Looking forward to your insights. Hope it went well.

Ace


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Ace,

The movie went well. We had a lot more people than I would have believed if I hadn't seen it. There were about 170 people, not bad for a church with few more than that on Sunday mornings.

At least half of the couples that attended were not members of the church. There were a bunch of folks with tears on their cheeks as they left last night.

Our small groups turned out to be more like small clusters as I don't think anyone sat down after the movie was over. We decided to do more follow-up to try to get people plugged in for the future rather than do too much last night.

Plan A and Love Dare struck me as being very similar in many ways. Since we have the book, I will answer how similar as time goes on. The basic idea is the same though. It is an all out effort to fix the only thing you have control over, that is yourself, in an effort to save the marriage.

And the movie had all the key players, the snake in the grass, the support structure needed to pull it off and the couple who were doing all the wrong things for all the right reason.

I nearly laughed at some points in the movie as I thought of how a group of MB folks could treat the movie like a kind of Rocky Horror Show type cult event. We could boo at the right spots, say the fog-babble a full frame or two in advance, hiss when the cheating doctor appeared on screen and probably throw things at each other during the fights...

It was funny to hear the change in mood from many of the women in the audience last night. At first they were almost high-fiving each other when the group of women were sitting around commiserating. They ooh'd and ah'd as the doctor came on to the wife. But when the handsome doctor showed his true colors, there was an audible gasp from the crowd.

I wanted to stop the movie, stand up and get people thinking right then.

Won't give any more away in case some are still going to see the movie.

Now we'll see how many people actually sign up for the ongoing small groups.

Sunday we are going to dedicate the entire day to marriage. The message will be on marriage and at the end we will ask all the married couple to stand together as we pray for their marriages as a group and individually. If half of the visitors come back on Sunday we'll have SRO conditions..

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Mark,

I'm glad you had a great turnout.

 Quote:
I nearly laughed at some points in the movie as I thought of how a group of MB folks could treat the movie like a kind of Rocky Horror Show type cult event. We could boo at the right spots, say the fog-babble a full frame or two in advance, hiss when the cheating doctor appeared on screen and probably throw things at each other during the fights...


So true. When we were watching the movie here, DD13 picked up on the doctor right away and after he started "doing his thing" she says, "Mom that guys a creep." I told her she did a good job cluing in on wrong behavior from someone.

When we first started watching the movie I announced to everyone to come and watch it with us. DD13 was sitting on the couch and said she didn't really have an interest in watching it. She had her laptop and was playing a computer game. She ended up watching more of the movie than playing her game and at the end said "Mom. you were right that is a really good movie."

LC





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The scene with Caleb in the ER was PRICELESS!

So was the scene where he went to "thank" the doctor for helping to fix his hand. I almost laughed out loud on that one.

What followed as Caleb left the room was where the women who were cheering for his wife early on groaned and the change in what the room felt like changed in an instant. That was when I wanted so badly to stop the movie and begin a conversation about reality versus fantasy in marriage and relationships...

Wasn't so romantic when the reality turned to the other side...

There was a lot of fear in the faces of several couples as they left last night.

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 Originally Posted By: Mark1952
The scene with Caleb in the ER was PRICELESS!

I wanted to cheer during that scene, too!


So was the scene where he went to "thank" the doctor for helping to fix his hand. I almost laughed out loud on that one.

What followed as Caleb left the room was where the women who were cheering for his wife early on groaned and the change in what the room felt like changed in an instant.

This must have been an interesting phenomenon. We saw it in a theater last fall and it was pretty quiet.

That was when I wanted so badly to stop the movie and begin a conversation about reality versus fantasy in marriage and relationships...

Maybe you could do this sort of thing as a follow-up.

Wasn't so romantic when the reality turned to the other side...

There was a lot of fear in the faces of several couples as they left last night.

It'd be interesting to be a fly on the wall of the homes of every couple who felt fear after Fireproof.

Mark


Thanks for sharing. Looking forward to your follow-up updates.

Ace


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WARNING!!! Possible plot spoiler follows!! Read at your own risk!!





Mark

Have your heard any feedback from your church group - ladies or men - about the lack of confession or remorse on the part of Caleb's wife for her EA?

That was pretty much the only part of this movie that bothered me. I'm dealing with a wife who shows no remorse for her EA and denies it was any kind of betrayal, 14 months after the fact.

From what I saw, she forgives Caleb and takes him back but never confesses or asks forgiveness for her own sin of an EA and Love Busters toward Caleb.

You said something about the ER scene and Caleb's confrontation with OM and how the mood changed with the women watching. I guessed I missed it 'cause I was completely alone when I saw it - as in the only one in the theater - and had no one to judge for reactions. Are you saying that women watching the movie finally understood that it wasn't all about Caleb's Love Busting and saw his wife's sin as well?

I had the sense that most wives seeing this movie would come away thinking, "Yep, if my husband would get his act together and meet my needs, we'd have a good marriage." Almost like it served Caleb right for his wife to have an EA because of his neglect and she had no need to apologize.

If you can, could you give me a reply today? Wife and I are watching Fireproof at home tonight after going out to dinner for Valentine's Day.

Thanks.


Last edited by ottert; 02/14/09 01:41 PM.

Me - 45
Her - 47
Married - 23 yrs
4 chillun: D18,D14,S12,D9
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Divorce proceeding

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Ottert,

I haven't heard any feedback yet, but I just KNOW there were some interesting discussions last night.

OK. Plot spoiler material follows. Anyone not wanting the movie spoiled for them stop NOW!
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When the doctor took HIS ring out of the drawer and considered slipping it back on his finger, then decided to throw it back in the drawer instead, the mood change was clearly evident.

Up to that point in the plot, the entire EA was probably considered most as harmless because after all, Caleb's wife had already checked out of the marriage and was seeking divorce. She already had the appointment with her lawyer to file the petition for divorce.

Everything was running just like any other Hollywood script. The scene in ER made a few think only briefly as the plot thickened but over all, things were still just a story of handsome doctor rescues fair maiden from abusive husband, they ride off into the sunset and everyone lives happily ever after, except of course, the husband, who had it coming.

But as the doctor showed his true colors the reality of, “OMG! HE has a WIFE that HE is CHEATING ON..." crept into the equation and at that point, reality and TRUTH was evident to all...well, almost all, in attendance. Suddenly, the wives who were rooting for her happiness saw that dirty truth of what was going on.

In the scenes that followed as she recognized her own contributions to the state of the marriage and began to comprehend that her husband was really the better man, even though she herself did not know about the ring episode in the doctor's office, there were a lot of glasses coming off to allow eyes to be wiped, itches scratched and other actions indicative of tears being shed.

The epiphany scene when she found out the truth about where the money for the medical supplies for her mother had come from was also quite an "OMG!" moment for some, I think.

Watching the movie from a MB perspective was really informative as far as I am concerned. I found myself thinking "DJ" and "AO" as I watched the two interacting early in the film.

It also proved what some BS never seem to grasp. When your marriage is crumbling and your spouse is heading for a full blown love affair with someone else, you have NO control over what your spouse does or does not do. You can only change yourself and by fixing YOUR side of the marriage, you stand a better chance of saving it than by trying to beat the WS into submission.

It also proved the analogy I use so often about rocks being thrown into a river to reach the other side. The first action might not show any affect, but you keep going anyway and eventually the accumulation of what you have done that will begin to turn the tide.

As for her not confessing to an EA and all that follows...

I think the movie ended where it did because it had delivered its message. It is now a starting point for the MB discussion, IME. We don't know what happened in the marriage from that day forward but we do know that at that moment at the end, she knew that she had been going down the wrong road and had fully committed to building a better marriage. The final scene proves that out, I think. The marriage was no longer merely a contract to either of them but was now a PROMISE to each other that both would keep going forward.

If the movie had been about recovery from infidelity, the recovery process could have been covered in detail. If the movie was even about the EA itself it could have tied into confession and all that stuff. But it was all told from Caleb's perspective and so it could only show HIS actions and the changes HE made to improve the marriage.

No confession was really required in the plot anyway, since the audience knew the story, Caleb knew the truth and so did his wife as well as many of the bit players in the story.

The story also proves that marriage requires a lot of hard work to maintain. You can't just coast and expect your marriage to last. Love Busters were everywhere. Lack of ENs being met jumped from every scene and the vulnerability when our ENs are not being met was very well established.

If the story had been about the EA itself, it could have done a lot more from that perspectiive, but it wasn't about that, it was about Caleb's journey. His wife had checked out long before the doctor came along. She was headed for divorce without the EA. And remember that the EA was really only beginning as the story unfolded. The whole movie spanned only a couple of months until the very end.

I did wish that I could point out to many BS here the need to keep doing Plan A even when all seems lost. Caleb's father's question when he heard about the impending divorce was . "What do YOU want?"

It also showed that any individual friends we might have need to be friends of the marriage as well. Her well-meaning friends almost cost her her marriage.

Basically it was the story of two people with empty Love Banks living in the same house but neither really doing anything to enhance their relationship and doing everything they could to further destroy it. It was a pretty typical marriage IME.

Mark

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