Is there a rule that deletes items from the sent items folder every 5 or 7 days?

LA, hi, thanks for visiting me on my thread! (Said in my best Eeyore voice.)

I hadn't thought about what it is I am missing. I certainly grieve the damage he's done to his character.

Going to have to mull that one a bit.

No. No rules, no alerts. No hidden folders. Nothing in the "Recover Deleted Items" folder. I am way more tech savvy than he is. It isn't there, and he was not near email when it disappeared, and there would be no reason for him to do that anyway. Just POOF!

Someone got in there and deleted it. There is no other explanation.

i'm with bigk. Even if she would not have opened it, it would not delete it from his sent items folder. The only way to remove it from the sent items folder is by having a rule or manually deleting it. However, that does not mean she did not read it. how about a recall? if the message was recalled, it might disappear from the folder.

There was no rule in place. He was not in physical possession of the only security codes at the time it disappeared. There is a workaround but I don't think he used it and why would he anyway? I already saw the email. The blowup had already occurred.

It doesn't matter, it will be a subject for the polygraph anyway.

Chewie asked me last night what extraordinary precautions I wanted.

The trouble is, most of the suggested ones were already in place and being followed when this happened.

I have the email, the cell phones, etc.

He no longer leaves the house for "errands" without me or our son.

He was home at 7 last night as promised. His increasingly late work hours had been a source of angst to me for a few weeks.

There are a few things I will want checked out with a polygraph and if he is lying to me about those I see no hope.

The problem with Chewie is that he is beyond accountability. That's why he reacted so badly to the whole concept of boundaries. It's why he's over on his thread not really listening to anyone and trying to be intelligent instead of asking for help.

So what I am looking for is the kind of EPs that get at this root flaw.

I am thinking about requiring him to call up his very first spiritual advisor, old friend, a dentist in another state, whom we recently heard from. And confessing to him and asking him for an ongoing accountability relationship.

Stuff like that.

Suggestions welcome.

Chrys

In YOUR opinion, how is Chewie's overall attitude and outlook at this point?

tst, did we cross-post? Did you see my post to you just above?

Chewie's looking pretty rough around the edges. He's not digging in his heels with me. He says he knows he did a terrible thing and that the payoff for him was probably the moment of anticipation, the "fix." That may be true insight or he may just be parroting what he thinks he should be saying.

I forgot to mention that I have asked him to read and post on his thread at least once a day. Yesterday he came home from work and immediately opened up his thread, without being asked. I'm certainly not going to police that.

Yes we cross posted.


This is VERY obvious on his thread.


You're looking for a change of heart, and I am sorry to tell you this, but EP's alone will not offer this change.

There may be a payoff as he described.....but that is not what his INTENTION was. KWIM?

His "intention" was one of two things. Either to re-establish contact with OW, or to blow his M apart.

It's like a drunk ordering a drink at the bar. His INTENTION was NOT to see how "ordering" the drink would FEEL. The drunks intention was to take the drink. Make sense?

Chrys,

Sorry to say that I get the same sense from Chewie that TST is getting.

He KNOWS what is right and KNOWS what is wrong and yet chose to do what was wrong. I can't really say that he doesn't "get it" because he does "get it." He just chose to do what would hurt you and chose not to protect you.

He made his choice because he thought he'd get away with it. It means that it is still your job to keep him on track. Unless he picks up the baton himself, it will never get to be you first.

{{{{Chrys}}}}

Mark

It's all damage control to him.

Cysalis,

Is Chewie being 'different' this d-day compaired to the others? More/less/same concern, responses, reactions? Just wondering.

Also I just wanted to say that while he isnt posting often, Flick never has either. I know Chewie and Flick are 2 different men, and we have 2 different sitchs. I just dont think posting alot counts for much. Lol, Hu posted heaps and the last I heard, it was till up for debate as to whether he had told his W or not

It's not how much he posts; it's WHAT he posts that counts and WHAT he posts amounts to damage control. No more than that.

I dunno BK. He says remorseful stuff. I cant make an assesment on his actual heart/mindset, so I can only work on that. I don't think people should slacken off tho.

I am more interested in Crysalis opinion on his resposes at home, where he is a bit more real. I noticed that, with Flick alot at first, his posts and what I was told about them where often different from tha talks we were having at home. At home I saw more feeling, but the posts were more factual

Before, there was a period of time when he really seemed to get the horror of what he had done. It took a good while for that to appear, but he made a number of expressions of remorse during that time.

Now he is expressing a lot of care and I am having a hard time responding to it. But God help him if he doesn't do it anyway!

It may well be damage control but we are going to get down to bedrock.

I understand the difficulty in responding to him

So there is some difference compared to the other 3 times? Good, I was hoping to hear that. I won't make a judgement call on it tho.

I never like to judge a person's motivations for posting here.

I remember when Flick first posted and got attacked and edited when he cursed people out. Now he is posting to other waywards, and having MB people in his home, and coming to the states and visiting other MBers. As I recall, he used to think we were all drinking too much of the koolaid.

Tst - I remember reading your wife's posts and thinking it was a lost cause. Now look at you.

There are many others - Mrs. W, who arrived here completely fogged out, and now is a beacon of light to many others.

Can't name all of the former waywards, but there have been many.

My ex knew about MB, even read here, but never posted. He just didn't give a d*mn.

I really thought he had gotten it. He was acting like a changed man.

What I need is the truth about the extent of contact with her. When I have that, and find out whether there are more lies and what they are, I will have the information I need.

I think what is different now is me. I don't want to be with a cheater, even if it's him. The consequences that flow from that may be what it takes to make him willing to change his heart. Or not.