Hello,

After a few minutes sitting here complentating wheter to write my story or not, I decided to go ahead as I need some answers. Just before Christmas, I discovered my husband had another cell phone I knew nothing about. I just so happen to come across a receipt to a pre-paid phone where he had just added minutes. I then called the number and he answered. He said nothing and hung up. At first he did not acknowledge any of it.

First of all, he never acknowledged having the phone and that it was not him whom answered it. I guess I am crazy and do not know my husbands voice of 8 years. We had our rounds about this and eventually he said he had a phone but not for the reason I was inciting.

After dicovering that, things were pretty uneasy to say the least. Then I became suspicious and one thing led to another. I then discovered some emails on the computer in which went back 2 years. ( didn't have since enough to delete them). He had profiles on adult sites in which based on the emails didnt do too much chatting with the women on there. A few emails to women here and there but not from the sites. The one that really got my stomach turning was with a particular person that had emails sent back and forth for a couple of years. It contained sex talk and trying to get together but according to the emails they could never connect since we are in a different state now. BUT, we are originally from her hometown. He and this person worked together years ago so getting prior could have been very possible and we have been gon almost 3 years now . IT hurt my heart to hear my DH tell another things he wanted to do to and with her. I confronted him, he acknowledged it since I had the proof BUT still say it is not what I think it is and that it was all talk. Hmmm. all talk and not acted upon but places were named and they reminisced(sp).

He says he did not have an A but I do not buy it. I contacted her and she also says I'm digging too deep and it is not what it seems. He admits she was wrong for conversating with a married man but nothing was acted upon. She also says she hadnt seen him or dealt with him in over 6 years. WHY don't I believe them. I have the emails to prove it. They date back as far as 06 which seemed to have tapered off in frequency during 07 and 08. They were sparingly during the last 2 years but Did have a current on this pass December letting her know we would be in town and she asks...Will the family be with you?

I don't know what to do or what to believe although I believe something more did happen Which brings me to wanting to go to counseling and maybe the truth will come out. Can someone reccommend a counselor as I am so lost.

Thanks for listening.

Marisol, it doesn't sound like you need a counselor, you need a polygraph expert. Your H should be given an opportunity to prove his innocence via a polygraph test. That will put your mind at ease and clear his good name. You can also have the polygrapher ask why he had a secret cell phone. Probably so that he could call his pastor, ya know!

In addition to getting a polygraph, I would secretly install a keylogger on his computer so you can see every damn word he types and every email he gets or sends. A good one is spectorpro or if you don't have daily access to his computer, get eblaster as it will email you daily/hourly reports.

Is the OW married?

I sincerely doubt that. A polygrapher is much more likely to get the truth than a "counselor." Waywards lie to counselors all the time. They have a much more difficult time lying to polygraph testers when they are hooked up to the machine.

I'm wondering how one can get their H to consent to be polygraphed. It's true that "waywards" lie to counselors. My ex did. We went to counseling once and I knew then that counseling wouldn't work because all he did was lie in the session.

You tell them you don't feel safe and that to feel safe you have to know you're getting the complete and total truth. You say that you have scheduled a polygraph or that you would like to, and you watch his reaction.

If he gets angry and defensive, he's lying to you. In this case you treat the situation like an active affair (exposure, plan A). If he's upset but agrees, make the appointment and follow through. He might agree to it thinking you're just bluffing.

Real easy. You ASK them. A person who has nothing to hide will welcome the opportunity. A person who has something to hide won't.

I didnt know regular folks can order or have access to polygraphs. That must come with a price tag.

Marisol, it is fairly common. They range from $300 to $700.

She was during the suspected time but no longer.

Have you spoken to her husband about the affair?

If hasn't spoken to the woman in six years, why is he answering a pre-paid cell phone he just added minutes to?

Please, if he's not having an affair with her, he's having one with someone else. He probably has a secret second life and has had multiple affairs. He will not admit a thing, and that is why you need a polygraph.

You are being gaslighted. Don't fall for it anymore. Get the truth.

Nope. Don't have a clue who he is but they are not together any longer, she said it had nothing to do with what Im accusing but rather personal reasons. According to her, he cheated on her also in the past.

Everything she said is likely a lie, though. That is where I would start. I bet she is married and wants to throw you off her path.

Doesn't her family live in your H's hometown? Can you call them?