That's a great step!

Well it looks like my NC may be going on for a very long time.

Just spoke to son, he says W told him that she is not going to contact me because she "can't do with it when I'm bawling my eyes out like that".

That was on wednesday when both of us had been crying most of the day due to emotions running high with son being in court and us arguing.

So much for "loving me to bits" and caring for me huh?

Who the f... needs friends like that?!?

Ah Silvagod,

As my father told me many decades ago
Your W was your friend, she is gone. She may be back, but many things have to change and most of those changes she will have to make.

But, there is also another message in your W's comment to your son, which was in my mind inappropriate.

Your W has no respect for you and she thinks you are weak. We know differently but that is what she thinks. You cried, you showed your pain and emotion and what do you receive in return? Disrespect.

I know the ladies on this site are going to yell about this next comment. But, I will make it to you.

Women want men to "be in touch with their feelings and their emotions" only as long as it is about giving them what they want. They don't want to see anger, they don't want to see pain, they don't want to see frustration, they don't want to see anything that would suggest that they are NOT your total focus.

I know this sounds bad, but there is a message in there. The message is that we men are the way we are because really women want us that way. Your W wants you to be strong because then she won't have to see the damage she has done with her decisions. She wants a man that is strong because then she has to think of him and his feelings less.

You do need to be strong and you do need a life and you do need to find a "better class of friends".

Perhaps with your changes she will change, but a woman that cannot see a husband who is emotional because of the trouble his son is in is not much of a woman or person really.

I strongly suspect there is another OM in the woodpile. But, it really is not an issue. Work on you, become the man you want and a man your sons can learn good things from.

God Bless,

JL

Let them yell JL. I have been told that I was flat and emotionless before W left. Now I have been stripped to the bone, I have nothing left to cover up the rawness at the moment. Guess I was always pretty much hopeless whichever way I went.

I am now growing a new skin, a bit like goretex. I will be able to let out the emotions when required. but they can remain hidden when the time is right.

I understand about women wanting a 'strong' man, but I also agree with you that I saw the person my W has become the other day. Nothing more, nothing less. I am also certain that I don't like what I saw. Who I knew has gone.

Thanks JL.

PS, I like your father's quote

Silva,


This little piece of information has stood me in good stead for many decades now.

You want more than a "friend" in your life. If that is the best she can be, she is temperal. I just went to a memorial for a man that coached my daughters basketball team. He died young (late 50's) and it was good to see many old friends. It was interesting to see his friends from college. Some had kept up with this man, but it was clear they were shaken by their own obvious mortality.

Me?? I kept wondering how a man much younger than I and who kept himself in such good shape could have passed so young.

Silva, life moves on and the best we can do, is our best. We are not guarenteed much of a future, but we have today...use it.

God Bless,

JL

JL,

I know where you are coming from with the 'mortality'. I went to an old friend's 50th birthday party last year. Found out that 2 of my other friends had died. One was an alcoholic, but the other was a fitness mad sort. He actually collapsed on a moor whilst walking.

Makes you think, that's for sure.

Maybe I ought to think more about that to give me some impetus to jump start the remainder of my time instead of wallowing around in the past.

Yet again you have struck gold my friend, and for that I thank you.

Silva,

Your welcome. You have been blessed many times in your life, don't forget that. You will be again. Make the best of it.

God Bless,

JL

Hi Slivagod,

A 'friend' quote I read a while ago, seemed appropiate for you....

Lil,

What a quote.

Pretty much sums it up.

Thanks

Yep, it was a great quote that Verve and I refered to alot.

LiL,

Oh Man! I love that quote. It sure does strike to the heart of the matter doesn't it?

JL

You know what, If I speak to W in the future I'll probably not be able to stop myself from letting out a little "woof" then giggling.

Silva,

I suspect she will think you have gone...MAD, MAD I tell you.

But, a little woof every now and then is a good thing don't you think?

I really do like that quote, it really sums it up.

That dog is going to become pretty "gamey" after awhile don't you think? Not to mention draw some flys. :RollieEyes:

What are you going to do if you start to see flys circling anyhow?

JL

PS: Don't be surprised if you next post something and you get a "woof woof" from the peanut gallery.

Grrr Bark Bark, Woof Woof.

Flies circling?

There's already vultures in the trees and hopping around on the floor. :MrEEk:

Still no contact from W and that is fine by me.(a week now)

She took son out today to an interview and he tells me that she asked how I was, so the interest is still there. (I told him NOT to tell her I was asking about her).

Meanwhile I am getting on with my life.

My NC was broken today, W called as she had sent me a txt that I didn't get (out of area) and told me her mum was ill. Called doctor and they have taken blood to see what the problem is. W knows I love her Mum and thought I would want to know.

Conversation was somewhat stilted, she was very 'polite' and not over freindly. She also asked me when I was seeing the mental health nurse about my depression. I told her I wasn't seeing her as I didn't think she could offer me any help as she is only the same level as W as a mental health nurse. She laughed and said. 'thanks!'. Call ended. 2 mins later W called back and asked me not to call her Mum because she would complain that W had told me. I said that I would call, because when you care about someone, you keep in touch (I meant that I cared for MIL and also that W hadn't called me even though she still says she 'cares'.) Double edged comment.

So, called MIL, she says she is not too bad, will let me know results of blood tests.

Txt W, told her "phoned Mum, she didn't complain. Let me know results of blood tests pls. Take Care. X."

She txt back, "thanks, just out with Jim (sons dog) getting some fresh air!. X. "

I can't be bothered to reply to that. I don't really care WHAT she is doing and can't see the point in telling me.

So, back to dark.

I don't think medical issues would count as breaking Plan B, do you? I would hate to think that someone would be left out of something like that because of Plan B. Wouldn't worry about it. (Liked your comment, tho!)

No cat, I don't consider it a breach

It was something that had to be done. I just wonder how long it will be before W contacts me again. Now she knows I am OK and not feeling all sorry for myself anymore.

Don't really care, but DO wonder.

I feel today, like I have stepped off the roller coaster. I am living for me and my boys when they need me. W can do her own thing, I don't care anymore.

I have looked back hard at our M over the last 2-3 days and decided that it isn't a pretty sight. We were both growing apart, W found new friends and a new lease of life. I wtihdrew into my shell due to my business and we just stopped talking. Intimacy was absent in all areas, there was really no wonder we ended up as we are.

So, on with my life!

Back on the coaster..different theme park though.

Just been given a week's notice before I lose my job. Only had it for 4 months after my business failed. Some excuse about too many managers or some other bullcr@p.

So, I have my health, a brand new opportunity to go anywhere I want. Not all bad

Anyone in need of a...

Salesman
Asbestos Surveyor
Health and Safety Manager
Demolition Manager
Farmer

Anywhere in the world, open to offers!