First to answer lildoggie, he won't be asking to come back any time too soon, he wants to be on his own and needs to be, and I wouldn't take him back anyway and it's looking like a stronger possibility that I won't be in the future either.

Jen, yep I was thinking that maybe in a month or two OW may change her mind and want him back, however, OW is moving to Europe in June for good so she may be thinking that there's no point in getting involved with someone here as there's gonna be plenty to choose from in Europe. But, I don't know if that's what she's thinking. She might even be biding her time to make sure he really in "in love" as he says he is. She might be making him work even harder for her heart. Dunno.

Yes he is definately hurting and thinking about himself at the moment(he's selfish anyway), he rang this morning and asked me if I'd spoken to OW! Can you believe that, obviously he thought that I told her to back off. Of course, I havn't spoken to her and I would be more likely to slap her across the face not talk to her. Then we had a bit of an argument because I said she was obviously smarter than I thought she was for dumping him. He got angry and said he should have lied to me about everything instead of telling the truth. Then he said "why wasn't he entitled to have some happiness in life"! Can you believe that, after all the hurt he's put me through all he's concerned about is his happiness! Then he hung up on me and I tried to call him cos I wanted to know what OW had said to him, and he wouldn't answer his phone. Then when he came round to pick up our daughter he was 40 mins late. I tried to call him in that time and he still wouldn't answer his phone. Then when he arrived he sat outside in his car and just tooted. So now I'm the enemy - unbelievable!

I don't quite know what my plan is, maybe let him cool off a bit, dunno, he might stew more and then I'm gonna be as big as 100 enemies. I thought of emailing him to say something in my defence, but I don't know what to say. He's obviously got no-one to talk to about it as he was confiding in me previously, now he doesn't have and it's all my fault! Geez!

Just because he says it is over does not mean it is over. Jen is right.

He is not a trustworthy source for information about the weather right now - let alone his affair.

Don't delude yourself here.

FWIW I think the OW HAS backed off. That's not an entirely good thing though because it means Dandi's H is the pursuer and the one who really needs to do all the changing. However, Dandi, you did tell me that she couldn't believe that the handsome Italian had picked her - which means she'll be addicted to the attention and won't stay gone for long.

"Then he said "why wasn't he entitled to have some happiness in life"!"

Oh, this one is straight from the WS (wandering spouse) handbook. The book gets handed out to everyone in an A. (just kidding but really it's all just textbook babble).

Um, the man has a gorgeous wife (and you are!) and a lovely daughter and he's looking for "happiness". Give me a break!

BigK your right too he's not a reliable source at the moment and I'm most certainly not going to delude myself.

Lol! Jen you made me laugh, you really have great words. Yep, I was thinking that she might come back to him cos he's very charming and loving and attentive, just like he was with me once, and she may need that. Maybe, she's just giving him time to be alone for a bit to make sure she really is "the one for him", if that's the case then she is very clever, wish I'd thought of that! Also, if they do get back together again they may try and be more secretive about it and considering he's no living at home at the moment it would be difficult to find that out. But you know she would be stupid enough to carry it on with him, when she's going to Europe to live cos there's gonna be plenty of Italian men over there, not to mention French, German etc. She could take her pick, so why settle for a long distance relationship.

Oh dear, trust me to marry a handsome Italian toyboy, I should have known!

Anyway, since OW's not speaking to H and H's not speaking to me, I wonder who he's gonna miss the most....

Dandi,

You said Don't even start thinking about this. Wrong path for you to take.

First, HE is the one losing something. He is the one who has already lost something. He is the one who will lose more.

You on the other hand have the potential for great gain.

What does he lose and has lost. He has already lost his happiness and he won't find it in OW whether she dumps him or not. He is going to lose you and his family if he is not careful. Kids are very perceptive about such things and they are far less forgiving than adults.

As for your gain??? Given his behavior you either lose him and gain the opportunity to find a man that treats you right as well as loves you. OR he changes and actually becomes a decent husband. Either way it seems to me you gain. He on the other hand only has one good choice and a lot of bad ones to choose from.

Hang in there.

God Bless,

JL

Thanks JL, words of wisdom. There is no way hes going to change, he seems to be looking for something that no one can give him, not me, not OW not any other OW - maybe only in the short term but not in the long term.

I've decided I don't want him back and don't want to even try. Im just going to live my life look after my daughter, enjoy myself along the way and wait for the right man to come along, I'm sure there's one out there that deserves me.

Dandi,

I am sure there is.

God Bless,

JL

I agree. Your H would really have to change a great deal to even understand what he's doing and that the fault lies squarely with him.

I'm sorry though, Dandi. I know you love him.

Thanks guys. Yep he would have to change a great deal and that could take years and I can't wait that long - not getting any younger you know.

He will always be deep in my heart.