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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 9
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 9 |
To write out the whole story would take so long...
My husband wants a divorce. I do not. We've been married for two years; been together for 5. We have a beautiful daughter. Before we were married I did some things that I should not have done and did not tell him before we were married. Long story short, it all came out about a month ago. I know he still loves me; he's told me that. But doesn't want to be married to me because he says our marriage was a lie. I never gave him a choice before we were married by telling him what I did. (I kissed 4 different guys on 4 different occassions after drinking too much.) He is now going to be deploying soon and wants to seperate right away. He wanted to start the divorce before he goes, but I refuse. I said we had to wait until he came back, in a year. He agreed but also tells me not to hold on to hope because he has made up his mind.
I know what I did was wrong and I will do anything to save our marriage. I have read the different stuff on this web page and self help books. He just will not budge and I can't understand it. We had such a good marriage before all of this came up. I am also worried that he has something going on, or hopes of something going on with a co worker who is also deploying with him but he swears that its not true. He really is a good guy and I can't believe this is happening to us.
What do I need to do to save us? I love him so much and can't imagine life without him. I constantly feel like I'm dying. I can't eat/sleep/function. All I can think about is him and our beautiful daughter. Please help.
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 267
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I love him so much and can't imagine life without him Ok but you will be without him for the next 12 months at least right? Just stating the obvious since that physical seperation will be there no matter what the emotional state is. I kissed 4 different guys on 4 different occassions after drinking too much While you were engaged then right? Now of course this is wrong and I may get a lot of 2x4s here but he is calling your whole marriage a lie because you kissed 4 people. Something is not right. Could be you are not telling the whole story and he feels it???
God's goal for marriage: Become ONE! How? MBer methods.
Me:husband 42
wife, 40
married 1/12/1991
3 children, 1 granddaughter
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 9
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OP
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 9 |
Wow, it's crazy to me that a stranger doesn't even trust me...no wonder my husband doesn't.
I am prepared to physically not be with him for 12 months, but I emotionally need him in my life during that time period.
Yes, what I did was while we were engaged. Dumb, stupid, horrible...this I all understand. He has also not been the perfect husband, but I just know we can fix this if we both try. Why won't he try?
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
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Yes, what I did was while we were engaged. Dumb, stupid, horrible...this I all understand. He has also not been the perfect husband, but I just know we can fix this if we both try. Why won't he try? Maybe he hears the entitlement/excuses like we do. Maybe he thinks if you would do this while you were engaged/committed, what would stop you when the opportunity presents itself again? Have you read the articles on this site? You should especially read about extraordinary precautions. How has he not been the perfect husband?
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 9
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 9 |
I agree with you. I know he is protecting himself and his heart because he can't trust me. I've tried explaining to him that I am a different person now. I have found the church and everything that goes around with it that invovled relationships. He is the one for me and I just need him to open up and realize that. I am married with a child now. I am not that stupid young girl wanting to party in a bar. I am a wife and mother and love being that. Why can't he understand that?
He has carried on an emotional relationship with a girl that works for him. Lied about things involving her. Had one night that I am fully aware of that should have never happened. I am fully prepared to forgive him for that and do believe that he does not want to be with her.
I think I have read this entire site...
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 4,712
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So, you kissed some guys before you were married...and your husband who is in the military committed adultery?
If I have this right, I dont think the issue right now is with you...but with your husband. Is he deploying with this woman?
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
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Long story short, it all came out about a month ago. What happened a month ago?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
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bump... can you answer the questions you've been asked?
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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