Dday was 30-12-08 He just come out with it that he has feelings for another woman was total shock never suspected a thing he had been away for a month before that with work as he is in the armed forces uk he was home on xmas leave everything was great while he was home on leave in fact they were better than ever thats why i was so shocked when he told me there was someone else. Ow is actually serving on his ship with him thats how they met. OW is 23 no partner or kids.
He just left after that leaving me here in shock with the 2 kids in tears asking where daddy is going, he came up everyday after that to see us all we talked and cried and talked and cried. he cant tell me why he has done this said he doesnt know
on 11th Jan he came up early in the morning spent the whole day here til about 9pm at night we took the kids out it came to him leaving i was all upset and so was he as he was going back to sea next day his away now not back til 19th feb or there abouts sometimes things change being in the forces.
He rings me as often as he can tells me he still loves me is missing us loads and still has feelings for me but not sure if he can come back cos of his feelings for the OW im still so confused as to what to do im just trying to get thru each day and focus on me and the kids
I have exposed his A to everyone that i can last person im waiting on is the captain of his ship to whom i have sent a letter to and he should receive this when the ship goes alongside this weekend

Welcome Always Hope,

You are doing what is right.

He is in the middle of foggy country. He NEEDS to be separated from OW. Please keep reading the articles.

I agree you have done the right thing by exposing.

Did you expose all the way up the chain of command?
Did you expose to his parents?
Can you find out who OWs parents are and expose to them?

Please get Surviving An Affair and read it.
Keep posting here, it will help you feel like you're not quite so alone.

ive exposed the A to all his family that are disgusted with him i have told everyone in the navy that i can tell just waiting on the captain to recieve which im hoping he will get this weekend but depends on how fast there postal service works
I dont know anything about her apart from her first name and she is 23 i have her phone number from his mobile bill and i know she is from up north thats it
dont know how i can find out anything else about her i know a lot of people on the ship do already know and he has been getting a lot of stick already

Here's to a BS who exposed without hesitation and didn't stop to ask why it was necessary!

AH,

I am US Navy so I am not positive about this situation in the UK Navy, but, rules at sea are very strict. They have to be for safety and good order and discipline. The CO is not going to be happy and I am sure one of them will be transferred off the ship.

As a CO you simply can't have this type of thing going on at sea. I am quite sure you will get some word of the resolution very soon. Your H will be furious, but, oh well. As they say on this board your M can survive the anger, not an A.

H rang out the blue tonight captain is sending him home tomorrow on 2 weeks compassionate leave he didnt sound too impressed but not as bad as i thought dreading tomorrow dont know wot gonna happen

Quick update H is home but not interested in talking about things to see if we can work them out he says his not in love with me anymore he loves OW, H refuses to go no contact he says he aint stupid he knows what he wants he has asked me not to move away cos he wants to be near the kids all the time altho i have told him i dont know if i can stay around here
ive started packing his stuff his not bothered he just said he has no where to put it all, not my problem
ive got doctors today he wants to come with me i said there is no need i can go alone he said he wants to make sure im ok
im so lost and confused

Always hope

the "I love her not you" speech is just one of many in the wayward handbook of dribble to tell the betrayed spouse. All the BS's on MB have heard one or more. Its just what we call fogbabble. best to let it go in one ear and out the other, it has about that much importance.

The reason he wants you to be around is not as much for the children as he is suggesting. A wayward spouse needs both the affair partner and the betrayed spouse to ensure that all their needs are met. It was explained to me that the spouse can generally fill all the needs of the wayward but for whatever reason may be struggling with the top one or two. The AP can fill those but is not able to fill the others. In order for the WS to get all needs filled, they need to have both people. Unfortunatly, they tend to be mean to the BS and only give crumbs, choosing to give most of themselves to the AP.

everything exploded tonight with H OW keeps ringing and texting him when shes on the ship wont leave him alone i told him he was being disrespectful towards my feelings for allowing this he didnt care H dad rang tonight to see how we were doing H didnt want to talk to him and went out to 'walk the dog' which i knew meant OW
was ringing. After H said he told OW not to call him but H still took the call so i exploded told him he doesnt care about me or my feelings one bit and i can longer be his friend and will no longer talk to him or be here for him he said he would just go now but i wouldnt allow him to take my car.
ive packed most of his things and told him i want him gone tomorrow i need the car where we live as its in a small village so couldnt allow him to go tonight or i would have i always think wot if something happens and i needed the car and he doesnt deserve to take it anyway he said he had no money for taxi so allowed him to sleep in kids room tonight

i feel so bad and upset i know i havent caused this just feels like i lost him for good now and there is no going back
im lost scared lonely and worried dont know which way to turn just trying to stay strong for me and my 2 wonderful kids

AH,
I am sorry.

Have you read much of the site? Have you read Basic Concepts, Plan A, Plan B? Emotional needs? Love Busters????