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The other day I received a friend invitation from my stbxMIL. She has clearly just discovered FB and only has a few friends so far including my DS, DIL and, yep - WstbxH. Interestingly, she doesn't have OW who is also on FB. I am wondering whether I should accept the invite or not. WWYD?
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Joined: Aug 2005
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The other day I received a friend invitation from my stbxMIL. She has clearly just discovered FB and only has a few friends so far including my DS, DIL and, yep - WstbxH. Interestingly, she doesn't have OW who is also on FB. I am wondering whether I should accept the invite or not. WWYD? Sure, why not? Do you speak IRL? If OM joins her FB friends, simply defriend yourself from her, that's all.
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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If you are on friendly terms with exMIL I would accept the invite. If nothing else than to blow up OW's head that you are on her friend's list and she isn't.  If OW shows up at some point later on you can remove yourself if you want. That would make a statement.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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I think it would be fine to accept it...IF you have a good relationship with your xmil.
(Personal story: My xh's 2nd wife was not one of the EA-OWs so I never had any grudge against her. However, it used to really mess with his mind that w2 and I can be quite friendly with each other.)
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I have always had a reasonably good relationship with her. It was strained during the separation (WstbxH brainwashed her about the A and I think deep down she knows he was cheating but doesn't really want to admit it since he's her son). I maintained good relations with my first XIL's, but that was motivated in part for my DS who otherwise would never have known his father's family. He's grown now and maintains relations with his step-grandmother himself.
I guess I'm just not sure how I'll be affected if/when I see notes posted to her wall from WstbxH - which could easily include OW's name and perhaps details of their lives which I have no desire to know. I suppose if it came to that I could send her a message telling her why I'm dropping her as a friend so she doesn't get offended.
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I doubt my advice is worth much right now, but I'd decline the invite and send her a message detailing why I did so.
Divorced
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If you're friendly with her, you could accept it - but remember she would have access to your profile, too.
If you drop her as a friend, by default it is done quietly - the friend you are dropping is not alerted that you are dropping them. So, if you ever needed to drop her as a friend, you would have the choice of exiting quietly or sending her a message telling her why.
It is telling that OW is not on her friends list... but if you have OW blocked, or if OW has you blocked, you wouldn't know if she was on her friends list or not. So that's a consideration, too.
Me: 41, INFP
Her: 46, ESFJ
Married 6/95
B-G Twins
4 yrs recovered from serious neglect on my part.
So happy together!
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Hmm - given what CC said, could you accept the friend invite and block your WstbxH? Then you would not see anything from or about him?
Me - 30 (FWW)
H - 30 (BH)
DSx2
D-day: 2008
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Hmmm... That's a good idea to block WstbxH. But I was under the impression that I could block him so he couldn't see me. Does it work so I can't see him as well?
Now I do wonder if OW has blocked me. She's as dumb as soup but there have been signs that she still sees me as some kind of threat. OTOH, her and WstbxH have never missed an opportunity to flaunt their affair in my face. And if either one of them can see me, they will see that I have OWH as a friend.
Hey, maybe I could have fun with this..... I've taken 2 tropical vacations, plus a few cottage type vacations and several weekend trips since WstbxH left. I should start loading all those up so they can see how much fun I have now. They can't afford to go out for fast food.
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Hey, maybe I could have fun with this..... I've taken 2 tropical vacations, plus a few cottage type vacations and several weekend trips since WstbxH left. I should start loading all those up so they can see how much fun I have now. They can't afford to go out for fast food. There ya go. Living well is the best revenge. Either they will ignore you or stew in bitterness. I don't think they could resist the latter.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Hee hee... especially since WstbxH and I could never afford to go anywhere unless we stayed with family. Why? Because he was so busy spending all our money on his tv/stereo crap which he's still doing (creditors have called me about his unpaid bills).
AND, OWH and OW used to vacation in the carribean every year. I wonder if she misses it...
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Tabby,
Block this, block that, de-friend or don't sign up for it,... more game playing and drama.
Post all the vacation pictures and shove it deep in their faces to where the X-oldman will beg his mother to de-friend you.
Let them flaunt the A in your face, then get a bundle of willow switches and start the self flagellation. Maybe put some metal tips on the ends of the willow switches.
Or you could not respond and get on with YOUR life.
IMHO
kirk
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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Now I do wonder if OW has blocked me. Easy way to tell is to try to look her up, either thru a search or simply by looking at WxH's friends list. If you know she is on Facebook, but cannot see her, then she has you blocked.
Me: 41, INFP
Her: 46, ESFJ
Married 6/95
B-G Twins
4 yrs recovered from serious neglect on my part.
So happy together!
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You have a golden opportunity to tweak their noses with a vengeance, and all without appearing to even be aware that they so much as have noses to tweak. If you can resist that chance, you have much stronger self-control than I've ever had!  tl
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lol ITA.
Tabby, if this would be a guilty pleasure for you every once in awhile I don't see a problem. But if you feel yourself getting sucked up into WH/OW's drama and it has a negative impact on you then I would not go there.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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