Sorry B, I tried posting to you earlier but was unsuccessful.

Her abandonment of the marriage constitutes a valid biblical reason to D. If you feel that you too did not shortchange her then by all means go ahead with D. So option 1 is plan D.

Option 2 is to set conditions on recovering the marriage. You would affirm a commitment of love to her. This is provided that there is NC with OM and/or enabling friends. You may insist on participating in a MB recovery program.

There shall be zero contact with her after the plan B letter has been handed to her. If there is no response within a week or so, initiate D.

Hi Imagine,

It's ok, I appreciate the reply, nonetheless. I will keep you updated and just let you know how things progress.

Thanks again,
Blitz

Thought I would give an update, even though it's only been about a week since my last update. W acts a lot different than the initial 4 weeks of all this coming out. She's not quite as aggressively working towards D. She also tells me that when she speaks of it to others, now it's separation and not D, she speaks of. She goes out with her friends and still lives with her best friend. She tells me how most of the guys in the clubs/bars are after only one thing and says she can't believe it. She also says she doesn't want to date until after the D, which I find interesting. She also is much more friendlier than she's ever been. I am continuing being friendly, but still doing Plan A.

Early on, I was rather emotional with everything and couldn't keep my emotions out of it. Now that I feel like I've done a 180 with the emotions, I'm able to Plan A more effectively. I know a couple of posts ago that I talked about moving on with my love life, but I'm just not ready to give up on her yet. I act as if I've moved on, but it's only an act for her. I don't speak of any other women or anything, I wouldn't even consider dating til a good bit after D. Mentally, I'm just not ready for that yet.

I'm still losing weight and keeping the house nicely. I went shopping this weekend and bought some new clothes. I also recently got a new haircut and like it a lot. I'm getting more into style than I have been in years and I'm doing things for me now that make me happy. I even got a compliment from W today at work on my new clothes. I did go and buy W a small gift for Christmas, even though I know I probably shouldn't have, it was just a gift card.

W came by yesterday and we chatted for a bit about life in general and how each other was doing. I didn't give her many details on what I'm doing, other than just talking about work, etc. We do work together as many of you know, so we see each other at work, but mainly, just in passing.

W is going out of town with her parents for Christmas, as am I. I am hoping that since she has been distant with them since all of this started, it will give them a chance to reunite and get closer again. I am also looking forward to spending some quality time with my family and enjoy a mini-vacation as well.

Before W left the house, she wanted a hug again and I gave her one. I know last time I said something about not giving her a hug, I was told this wasn't good, so I gave a hug and walked her out. She seems to be doing better, but still in the fog, just doesn't seem quite as bad as it was.

I can see where Plan A would take a while to take effect. I initially didn't think I would have time to Plan A, but as her aggressive behavior toward D has slowed, I think I will have plenty of time. I'll update periodically.
Thank you

Blitz

Keep reading the posts and articles. You'll pick up the idea.

If you're in plan A, you would give her a thoughtful gift for Christmas. For example: a home baked tipsy tart with a card that says something personal. You get the gist, invest something of yourself into the gift....

I went with a gift card already, just a lower amount, but she can still buy something decent with it. The card was meaningful, short, and only a sentence or 2. I didn't expect a gift in return and didn't get one. I do have to go to the SiL & BiL's house tonight to exchange gifts with them and my niece and nephew.

W informed me today that she's not going out of town with her parents over Christmas. She wants to stay in our house while I'm out of town. I told her I had no problem with that, that I will be gone until the end of the weekend and she could be there to take care of our dogs. She said she just wanted to spend some time alone and with the our pets. I think she is burned out on where she's staying as well, I know it's not a very nice place.

Anyways, imagine, have a great Christmas and thanks for staying with me on this.

Blitz

All the best to you and Mrs Blitz.

God grant you peace, healing and travel mercies.

Go well and catch you soon!

Imagine,

I will go to Plan B starting tomorrow. I have tried Plan A as long as I possibly can, but in the hopes to keep the love I have for my wife, I will go to Plan B indefinitely and pray that it works. I will post when I need help and I'm sure it won't be easy, but I will post here instead of talking to her. Thank you all, happy new year.

If that was a good Plan A, and your ready to quit, do it.

Cheers Blitz.

It wasn't a good plan A, I admit this. However, I feel myself starting to wander emotionally. The love I have is going away, our marriage wasn't the strongest over the last year. I know that it would be easier for me to start anew with another woman. I haven't given this my best effort. My situation isn't as easy, I work with my wife, I see her daily whether I want to or not. I can't just quit my job and walk away for a complete Plan B. I can avoid all contact, but I am at wits end with trying to deal with her emotional manipulation, to get me to sign the dotted line on a Settlement Agreement.
I have started being the 'too nice a guy' again. My W says she still wants a divorce and won't come home. I emotionally, am trying my very hardest, but I just can't give the emotional support to her anymore, I wish I was that strong.
I am financially enabling her to live her outside life away from me. She won't file for divorce because it will bankrupt her, so she's trying her best to manipulate me emotionally into signing the paperwork and I won't do it.
Maybe this won't be Plan B, maybe it will be Plan No contact, but it's what I have to do to keep my sanity at this point.

"I am financially enabling her to live her outside life away from me. She won't file for divorce because it will bankrupt her"

I do not understand why are you financially supporting your WW when she is out there banging the OM?

You are not using one of the strongest tools that you have to convince your WW to end her PA.

You must let your WW see the OM refuse/fail to meet her need for financial support.

What is wrong with you?

Do you need a check up from the neck up?

Maybe I should've reworded it better. I'm paying on credit cards, they aren't joint, yet no one can give me a solid answer if I'm required to pay this or not. So, they are credit cards she opened, that were used during the course of the marriage. Some were of my knowledge, some weren't. I didn't discover the true balance of them, until all this happened. I was furious of course.

What I am not doing: I am not paying for her to live somewhere, she's barely getting by, but I'm not paying for rent or anything like that, utilities, etc. She's actually paying half our utilities for me to reside in our house. Yes, she's paying half of my utilities and rent on the house she's staying in. She still pays half of all bills as do I. If I'm not required to do this, by all means, tell me that.

So while it sounds as if I'm enabling her, maybe that was the wrong wording. My apologies for writing that wrong, does it sound as if I'm still enabling her?

Don't worry about the credit card questions, I'm going to schedule another appointment with the attorney this week and I'll find out the answers I seek.
Still, I would like someone to chime in and at least tell me if it sounds like I'm enabling her or just paying the bills.
I think I may call Dr. Harley though, I can afford it now and would like to have some advice over the phone.

Thanks.

Well just forget it, I'm doing Plan NC and it's working fine for me. Like I stated a couple of weeks ago, I'm not going to wait for her anymore. The betrayal has gotten the best of me and I'm not up for the expensive fight in a D if it should get to that. I have the upper hand financially and am going to go thru with D. Thank you all for the help, especially the ones who stuck it out even longer with me, it helped me get thru the hardest times of this ordeal.

I know she continues to see OM, even though it was halfway exposed in the beginning. Obviously, this could've been handled better by me had I been stronger and just taken the advice instead of analyzing it, nonetheless, the more NC goes on, the more I am able to see more plainly. I also continue to see a brighter future for myself without her cheating self with me. I'd rather go and find a new soul to spend life with and start over with my new changes I've made in my life. Time to cut the losses and move on.

Thank you all!
Blitz

Well you seem to have sorted yourself out. Good luck.

Keep reading.

Well imagine, she's filing in the next week to two, so whether I like it or not, it's going to happen, sure I could contest it, but really don't want to bankrupt myself. She spoke to a lawyer today. I appreciate the advice, I really do, it sucks that I couldn't take it better in the beginning, but I can't redo the past. I have still learned so much from this site, so I don't look at it as a failure like I did in the beginning. I do however look at it as a new beginning. It would've only been a failure had I not made the positive changes that I made and continue to make. I am hopeful for what the future brings and I have you and all the others to thank for all your help. I will continue reading like you said.

Thank you,
Blitz

Keep developing yourself. Whatever she does is up to her.

I would tell her to leave you well alone if this what you want to do.

It seems that you have become better and better. Now contribute what you have learned to help those newly around.

Oh and stay with scripture.

God bless.

Thank you imagine, I am a permanent fixture here. I have learned and even if I haven't succeeded in changing W's mind, I have grown spiritually, physically, and emotionally. Thank you again for all of the advice.

Blitz

Just wanted to give a quick update on my situation. The wife went to an attorney 2 weeks ago to start the divorce process. My emotional rollercoaster finally came to almost a dead stop right around that time. Thank God I've stepped off that train, I don't think I could do that long term, just too difficult. I do feel a lot better these days. Work has me pretty stressed lately, but the stbxw doesn't have that emotional control over me anymore.

I see a woman who appears to be having a MLC early in her life. She is confused, stressed, depressed, and full of anxiety. Oh and broke most of the time as well. She lives for the weekends now and partying with people who are in their early to mid 20's. I believe the EA she was having with OM fell apart, best I can tell. He wasn't the man she thought he was and found a lot of bad traits in him apparently. Too bad.

As for me, I'm looking at life in a much better light now, thanks to you all. I see the future as very viable and full of possibilities. I still have a lot of work to do on me, but I'm excited about it all and can't wait to move to the next chapter.

Thank you all again, for your time and patience. I truly am still amazed at how much time, love and patience is given from you all to complete strangers.

Thank you,
Blitz

Blitz,

There's an awful deal of folk here with the same problem and dealt with it in the same bad way that you started.

There are guys here handing out superb advice totally contrary to their original actions. Pay it forward. There is still lots to find out.

Quick check: Does your accommodation still look pristine?

God bless!

I agree. I'm sorry, does my accomodation still look pristine? I'm not following you on that. You have to break that question down into laymans terms for me and I'll be happy to answer it.