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Hmm.. I guess he never takes the kids for an overnight visit since he lives out of town (with the Sea Hag?)? Otherwise, maybe you could ask (through your IMs) if he could take the kids on a certain weekend cus you are going out of town? Is there a way you could do *something* like this - ask him to take DS10 to all his activities one weekend cus you're gonna be out of town that day, and DD has to work or something?
me - 47 H - 39 married 2001 DS 8a DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy: (Why is DS7b now a blockhead???) (Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
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T2L, since you don't want the kids to go to Sea Hag's house, plan a weekend away (Texas?) and leave H at your house with the kids and you making nC with him but calling the kids on their cells. He will go crazy.
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years D17, D30 alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08 Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also) H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08 Plan B 1/09 D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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LOL then you can leave a Victoria's Secret bag and receipt in your underwear drawer!
me - 47 H - 39 married 2001 DS 8a DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy: (Why is DS7b now a blockhead???) (Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
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T2L, since you don't want the kids to go to Sea Hag's house, plan a weekend away (Texas?) and leave H at your house with the kids and you making nC with him but calling the kids on their cells. He will go crazy. Yeah but I don't want to give him access to the house. If I let him in for a weekend wouldn't that legally give him rights again? I think if a WS has been out of the home for over 5 months then legally they cannot come in any longer, they lose their rights too.
Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10 Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08 Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08 Plan B 11/15/08-currently 01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL 01/31/09 Planned brief contact 02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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what great imaginations we have. we should all be writing for sitcoms. A new series...
Fog babble aliens:twobyfour:
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years D17, D30 alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08 Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also) H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08 Plan B 1/09 D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Man this thread is great! So it sounds like she never went to a Plan B. So she stayed in a Plan A for a really long time. IM's have you read this Thread?!?!?! Its really good!
Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10 Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08 Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08 Plan B 11/15/08-currently 01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL 01/31/09 Planned brief contact 02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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Try - you don't have to replicate Carol's incident - only her attitude!
She got a life. She was determined that anything he "saw" was going to truly be his reality, whether or not it was "real" when he saw it.
For you, you don't have to be "seen" by him - he hangs on every scrap of news about you he can pump subtly out of his children.
Start your own version of creative living your life - after all, they say "living well is the best revenge".
Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1 The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"? The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!" If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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T2L, please check your email.
Love you!
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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T2L, please check your email.
Love you! Got it and responded. Got an idea. Last night he talks with DS10. Well during the convo he says so is your sister home what is she doing? Then he asks DS10 is your mom home? So I think several nights this week I am going to leave 20 minutes before his call and come back 20 minutes after just to leave a window. I will just tell DS10 that I have to go out for a few and I will be back. DD17 is usually here so she can watch him. Think I will leave my phone here just in case he has it tracked with GPS, I don't think it is as I didn't notice it on the cell phone bill. So really I would only be gone 30 minutes. Then when he asks DS10 where I am he can say IDK. So if this keep happening it will start to bug him I am pretty sure of that. Maybe I can even say I am going to coffee with a friend and just go to coffee shop. Then kids can say she went to get coffee with a friend. Okay I have this other idea, but not sure if it will work because of PB. Okay my kitchen sink is leaking. I am not very gifted in the mechanical repairs dept. I may be able to figure it out if I google it or something. Here's my options. 1-call the home warranty company and have them do it, but its like 55$ and I think truly the problem looks like its a washer that may need replacing and would only cost 5$. Or have H come and fix it and while he walks in I can walk out in a slamming hot dress to look like I gotta important date. But If he comes in he may stay like last time and how can I get him out? Might not be that great for PB. Or I can tell the kids they no longer have to meet him he can meet you at the house to pick you guys up and then when he pulls up I can walk out in a hot dress. What do you guys think?
Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10 Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08 Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08 Plan B 11/15/08-currently 01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL 01/31/09 Planned brief contact 02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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Maybe I can even say I am going to coffee with a friend and just go to coffee shop. Then kids can say she went to get coffee with a friend. EGG ZAK LEE !
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Okay I am slow, I have seen this darn comment, what on earth does this mean LMAP LMAO LMAO!!! Translate Pepster!!!
Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10 Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08 Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08 Plan B 11/15/08-currently 01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL 01/31/09 Planned brief contact 02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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have H come and fix it and while he walks in I can walk out in a slamming hot dress to look like I gotta important date. But If he comes in he may stay like last time and how can I get him out? Yes! How do you get him out? You say, I'm so grateful you came. Let me walk you to the door.
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Or I can tell the kids they no longer have to meet him he can meet you at the house to pick you guys up and then when he pulls up I can walk out in a hot dress. Yes! EGG ZAK LEE
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Here is what ya do (jeeze!) Get a Pay for Minutes only phone from Krogers. (Wal mart) You can get them free sometimes (if you buy minutes) I got my 12 year old one (free phone if you buy min) for $50.00 (It came with 500 min--10 cent a min). Pay cash. NEXT: You get a guy you know, any guy with a GREAT VOICE To record the following message- on the voice mail to the new phone line: "Hello, you have reached Dillinger Enterprizes. This is William- <Charles, Chett, Jordan-- anything sexy>. Please leave a short message, and your phone number and I will get in touch with you as soon as I get back into the office." ...............beep. Now you call that f-in number 5 times a day! NOW-- From that phone-- You call your own phone and the house phone BACK 10 times a day. Let the phone stand on for 45 min -- about 10 p.m. Remember Wh is only going to get your phone and house activity. He will not be able to get the new phone's acitivity (so it can sit still besides calling you) You think YOU watch your cell/phone numbers? WH can (and I'm sure gets) the same info you do. WH WILL call the new phone number- and will (all the time) get that beautiful voicemail. He will be sure he is being "screened out". This will drive him nutz-- because he will see that you are "talking" while he can't get the guy to answer. Do not tell your DD or DS. It would be nice if you could get one to say "jeeze, mom always seems to be tied up on the phone, now a days!" when they are on visitation. If you would like more of my diabolical plot... please advise.
Me; W 46 Him; H 46
2 girls DD19 DD16 Dated/Married total 28 years. ..I am learning and working on myself.
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Or I can tell the kids they no longer have to meet him he can meet you at the house to pick you guys up and then when he pulls up I can walk out in a hot dress. Yes! EGG ZAK LEE LOLOLOLOL I figured it out right after I hit submit! Darn! I could have looked so wise too! Fooey. Not sure I he would go for the let me walk you to the door thing...hmmm...but I could have him take the kids out to eat afterwards....or I could somehow say the sink needs fixing but because it causes me pain to see you I would have to ask that you leave once you are finished? Kids know the sink is broken on one side because I have asked them to not put dishes in that side. They could mention it, I'm positive that as soon as he finds out he's gonna want to fix it. What do you think about all that????
Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10 Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08 Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08 Plan B 11/15/08-currently 01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL 01/31/09 Planned brief contact 02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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Love LOVE LOVE the idea of being gone to the coffee shop during the phone call! Spectacular!
At first I didn't like the idea of asking him to fix the leak because it will encourage him to try and break your Plan B. He's already proven that he'd like you to just cave and let him weasel his way back into the home (without him having to change his selfish ways).
But the more I think about it, the more I like it. You could have some kind of "get a life" evidence on the kitchen table or counter by the phone or something... cruise brochure, vacation cottage rentals, whatever. I'd scribble something vague on it (in red) like "Rates go up late March" so it doesn't look like junk mail but something you're actively looking into.
Try to arrange the pipe leak fix through the IMs and let him know you'd like him to be gone by 6:00 p.m. or whatever. Hopefully he won't even see you during the leak-fixing event.
After the pipe-fixing, you can agree to let him pick up/drop off kids at the house. Then at a pick up time you can go get in your car looking like a million bucks.
I'd strive very hard to not engage in real contact. Just glimpses and sightings. Go through the IMs.
But get other folks' input on this, for sure. I never did Plan B myself so this is just guesswork.
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Here is what ya do (jeeze!) Get a Pay for Minutes only phone from Krogers. (Wal mart) You can get them free sometimes (if you buy minutes) I got my 12 year old one (free phone if you buy min) for $50.00 (It came with 500 min--10 cent a min). Pay cash. NEXT: You get a guy you know, any guy with a GREAT VOICE To record the following message- on the voice mail to the new phone line: "Hello, you have reached Dillinger Enterprizes. This is William- <Charles, Chett, Jordan-- anything sexy>. Please leave a short message, and your phone number and I will get in touch with you as soon as I get back into the office." ...............beep. Now you call that f-in number 5 times a day! NOW-- From that phone-- You call your own phone and the house phone BACK 10 times a day. Let the phone stand on for 45 min -- about 10 p.m. Remember Wh is only going to get your phone and house activity. He will not be able to get the new phone's acitivity (so it can sit still besides calling you) You think YOU watch your cell/phone numbers? WH can (and I'm sure gets) the same info you do. WH WILL call the new phone number- and will (all the time) get that beautiful voicemail. He will be sure he is being "screened out". This will drive him nutz-- because he will see that you are "talking" while he can't get the guy to answer. Do not tell your DD or DS. It would be nice if you could get one to say "jeeze, mom always seems to be tied up on the phone, now a days!" when they are on visitation. If you would like more of my diabolical plot... please advise. Man oh Man my LIL Barbiecat, you naughty little gurl!!!! I love you!!!! Where did you get that brilliant mind of yurs?!?!?! Boy you are good! Yeah the cell bill I think goes to him. But i have an account created for my numbers so i can see the access. I do know he is looking too as he told DD17 to not use the 411 service so much so yes i agree he is looking too. This is great!!! I'll buy it next week! Whooo whooo! Yeah send em on down.....
Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10 Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08 Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08 Plan B 11/15/08-currently 01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL 01/31/09 Planned brief contact 02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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The beauty of this is that WH will garner this info sooner or later. HE will pick it up ON HIS OWN. Let him stumble on it. Hopefull you will have quite a few "weeks" of activity recorded. Find a guy that your kids may not reconginse, In case DD gets curious- best to keep them out. and the true shock and cluelessness on their faces will be all it takes for your WH to realize-- they really don't know what is up. The best defence... you know. Look like a deer in the headlights when DD says "dad wants to know who Joe Schmoe is". and reply, coily>sp? "just tell dad IDK." If you want me to erase the above post (for DD sake) I will. Next lesson: rejected/returned gift plot.
Last edited by barbiecat; 01/29/09 01:13 PM.
Me; W 46 Him; H 46
2 girls DD19 DD16 Dated/Married total 28 years. ..I am learning and working on myself.
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The beauty of this is that WH will garner this info sooner or later. HE will pick it up ON HIS OWN. Hopefull you will have quite a few "weeks" of activity recorded. The best defence... you know. Look like a deer in the headlights when DD says "dad wants to know who Joe Schmoe is". and reply, coily>sp? "just tell dad IDK." Now do you think that he will get discouraged if he thinks someone else is in the picture. I mean I dont want him to give up either.... What if I just leave the message as the generic one? He wont know either way. He can go nuts trying to figure out and then it's not exactly lying... Ok so just complained in front of the DD17 about the sink...and said this is the problem of not having dad around....
Me-39 H-38/Married 19years/DD18 & DS10 Dday EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in w/Sea Hag 08/01/08 Read SAA Sept 08 Plan A 10/03/08 thru 11/15/08 Plan B 11/15/08-currently 01/18/09 Plan B crack w/phone call restating PBL 01/31/09 Planned brief contact 02/15/09 Delivery of Planned 2nd PBL Filed for D Dec 2009 Recovering well!
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Man oh Man my LIL Barbiecat, you naughty little gurl!!!! I love you!!!! Where did you get that brilliant mind of yurs?!?!?! cell block 19
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